Serenity Bound

[/B]okay friends, I think I need a head thump! I feel like my toolbox is closed & locked......and I can't seem to get it open and use the tools I need. Long story short My RAD & her H have been fighting since the first day of their marriage (even b/4 that)....last nite (their daughters 1st birthday) and RAD at my house (as she says she leaving him for good), H takes baby. This morning both end up at courthouse looking for full-custody. Her H leaves with baby, because according to RAD, they were told if they didn't stop going at one another, they'd both be arrested. RAD claims he wouldnt even let her hold baby. A little history......same s*** happened with RAD's first H. He took their child & hid her. I'm awfulizing & futurizing (prob not even a word) right now & can't seem to calm down. Because her second H is so much smarter then the first. This one has done just about everything possible to try to jeopardize her recovery. He's one scary "Control Freak"

So, what do I do.............I go nuts on RAD...ranting & raving about how selfish the two of them are....(like that's really going to help her recovery)

So there you have it, I feel like I'm all the way back to step one.

laurie6781

Anvil said it very well.

Now me, I'm different than you.................................if that was my grandchild I would be calling Child Protective Services to get the child away from BOTH OF THEM.

That's just me. I know I cannot fix either of them, but I can sure as heck try and protect the child.

Other than that, you did what any mother would do, you went 'off' on your RAD because you were concerned about your grandchild.

Please remember SB it is "progress not perfection." Boy would we be a 'boring' lot if we were all perfect, rofl.

Sweetie, you are human. You relieved your frustration at what was being done to 'another' grandchild. Please don't beat yourself up.

Now I know you are moving forward again.

Please keep us posted on how YOU are doing. You know we care so very much!

Love and hugs,

cece1960

I always thought I had enormous "mama bear" reactions. That is, until I had my first taste of my "MEMA bear" reaction.
I would have blown also.
Her actions at this moment ARE selfish
Step one isn't a bad place to be (I know that because I visit there often) In fact the steps are always there so that you CAN revisit them.
Lets face it, life will continue to throw us curve balls.
I hope all calms and begin to look brighter
(((Hugs)))

Serenity Bound

After I posted, I then went to lunch, sat in my car and read todays C2C and SESH entries. Helped me clear my head. (along with your head butts Later, RAD called me, said that she thought about using after coming out of courthouse, however she knew it would only make things worse, not better. So she didn't, instead called all of her program friends, sponsor, etc. Also, said that she does not want to same to happen again, with this child, she tried legal assist, however no atty will be in til Tues. So I guess we wait to see what happens til then. Meanwhile, her H will have to find someone to watch the baby. He B*** & complained about that when she was in rehab.

Once again, I'll be turning it over! Of course you know I'll probably being doing alot of that over the next few days, cause I tend to grab it back. lol Progress not perfection.

BayAreaPhoenix

(((Serenity)))

Some extra hugs and prayers to you!

greeteachday

I'm glad your daughter has reached back into her tool box as well and you pulled hard enough to loosen yours.
As everyone has said, it's natural to feel emotions - geez, isn't it actually great to feel them? I know I felt so numb before I found recovery...it was a survival mechanism for me...feel nothing and it won't kill me. It's a scary situation and I know you love that little pumpkin and your "baby" too.

I know I am a work in progress and need to swing around to step one sometimes. One of the joys of recovery is finding it easier for me to back up and apologize - not for my underlying feelings, but for my reactions...To acknowledge that this time I didn't say what I meant, meant what I said and I said it mean. It's a good feeling, both for the person I need to make amends to, I believe, and for me.

I really don't think anything you said hurt your daughter's recovery, SB, but I'm sure she is glad that you have both worked through it and that tense feeling is gone. Mom to mom hugs.

Spiritual Seeker

sometimes all we have to do is listen w/o piling on.

Another option is to do nothing and let things take their course w/o our intervening.

We must choose wisely the times when our message will be received AND know
that most often our loved ones have to learn their lessons thru trial and error.

marle

Sending hugs and prayers. One thing that I try to remember with my daughter is that during her using years she lost a lot of time that normal children use to learn mature behaviors. Also early recovery sometimes can appear the same as using with the selfish behaviors that they display. Step One is one that I use on a daily basis. Isn't it nice that we have it. Hugs, Marle

hello-kitty

Hugs. I'm dealing with crazy family stuff right now. My exSIL decided to go to detox today for heroin addiction. My brothers current GF called cps on her because his daughter was coming home from her mothers house abused and neglected. (They live with the girlfriend.) Now where is my brother in all this? He's oblivious to the fact that his daughter is emotionally traumatized and that this is a serious matter. But his current GF is sucking me into this drama and I don't want to be there. She called me and asked if my brothers daughter could spend the night tonight and I said sure. But apparently she didn't consult my brother about it. So now I'm caught up in the middle. I'm pissed about being manipulated. I guess I just wont answer the phone anymore when she calls. I don't want any part of their problems and if my brother is turning a blind eye to heroin addiction, well, I don't want to be involved in that drama either.

I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it. I'm sorry for the little girl. But I cannot get sucked in. It's my brothers problem. Not mine. I have enough issues of my own.

Serenity Bound

I, too, get so angry when I get sucked into their mess. I'm trying desperately to "Let Go & Let God". I know that I cannot do a thing about this situation. Last time I spoke to RAD, she had left a msg for her H, to see the baby, but of course he's not returning the call. Then, there's the fact that my daughter sounds down, now I know why RA's are not supposed to make any decisions for a year after starting recovery. As usual when she wants to do something she goes right ahead, without a lot of thought.