I Need Some Prayers & Support
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I Need Some Prayers & Support
I need to share what's going on with me. . . I need some Prayers and support right now.
First of all, most of you know that I am very close to my Mom and that I moved her into my home back in Sept. from the Assisted Living Facility she was in. We had a severe wind storm that the National Weather Service classified as a dry hurricane and the facility had no back up generators and I was one of the 12% of people in Southern Ohio who didn't lose power, phone, cable, anything. After I got Mom here, I realized she was very ill, they were not checking her sugar correctly, giving her her meds at the right times, ect. She was paying several thousand dollars a month and I felt they were not giving her the care she needed. Due to my own physical disabilities, I decided that it was time for me to file for Disability as well. I felt God had showed me the answer by having Mom move in here, I take care of her, she won't go through what money she has left in the bank (from an inheritance) in a matter of months, but most of all, she wasn't getting the level of care she needed and I could give it to her. As a result of the neglect from the Assisted Living Facility, Mom was hospitalized a few days after she came here for a severe urinary track infection that had spread throughout her body. She was in ICU for several days. She was able to come home thank God after a few weeks.
I need to mention that Mom is a very, very anxious person. She always has been and since her medical conditions have worsened, her anxiety has gotten worse. Mom is one of those people who thinks that God left her years ago. She never got over the divorce her and my Dad went through about 33 years ago. She took on the victim role at that time, divorce wasn't as common then as it is today and this brought much sympathy from friends and family. Then about 13 years later when she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, she saw this as another reason to be the victim. Many times she has asked why God is doing this to her.
My sister's death in 1991 is something she has never dealt with. Many of us encouraged her to go to counseling for this, support groups, she wouldn't go. This has also played a part into Mom thinking God had left her, she thinks if he loved her that all of these things wouldn't have happened to her.
As I have shared many times, my Mom was about the only person who stood by me when I was at my bottom. She was the one who took me to the hospital, despite her illnesses, every morning before the sun came up, in hopes of trying to get admitted into detox yet another time. But I always heard about the hell I put her through. I have dealt with this guilt and shame years ago, thank God, or else I would not be in Recovery still. . . it was overwhelming.
For the past several years, Mom has begged me to never put her into a Nursing Home if the time ever came. She had to go to a Nursing Home three seperate times for rehab for pelvic fractures and a broken hip, all in the fall/winter of 2007. Physically, I can handle taking care of Mom, however her anxiety and belief that a pill can cure anything has been quite challenging for me, a Recovering Pill Addict. I give her her medications, including Ativan, Vicodin and Oxycontin on a regular basis and not once has it ever even crossed my mind to help myself to one. Oh, in the past when I was using, I stole so many of her pills from her. . . I had to admit that to myself and others in order to move on in my Recovery, letting go of the guilt and shame, you know?
A few weeks ago, Mom fell when I wasn't in the room. She got up with her walker and went into the kitchen where she normally never goes, and slipped on the floor. A few hours later, she was in so much pain, I called her Dr. who wanted to admit her to the hospital to make sure nothing was broken. It was to only be overnight.
This was three weeks ago today. Since in the hospital, Mom would not try to get out of the bed, saying it hurt too much. This resulted in her joints basically freezing up and made her RA much worse. Due to this, they had to send her to a Nursing Home for Physical Therapy. Since then, my Mom has basically had a nervous breakdown. She is exhibiting behaviors that are not my Mom. She is literally petrified to be standing, much less walking. I was there Sunday and helped her to the bathroom and she began screaming hysterically, she was so afraid of falling that she was walking so fast that I couldn't keep up with her, she almost fell from trying to get to the toilet which was still several feet away. Her mental status has deteoriated so badly that this morning, she had an accident in her bed and threw the feces all over the room, smeared it all over the bed and she has no recollection of this. She is nearly constantly in a state of panic. She refuses to talk to anyone from Psychiatry or Psychology, thinking that there is nothing wrong with her mentally.
Obviously she can't come home like this. She is hyperventilating out of fear so often that it causes her to be lightheaded and screams that she can't breathe and is lightheaded. She won't accept that this is causing her symptoms. She is insisting there is something medically wrong with her, calls me and begs me to have them do something to help her.
I am having a very hard time dealing with this. Using has never crossed my mind, if it has, I would be honest. I am getting over Pneumonia myself so I'm not feeling too great. (Lupus and RA causes one's immune system to be lowered as well as several of my Meds) I desperately want to get out to some Meetings buy my Dr. doesn't want me to be around a lot of people due to all of the flu viruses and illness that are going around. I got some of those surgical masks to wear to help protect me and wear these when I have to go to the Methadone Clinic twice a week, one of those days I get 5 take home doses so I only go twice a week. I can only tolerate the masks for about 15 minutes and then I feel as though I can't breathe myself.
So basically, I thank you for reading my novel, and just ask for some Prayers for my Mom and myself. My Brother lives about an hour away and isn't any help in this matter with Mom. He thinks writing checks for her living expenses is all that he needs to do. If it weren't for the love and support of you folks here, I think I would have started screaming a week ago and not stopped!
Hugs to all,
Judy
First of all, most of you know that I am very close to my Mom and that I moved her into my home back in Sept. from the Assisted Living Facility she was in. We had a severe wind storm that the National Weather Service classified as a dry hurricane and the facility had no back up generators and I was one of the 12% of people in Southern Ohio who didn't lose power, phone, cable, anything. After I got Mom here, I realized she was very ill, they were not checking her sugar correctly, giving her her meds at the right times, ect. She was paying several thousand dollars a month and I felt they were not giving her the care she needed. Due to my own physical disabilities, I decided that it was time for me to file for Disability as well. I felt God had showed me the answer by having Mom move in here, I take care of her, she won't go through what money she has left in the bank (from an inheritance) in a matter of months, but most of all, she wasn't getting the level of care she needed and I could give it to her. As a result of the neglect from the Assisted Living Facility, Mom was hospitalized a few days after she came here for a severe urinary track infection that had spread throughout her body. She was in ICU for several days. She was able to come home thank God after a few weeks.
I need to mention that Mom is a very, very anxious person. She always has been and since her medical conditions have worsened, her anxiety has gotten worse. Mom is one of those people who thinks that God left her years ago. She never got over the divorce her and my Dad went through about 33 years ago. She took on the victim role at that time, divorce wasn't as common then as it is today and this brought much sympathy from friends and family. Then about 13 years later when she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, she saw this as another reason to be the victim. Many times she has asked why God is doing this to her.
My sister's death in 1991 is something she has never dealt with. Many of us encouraged her to go to counseling for this, support groups, she wouldn't go. This has also played a part into Mom thinking God had left her, she thinks if he loved her that all of these things wouldn't have happened to her.
As I have shared many times, my Mom was about the only person who stood by me when I was at my bottom. She was the one who took me to the hospital, despite her illnesses, every morning before the sun came up, in hopes of trying to get admitted into detox yet another time. But I always heard about the hell I put her through. I have dealt with this guilt and shame years ago, thank God, or else I would not be in Recovery still. . . it was overwhelming.
For the past several years, Mom has begged me to never put her into a Nursing Home if the time ever came. She had to go to a Nursing Home three seperate times for rehab for pelvic fractures and a broken hip, all in the fall/winter of 2007. Physically, I can handle taking care of Mom, however her anxiety and belief that a pill can cure anything has been quite challenging for me, a Recovering Pill Addict. I give her her medications, including Ativan, Vicodin and Oxycontin on a regular basis and not once has it ever even crossed my mind to help myself to one. Oh, in the past when I was using, I stole so many of her pills from her. . . I had to admit that to myself and others in order to move on in my Recovery, letting go of the guilt and shame, you know?
A few weeks ago, Mom fell when I wasn't in the room. She got up with her walker and went into the kitchen where she normally never goes, and slipped on the floor. A few hours later, she was in so much pain, I called her Dr. who wanted to admit her to the hospital to make sure nothing was broken. It was to only be overnight.
This was three weeks ago today. Since in the hospital, Mom would not try to get out of the bed, saying it hurt too much. This resulted in her joints basically freezing up and made her RA much worse. Due to this, they had to send her to a Nursing Home for Physical Therapy. Since then, my Mom has basically had a nervous breakdown. She is exhibiting behaviors that are not my Mom. She is literally petrified to be standing, much less walking. I was there Sunday and helped her to the bathroom and she began screaming hysterically, she was so afraid of falling that she was walking so fast that I couldn't keep up with her, she almost fell from trying to get to the toilet which was still several feet away. Her mental status has deteoriated so badly that this morning, she had an accident in her bed and threw the feces all over the room, smeared it all over the bed and she has no recollection of this. She is nearly constantly in a state of panic. She refuses to talk to anyone from Psychiatry or Psychology, thinking that there is nothing wrong with her mentally.
Obviously she can't come home like this. She is hyperventilating out of fear so often that it causes her to be lightheaded and screams that she can't breathe and is lightheaded. She won't accept that this is causing her symptoms. She is insisting there is something medically wrong with her, calls me and begs me to have them do something to help her.
I am having a very hard time dealing with this. Using has never crossed my mind, if it has, I would be honest. I am getting over Pneumonia myself so I'm not feeling too great. (Lupus and RA causes one's immune system to be lowered as well as several of my Meds) I desperately want to get out to some Meetings buy my Dr. doesn't want me to be around a lot of people due to all of the flu viruses and illness that are going around. I got some of those surgical masks to wear to help protect me and wear these when I have to go to the Methadone Clinic twice a week, one of those days I get 5 take home doses so I only go twice a week. I can only tolerate the masks for about 15 minutes and then I feel as though I can't breathe myself.
So basically, I thank you for reading my novel, and just ask for some Prayers for my Mom and myself. My Brother lives about an hour away and isn't any help in this matter with Mom. He thinks writing checks for her living expenses is all that he needs to do. If it weren't for the love and support of you folks here, I think I would have started screaming a week ago and not stopped!
Hugs to all,
Judy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Judy,
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. How sad for you AND your mom. Your recovery is shining through. Have you thought of talking with healthcare professionals about HELP in caring for your mom? I know my BFF works for home health and they can come out xyz times a month to help. I also know that my Grandma had Cancer and had the same attitude about others caring for her. It was really a selfish stance that she took. But thankfully we have a wonderful hospice unit in our town who broke through that barrier. Between them and home health, they HELPED us and HER and saved our sanity.
Don't be afraid for asking for outside help. Your mom might not like it initially, but they are trained professionals (as is my bff) who are trained to break through those barriers. I'm going to send you a pm. Hugs to you and your mom.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. How sad for you AND your mom. Your recovery is shining through. Have you thought of talking with healthcare professionals about HELP in caring for your mom? I know my BFF works for home health and they can come out xyz times a month to help. I also know that my Grandma had Cancer and had the same attitude about others caring for her. It was really a selfish stance that she took. But thankfully we have a wonderful hospice unit in our town who broke through that barrier. Between them and home health, they HELPED us and HER and saved our sanity.
Don't be afraid for asking for outside help. Your mom might not like it initially, but they are trained professionals (as is my bff) who are trained to break through those barriers. I'm going to send you a pm. Hugs to you and your mom.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Being a person of high anxiety myself, I can sympathize with what your mom is going through. I truly believe that anxiety can cripple a person. Your mom is experiencing a kind of PTSD where her system has been overloaded for so long with stress that something minor can become really traumatic. So I will keep you and your mom in my prayers, that she gets the help that she needs and that you can be at peace with whatever happens. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Judy)))
I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going through this. I don't know what the answer is (but I'm still thinking), but I really don't think you need to bring your mom home at this time.
You are a wonderful daughter, but you can only do so much and I think, right now, she is requiring more care than you can give her.
I really don't understand why they need her permission for a psychiatric consult. I was a charge nurse in a nursing home, at one time, and we were allowed to call someone in, when a patient had a change in mental status, which your mom has definitely had. There are medications (NOT narcotics or benzos) that can help...this is just a thought.
Sending you big hugs and prayers! Please keep us posted.
Amy
I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going through this. I don't know what the answer is (but I'm still thinking), but I really don't think you need to bring your mom home at this time.
You are a wonderful daughter, but you can only do so much and I think, right now, she is requiring more care than you can give her.
I really don't understand why they need her permission for a psychiatric consult. I was a charge nurse in a nursing home, at one time, and we were allowed to call someone in, when a patient had a change in mental status, which your mom has definitely had. There are medications (NOT narcotics or benzos) that can help...this is just a thought.
Sending you big hugs and prayers! Please keep us posted.
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
serenityqueen,
My prayers are with you. I took care of my mom for the last nine months of her life. Although my mother was always my mother, she became like my child as well ... depending on me, drawing her courage from me. Although I wouldn't trade the opportunity that I had to take care of her, I wouldn't wish the responsibility on my worse enemy.
I never felt more like my mother's daughter than when I was caring for her. Your mother has a blessing in you.
Many prayers going up for you.
My prayers are with you. I took care of my mom for the last nine months of her life. Although my mother was always my mother, she became like my child as well ... depending on me, drawing her courage from me. Although I wouldn't trade the opportunity that I had to take care of her, I wouldn't wish the responsibility on my worse enemy.
I never felt more like my mother's daughter than when I was caring for her. Your mother has a blessing in you.
Many prayers going up for you.
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
In regards to outside help, right after I moved Mom in here, I got out the phone book and called every Senior Resource Agency and through determination and persistance, I did get Mom hooked up with an agency that is designed to help families who want to not have to put their loved one in a Nursing Home. I had help coming out a few times a week before this happened. Before Mom's mental deteoriation began, I had talked to the Case Mgr. of the Program I got her in and if she is able to ever come home, additional help is available.
But now, there is no way with her anxiety and episodes she is having that she can come home right now, especially after what I just learned a few minutes ago. I spoke to her Primary Dr. about her last night nd agan a few minutes ago and she looked into the situation and has put in several calls to the Dr. who cares for the patient's at the Nursing Home. According to the Nursing notes, Mom is displaying a lot of symptoms of Paranoid Schizophrenia. We all knew Mom's anxiety was bad, and as Marle said, it's like she just has had too much happen for her mind to deal with. I did some quick reading on the internet and Mom is displaying many of the symptoms and has been, we just had no idea. I'm having different situations popping in my mind now that are described as signs of the disease. I am trying to not jump to conclusions, I know it can be a number of things. The Dr. at the Nursing Home has prescribed Seraquil (sic) for Mom to begin taking. I'm Praying this will help her. It is breaking my heart to see her like this and having her call me so disorieted and distressed. I feel helpless.
As far as the Psychiatric Consult, Mom refuses to speak to anyone, we've tried in the past to get her to talk to someone about her depression and she won't, she just sends them away.
Time to call my Brother. He doesn't even call me to check on her, I have to call him. I have asked for his help and support, but, he hasn't made any effort whatsoever.
Judy
But now, there is no way with her anxiety and episodes she is having that she can come home right now, especially after what I just learned a few minutes ago. I spoke to her Primary Dr. about her last night nd agan a few minutes ago and she looked into the situation and has put in several calls to the Dr. who cares for the patient's at the Nursing Home. According to the Nursing notes, Mom is displaying a lot of symptoms of Paranoid Schizophrenia. We all knew Mom's anxiety was bad, and as Marle said, it's like she just has had too much happen for her mind to deal with. I did some quick reading on the internet and Mom is displaying many of the symptoms and has been, we just had no idea. I'm having different situations popping in my mind now that are described as signs of the disease. I am trying to not jump to conclusions, I know it can be a number of things. The Dr. at the Nursing Home has prescribed Seraquil (sic) for Mom to begin taking. I'm Praying this will help her. It is breaking my heart to see her like this and having her call me so disorieted and distressed. I feel helpless.
As far as the Psychiatric Consult, Mom refuses to speak to anyone, we've tried in the past to get her to talk to someone about her depression and she won't, she just sends them away.
Time to call my Brother. He doesn't even call me to check on her, I have to call him. I have asked for his help and support, but, he hasn't made any effort whatsoever.
Judy
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Judy, I just lit a candle for you. My mom's almost 83, has early-stage Alzheimer's, and insists on living alone. But, she's relatively healthy otherwise. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I pray you find your way through it. Prayers for you, prayers for your mom.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Serenity... Both you and your mother are going through some very difficult times. I know that all the stress that you are experiencing will contribute to the worsening of your illnesses.
I understand that you want to be there for your mother, as would I no matter what. Just make sure to take some breaks and hopefully find a way to get your brother to help.
You and your mother are both in my prayers. :ghug3
I understand that you want to be there for your mother, as would I no matter what. Just make sure to take some breaks and hopefully find a way to get your brother to help.
You and your mother are both in my prayers. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: A very HOT place, near the beach ;-)
Posts: 295
Judy, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with and what your mom is going through. I don't have any words of advice or wisdom in this situation but I am praying for you and your mom to pull through this. Hopefully she will get the proper treatment and can stabilize enough to come home.
hugs,
HT
hugs,
HT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: In the sun, by the beach
Posts: 189
Many hugs . . . I don't know how you do it. My partner has an inflammatory disease similar to RA, and I have friends with Lupus. I'm sure that you know that stress can aggravate these conditions.
Whatever is ahead might not be pleasant, and I pray that you have the strength to handle it with your usual class and grace. Don't have too much guilt about the past . . . there is a separate program for the people in our lives, and they make the choice not to get help for themselves and throw themselves in front of the train wreck that we call a life. That doesn't make anything ok, but I am one who believes that each person needs to take responsibility for their action.
In Japan, face masks are common. People have worn them on the street for decades and they are sold in drug stores. I wonder if you could get one of those for yourself, maybe work better than the ones you're using.
Hugs and prayers
Whatever is ahead might not be pleasant, and I pray that you have the strength to handle it with your usual class and grace. Don't have too much guilt about the past . . . there is a separate program for the people in our lives, and they make the choice not to get help for themselves and throw themselves in front of the train wreck that we call a life. That doesn't make anything ok, but I am one who believes that each person needs to take responsibility for their action.
In Japan, face masks are common. People have worn them on the street for decades and they are sold in drug stores. I wonder if you could get one of those for yourself, maybe work better than the ones you're using.
Hugs and prayers
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,139
(((SQ))) Sending prayers for you and yours!!
I have GADs so I know alittle of what your Mom is dealing with. It is very often difficult for people who don't have any anxiety issues to understand...especially when medication is involved.
My Dad had 'something' happen about 5-yrs ago...I say 'something' because he would never go to the DR to find out what it was or to get help. Just from what I know and what I've read it seems like a sort of Dementia related mental illness or even some Schizophrenia too.
He has not left the house (literally!) in 4-yrs, has not bathed in about 2-yrs, refuses to change his clothes (he sleeps in them) and health deteriorating majorly!
My Mother is his caretaker and also his enabler. It is very rough on her to do this day in and day out and I would not wish it on anyone!!
My MIL, on the other hand, was just recently diagnosed with Alzheimers and her health is also quickly deteriorating. The family moved her in with my SIL and she seems to be doing alittle better now but needs 24/7 care. She also attends a daily adult day care at the local Senior Citizens Center which has been really good for her...gets her out and around people, they have projects and games and a nice meal and snacks throughout the day. I highly recommend checking into that as it also takes some of the stress off the caretaker!
Well, hope something there helped! It is so tough to become "the parent" and especially when dealing with mental illness or sickness! I have to remind myself all the time that I do the best I can and leave the rest to God, sometimes having to "detach" from the situation in order to keep my own sanity because I know I am no good to anyone if I am stressed, anxious and/or upset all the time!
Best wishes!!
Jane
I have GADs so I know alittle of what your Mom is dealing with. It is very often difficult for people who don't have any anxiety issues to understand...especially when medication is involved.
My Dad had 'something' happen about 5-yrs ago...I say 'something' because he would never go to the DR to find out what it was or to get help. Just from what I know and what I've read it seems like a sort of Dementia related mental illness or even some Schizophrenia too.
He has not left the house (literally!) in 4-yrs, has not bathed in about 2-yrs, refuses to change his clothes (he sleeps in them) and health deteriorating majorly!
My Mother is his caretaker and also his enabler. It is very rough on her to do this day in and day out and I would not wish it on anyone!!
My MIL, on the other hand, was just recently diagnosed with Alzheimers and her health is also quickly deteriorating. The family moved her in with my SIL and she seems to be doing alittle better now but needs 24/7 care. She also attends a daily adult day care at the local Senior Citizens Center which has been really good for her...gets her out and around people, they have projects and games and a nice meal and snacks throughout the day. I highly recommend checking into that as it also takes some of the stress off the caretaker!
Well, hope something there helped! It is so tough to become "the parent" and especially when dealing with mental illness or sickness! I have to remind myself all the time that I do the best I can and leave the rest to God, sometimes having to "detach" from the situation in order to keep my own sanity because I know I am no good to anyone if I am stressed, anxious and/or upset all the time!
Best wishes!!
Jane
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Judy - you have lots of support here. You DO need to take care of yourself as there are are staff to take care of your mother right now. Hopefully the doctor's will figure out something soon and get your mom place where she needs to be but that is not with you right now.
Kelli was on Serequel for a while. I think its used for several different things but it helped her alot. She used to, as she calls it, write books in her head. The Serequel allowed her to sleep and relax some because she was pretty uptight.
You know I love you and I'm always just a phone call or text message away!
Kelli was on Serequel for a while. I think its used for several different things but it helped her alot. She used to, as she calls it, write books in her head. The Serequel allowed her to sleep and relax some because she was pretty uptight.
You know I love you and I'm always just a phone call or text message away!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Megaluckofthebuddha coming out from me too, SQ. Sorry about your struggles.
I have one question, though ... is there anything different about her meds since she went into hospital? To me this somewhat sounds like it could possibly be some kind of reaction to meds. Something you might not think of, to, is that if she's been switched to morphine from her usual opioids (or if she hasn't been taking opioids of late), that can sometimes cause odd reactions, esp. in older folks.
Anyways, I don't have much else to add, except that I admire you and think you ROCK, and are probably one of the best daughters any parent could have
I have one question, though ... is there anything different about her meds since she went into hospital? To me this somewhat sounds like it could possibly be some kind of reaction to meds. Something you might not think of, to, is that if she's been switched to morphine from her usual opioids (or if she hasn't been taking opioids of late), that can sometimes cause odd reactions, esp. in older folks.
Anyways, I don't have much else to add, except that I admire you and think you ROCK, and are probably one of the best daughters any parent could have
mi vida loca
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: the desert
Posts: 351
oooh SQ...im so very sorry you have been dealing with all of this...we went through something very similiar with my grandmother in the late 90s...it was AWFUL. you are always so helpful and such an inspiration to me and many others on the boards and my heart is just breaking for you right now. this is a horribly rough situation. i will be praying for you: for strength, for peace of mind and spirit and for your mom that something comes to light to offer some reason as to why these things are happening. ((((SQ)))) really judy, you have been a huge contributor to many decisions ive made since joining the board and im just really pulling for you and your mom right now. God bless you and your mama...please let us know how things are coming along and please remember not to forget about YOU, what you need to stay clean, healthy and happy. big, big hugs (((JUDY))) take care
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
Don't thank me for reading this, thank YOU for sharing it. I teared up through the entire thing. You are so strong - my heart goes out to you and your mom. Stay strong, and if you ever need someone to talk to (I'll even try to make you laugh) PM me!
Take care,
Rachel
Take care,
Rachel
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