sfgirl

I have been devouring recovery books in my early recovery because books have always made me feel connected and given me information which makes me feel safe. It is getting to a point where they are all starting to blend together. However, the book that I am reading right now describes early recovery really well, definitely the best of all the books that I have read so far. This book is called A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety, and Radical Transformation by Stephanie Brown, PhD.

I really wanted to share a passage because I think that reading this board and also in general, people in early recovery think that they are moving from a bad place to a good place and that their feelings will reflect that instantly and singularly. As in I will quit doing drugs or drinking and suddenly I will be happy or quickly I will be happy. I know I at one point felt that way. And when it doesn't happen that way we ask ourselves what is wrong with me? Do I not "get" recovery? Why am I not happy? So I just wanted to share a quote from the book which basically likens the beginning of recovery to being a newborn out of the womb (maybe a slightly cheesy image but quite apt if you ask me) and that all sorts of feelings are normal— extreme depression, complete numbness, and happiness:

p38

"New recovery is painful on several levels. First, newly recovering women must deal with the normal feelings that most women have but which they ahve buried under addiction. Second, they have to face the ambivalence they feel as they bring their own recovery needs into balance with meeting the needs of others. Third, they experience shame and guilt, loss, sadness, and other difficult feelings as they face the sometimes outrageous, irresponsible, and even dangerous things they did during their addiction. Fourth, they may find themselves threatened by new, or more intense, memories of trauma during their childhood and adult life.

Unfortunately, many women don't know that it's normal to feel a full range of emotions in sobriety, from anxiety to sadness to pleasure. What's more they don't want this kind of 'normal.' They want to feel better. They don't want to hear that this is what you get when you stop using.

It's very hard to hear that recovery is about learning to accept problems, conflicts, and emotional pain as normal and then learning different ways to cope. Women may conclude that they are doing something wrong if they are having problems in recovery. Quite the contrary. The fact that they are having problems and emotional pain is a sign that they are in recovery.
....
Whether you feel a lot, feel a little, or feel nothing at all, it is normal. You just don't want to start using in order to stop the feelings or in order to start them."

nickishine

Thanks SFgirl! I'm with ya on all that 100%!

I love the last line wrote here! "You just don't want to start using in order to stop the feelings or in order to start them"....

Thank you!

Emily2002

Thank you for sharing that passage, sfgirl. Wow. Every night I need to read a bit in order to get to sleep, and alongside the purely entertainig stuff I typically keep a recovery related book as well as a Bible.

I think this book's one I'll definitely have to check out.

TryingSoHard

Wow, sfgirl, thank you so much for that. I wish I had read that a couple of months ago. It sure does describe how I was feeling PERFECTLY. I will have to check that book out.

Philly

Thanks and please share your readings with us. We all have alot to learn. Some people seem to feel better right away. I'm over 6 months sober which is probably still early recovery and I am just starting to feel ok. I will have to check out the book.