husband on my nerves
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Abingdon, Md
Posts: 51
husband on my nerves
My husband and I are having problems right now, and sometimes I want to use b/c of the issues. We are going to go to marriage counseling on the 18th. But I am in fear that this won't solve our problems. And my sobriety is in danger if this doesn't work. My sponsor told me not to make any major decisions for a year, I feel as though that is too long; incase I want a divorce. My sobriety is more important than my marriage right now.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by KITTYCAT12 
My husband and I are having problems right now, and sometimes I want to use b/c of the issues. We are going to go to marriage counseling on the 18th. But I am in fear that this won't solve our problems. And my sobriety is in danger if this doesn't work. My sponsor told me not to make any major decisions for a year, I feel as though that is too long; incase I want a divorce. My sobriety is more important than my marriage right now.
Regardless of what happens in your relationship, I'd urge you to remember that using fear is one of the self-centered emotions at the root of our condition and that to use in the face of fear is a selfish action. Any possibility of making forward progress ends when we pick up and can't again begin until we put back down again. If you're an addict like me, using in a medicinal way (to treat your fear) can't be done with impunity.
Good thoughts coming your way. Keep talking to your sponsor and keep your focus on the steps.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,707
If you're an addict like me, using in a medicinal way (to treat your fear) can't be done with impunity.
I agree with Sugah.
Please hang on to your clean time. Sh!tting on it for any reason will only make things worse.
You can stay clean!
I agree with Sugah.
Please hang on to your clean time. Sh!tting on it for any reason will only make things worse.
You can stay clean!
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Just for today - exactly. Just focus on today.
I use the NA 12-step program to get through some days - or even parts of my day - where me and my husband of 25 yrs get flaky. I'm only coming up on 6 months - he's coming up on 4 months. We started out using together even before we were dating. This is the first time we have ever been clean together. My clean-time is very important to me. There are times when I think us working the program together won't work. We're together 24/7 most of the time. At times I think divorce might be an answer, too...but how can I know for sure until I work all the steps and apply them not just to my staying clean, but applying it to my marriage, too.
I AM confused about this some of the time, but I tell myself this will either work...or it won't. We'll either part ways, or we may become stronger. All I can do is concentrate on working through this just for today. Tomorrow will be another today soon enough.
Not knowing your situation I don't know if my experience may have any bearing on yours, but praying on it for guidance is one of the tools I use for mine. I've not recognized my HP's will yet through the prayers...but I keep asking for that guidance.
Good luck to you, Kitty.
((HUGS))
I use the NA 12-step program to get through some days - or even parts of my day - where me and my husband of 25 yrs get flaky. I'm only coming up on 6 months - he's coming up on 4 months. We started out using together even before we were dating. This is the first time we have ever been clean together. My clean-time is very important to me. There are times when I think us working the program together won't work. We're together 24/7 most of the time. At times I think divorce might be an answer, too...but how can I know for sure until I work all the steps and apply them not just to my staying clean, but applying it to my marriage, too.
I AM confused about this some of the time, but I tell myself this will either work...or it won't. We'll either part ways, or we may become stronger. All I can do is concentrate on working through this just for today. Tomorrow will be another today soon enough.
Not knowing your situation I don't know if my experience may have any bearing on yours, but praying on it for guidance is one of the tools I use for mine. I've not recognized my HP's will yet through the prayers...but I keep asking for that guidance.
Good luck to you, Kitty.
((HUGS))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yes, they SUGGEST that people in the program wait a year before making major life changes, but I promise you if it gets to the point where either you leave this man, or you are going to use ... the choice becomes clear.
There are things that trump 'the one year' guideline, and staying clean ALWAYS takes priority.
Your thinking is correct ... your sobriety has to be more important than ANYthing ... because without it ... you will soon surely have nothing left (to speak of) anyway.
There are things that trump 'the one year' guideline, and staying clean ALWAYS takes priority.
Your thinking is correct ... your sobriety has to be more important than ANYthing ... because without it ... you will soon surely have nothing left (to speak of) anyway.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Kitty,
I agree that all you can do is deal with what is right in front of you..today.
Today, you will not pick up no matter what.
Today, you will let go and let (insert HP name here) with regards to problems in your marriage. You have an appt on the 18th. So let that go for today.
Today, do something nice for yourself.
Today, pat yourself on the back for your three months!
Today, get along with hubby the best you can or avoid him, whichever you feel is what is best for your sobriety.
Keep coming back. :ghug
I agree that all you can do is deal with what is right in front of you..today.
Today, you will not pick up no matter what.
Today, you will let go and let (insert HP name here) with regards to problems in your marriage. You have an appt on the 18th. So let that go for today.
Today, do something nice for yourself.
Today, pat yourself on the back for your three months!
Today, get along with hubby the best you can or avoid him, whichever you feel is what is best for your sobriety.
Keep coming back. :ghug
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