lostbutterfly

I can't think of any really. Apart from the obvious one - I should.

I feel so depressed right now. I can't see why reality is all that great that it is worth all this pain.

TTOSBT

Aaahhh, I can relate to this post. It feels like forever ago that I felt like this but it has been less than a year. What I can tell you is that life is worth living today and I am happier than I have ever been. I am recovering and amazing things happen to me every day. It does get better one day at a time. Trite I know but true!

Don't use and get yourself a support system. The 12 steps have saved my life!

Sugah

Oh, LB--I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I'm sure you're going to hear a lot of reasons, but I'll tell you my number one reason, the reason that keeps me clean regardless of what else might be going on in my life: If I'm not clean, I can't have an open channel to my HP, and if I don't have an open channel, I can't hear the directions that I need to fulfill whatever purpose, large or small, that I have here in this sometimes crazy world.

I heard a guy speak at an AA meeting, and he said, "So long as I stay sober today, God has something to work with."

Prayers, sister.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

serenityqueen

OK, what's going on right now in your life? Does HALT apply anywhere?

Jane63

((Lost)) I am sorry you are struggling so! This disease just takes so much out of us, doesn't it sweetie?

For me, one of my main reasons was for myself and my family...they and we deserve better. And as Moms, we need to be setting good examples for our children, ya know? Stuff that will carry them on into adulthood.

My other reason was that I was just so sick and tired of the whole thing...hunting down the pills when I ran out, getting sick when I didn't have them in my system...you know the drill...it gets old and hunny, aren't you tired enough yet?

If you think about it there really are more reasons to stay in recovery than to not! I know it's a struggle at first but eventually you "get it" and things become more clearer.
Stay strong and focused!
((HUGS))
Jane

tommyk

You can wait and learn from your own mistakes.

Or... you can learn from the mistakes of others.

Keep coming back.

stone

And we get old too, lol (sorry, just adding to your depression there!), you dont wanna be that 60 year old woman collapsed on the bathroom floor now do ya?

Are you still withdrawing, cos that will explain a lot of why you feel so bad. I know how horrible depression is hun, I am 30+ days sober, don't even want to drink but my depression has hit full force. I know it will pass and so will yours, we just have to ride out...as unpleasant as that is.

Stagebear

Hey, lost:

Sometimes, throughout the day, all I have is this:
"Is taking a pill or downing a drink going to make this feeling better for longer than a few fleeting moments?"
Then I counter it with:
"How will I feel when I make it thorough this obstacle clean and sober?"

And often, those two thoughts are enough.

Knowing the feeling, I remain your faithful servant,

lostbutterfly

Thank you people. It's been a tough day. I'm not good at being sick.

I did go to get pills, but I walked out with nothing. I thought it through in the car all the way there and just thought, by Friday, they aren't going to be working any more, so what is the point. And I can't get wasted by putting alcohol on top, coz I've got to make the tea and coffees at Sunday's AA meeting, and I'm pretty sure I won't be done drinking by then!

I feel like I woke up in the wrong life. I have all these responsibilities like my job and home and kids - and inside I feel about 14 years old. It's kind of my own fault. In my 20's, I always went for blokes who looked after me. And now, I'm not sure how.

I'm in my mid-30's now, and really, without my ex-husband, I'm not sure we would have our heads above water. I look back at my life, and at absolutely no point have I ever truly supported myself. Isn't that terrible?

KITTYCAT12

Its alright to feel that way. I know exactly how u feel. But if u work it, it really does work. Have u ever been to meetings? If not u need to go and make friends. I take my 12 month old to a meeting every day.
Hugs,
jillian

stone

Screw the past LB.

windysan

because doing dope is a 5hitty way to live. it ain't livin.

emmer

The state of being numbed and watching time past by ..........its like Windy said......it aint livin.
When I'm using, I rarely pray. The thing I should be doing the most, is the thing I dont do at all.

Its like, when were loaded.....everything and everyone needs to f*** off , and this make for loneliness, and we addicts dont need that.

So IMHO using ......makes for a lonely,Godless, aint know way to live, life.

DavyDave

I remember you mentioning that you have kids, LostButterfly. That would be the top reason not to use. Especially if you have an accidental overdose. They would miss you. So would we.

Good luck LostButterfly. I'll be thinking of you this weekend. :ghug3

yonanjan

Life happen regardless if we use of not...

Be a part of life, quit existing and go live life.

Choose life today LB.

Timebuster

Sweet LB

May your Higher Power bless you.

Ivan

christin1225

The first reason that came to my mind for you to stay clean is: YOU!

I only know you online and I think that you're incredible! I can't imagine knowing you face to face. Don't deny the world knowing who you really are.

mellowchick

(((lost))) I replied to your original post earlier today and I'm guessing it got lost some where out there. The best two reasons I can give you are A) You and B) Your kids. They need their Momma. It gets better, some days are tougher than others. Some days are a breeze. Hang it there, sweetie. I'm sending you many prayers and warm wishes. Feel free to PM me-for anything. I am so sorry you're having a tough day. Hugs and prayers to you!

windysan

Butterfly,

My new and improved higher power, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, says DON'T DO DOPE. Mmmmkay?

lostbutterfly

lol Windy, you are a nutcase! What happened to Tinkerbell, you fickle man!!

It does help to know some of you've had times like this. It helps to know a lot of you felt like this at the beginning and it got better for you.

I know me and my kids is a reason, but I feel so low, it's not enough of a reason. In fact, the thoughts going thru my head are a bit scary at the moment. I started a/d's again yesterday. I should never have stopped.

I've felt like this before, the a/d's fixed it, I don't know how I could have forgotten how bad this feels. Just got the next 3 weeks to get thru while they work.

I'm really scared of going to work 2moro. I was pilled up for the interview and I've been pilled up for 90% of the time I've worked there. I feel quite overwhelmed by my job really. I just need to remember, 10 mins at a time.