angel718

Hello. I appreciate the wonderful support system that I have found on this website, and I hope that you will all be able to help me think rationally about the situation which I having been dealing with for the past 7 months. I met a wonderful guy last summer who I soon found out was an addict. He drank and abused opiates. Since then, I have stood by him every step of the way through numerous rehabs and sober living houses. I have been his biggest supporter (I do not drink or use), have always been there for him, have become close with his family, and done everything I can to make him know that I care about him and his recovery. To complicate the situation, he also suffers from bipolar disorder and depression and is taking meds for both of these. While his recovery is obviously his number one priority, I also have romantic feelings toward him. We are intimate, but he will not put the label of boyfriend/girlfriend on us. Some people have told me that this is because you should remain sober for one year before entering into a relationship. I do believe that he cares about me, but I find myself constantly worrying about him now that he is on his own and just released from the sober living home. If he doesn't return my calls, I think the worst-the mood disorders are taking a toll on me. If you have any advice for me, it would be most appreciated. Thank you.

cmc

Welcome to SR.
I hope you take some time to read the sticky threads in this Friends & Family section of SR because there's alot of good information that will help you. Being educated about this disease and my role in it has made all the difference. Al-Anon and Naranon are great resources for support too.

peaceteach

This has been a great place for me to learn and listen. Pay attention to the word "codependency" and how YOU have been adversely affected by your relationships with alcoholics or addicts. It's very eye-opening when you suddenly recognize yourself in others' writings. I recommend reading a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was very valuable to me. Welcome!

vegibean

Hey Angel. Don't forget you. I'm sure you wish the best for him but for me......well I'm the one that's gotten sober, however I wouldn't want to be in a relationship right now. I come first today. Believe me, my marriage sucked the life out of me and I nearly drank myself to death over it. I'm divorced, he divorced me matter of factly and I AM GRATEFUL!!!

I hope you find the support you're looking for here. This site is great. Best wishes to you!!

Daisy30

HI! and Welcome!

definately educate yourself about the disease if you haven't already

We all want to help them...but the best help we can be is to let them go. His recovery needs to be his own. Worrying about it won't change a thing, but it may make you sick.

Keep posting! Glad your here!

Barbara52

You've experienced all this this in only 7 months. Wow. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

GiveLove

Hello angel, and welcome.

I too would suggest reading around the forum and learning all you can about the different faces of alcoholism and addiction.

I appreciate your feelings for him, but I wonder if you turned all of your statements around, if you would find them all true:

Does it seem ridiculous to care more about yourself than about someone else? Why?

When you put the focus on you -- your needs, how you're being treated, your future goals and dreams and happiness -- does this relationship look like it's good for you? He will ALWAYS be bi-polar and reliant on medications; he will likely ALWAYS struggle with substance abuse. Is this what you want for yourself?

Learn all you can - about addiction, yes, but mostly about YOU. Your life is the only one you can control, and it's worth examining what you want to do and feel in your few decades on this planet, and see well how such a potentially damaging relationship fits in.

It's hard, but it's worth it.