Trying not to look a gifthorse in the mouth...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Trying not to look a gifthorse in the mouth...
Some of you may remember that my relationship with my oldest AD is strained at best, and she is the one who usually initiates contact.
Friday I went in to have a supposedly minor hernia repaired, and it turned out to be much larger, so I have a sizable incision, a drain in, and am wearing a binder to help with the pain. Despite avoiding narcotic pain relievers in the past, I am grateful for what was prescribed because this pain is excruciating beyond description. I was sent home the same day. Tomorrow the drain has to come out.
Oldest AD has been calling and checking on me every day, which is totally unlike her, but I have just been thankful for the moment. I still don't trust her though, so it's with mixed emotions. She's never found recovery.
Anyway, youngest AD has an appt tomorrow morning with her orthopedic surgeon for a followup on the knee surgery she had on the 30th, which conflicts with my appt to get the drain taken out, so oldest AD offered to come up with a friend (she doesn't have a car) and take me to my appt.
I am just grateful to have a way to get there as it's painful to even stand up straight and I can't stand up for long as I get dizzy. I know she will also visit with her almost 16 year old dog who I took in 3 1/2 years ago.
My higher power works in ways some times that I don't even understand, but today I will accept that.
Friday I went in to have a supposedly minor hernia repaired, and it turned out to be much larger, so I have a sizable incision, a drain in, and am wearing a binder to help with the pain. Despite avoiding narcotic pain relievers in the past, I am grateful for what was prescribed because this pain is excruciating beyond description. I was sent home the same day. Tomorrow the drain has to come out.
Oldest AD has been calling and checking on me every day, which is totally unlike her, but I have just been thankful for the moment. I still don't trust her though, so it's with mixed emotions. She's never found recovery.
Anyway, youngest AD has an appt tomorrow morning with her orthopedic surgeon for a followup on the knee surgery she had on the 30th, which conflicts with my appt to get the drain taken out, so oldest AD offered to come up with a friend (she doesn't have a car) and take me to my appt.
I am just grateful to have a way to get there as it's painful to even stand up straight and I can't stand up for long as I get dizzy. I know she will also visit with her almost 16 year old dog who I took in 3 1/2 years ago.
My higher power works in ways some times that I don't even understand, but today I will accept that.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
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When I broke my kneecap 2 years ago, I called my daughter, whom I had not spoken to in three months. She came over and was especially concerned for my welfare. Of course it did not last, but it was nice for the time it was happening. Enjoy whatever your daughter has to offer. I am sure that I don't need to tell you to hide the pain meds
Hugs, Marle
P.S. Prayers for speedy healing and pain relief for you Freedom.
Hugs, MarleP.S. Prayers for speedy healing and pain relief for you Freedom.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by marle 
I am sure that I don't need to tell you to hide the pain meds
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I think I say it so often that folks get sick of hearing it, but I am constantly amazed by the ways my HP acts. The gifts I receive are so often in unusual wrappings and I am so surprised at what is inside.
Your post reminded me of when I was in my early 20's and had to have my gall bladder out. It was in the "old days" when it was major surgery and a week in the hospital. I remember my surgeon coming in to check my drain. I was on the phone at the time and he motioned for me to just continue talking. While I was focused on that he yanked the drain right out...Ouch! But he was right...it would have hurt even more if I saw it coming, lol.
I'm glad for this gift your HP has given you - enjoy that time with your daughter. Wishing you distraction when you go for your doctor visit, relief from pain and a very speedy recovery! Gentle hugs and prayers
Your post reminded me of when I was in my early 20's and had to have my gall bladder out. It was in the "old days" when it was major surgery and a week in the hospital. I remember my surgeon coming in to check my drain. I was on the phone at the time and he motioned for me to just continue talking. While I was focused on that he yanked the drain right out...Ouch! But he was right...it would have hurt even more if I saw it coming, lol.
I'm glad for this gift your HP has given you - enjoy that time with your daughter. Wishing you distraction when you go for your doctor visit, relief from pain and a very speedy recovery! Gentle hugs and prayers
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
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When my AS does something nice I always question it too. I think we've gotten so used to them being selfish that when they arent we have a hard time understanding them when they do show their human side. I found it best to keep my boundaries in place but accept these gifts for what they are. Keep your pain meds and money out of reach so that you dont have to worry about that aspect of it and she doesnt have to feel the temptation to take advantage of you. If she does take advantage of this situation then its her problem not yours. Right now you need the help so take it.
A few years ago before my son's addiction i had foot surgery. I had to sleep on the couch for a few days because i couldnt get up and down the stairs - he was 13 at the time. My husband went to bed but my son slept on the couch next to me for a few days - getting up with me and helping me to the bathroom, getting me drinks, helping me with my meds. He doesnt seem to recall this time that he took care of me but i will never forget that he would not leave my side when i was in such need - it was well above what any child should do for their parent but I needed the help and was in no condition to refuse the one person who was there for me. Even though they are controlled by their addiction I'm thankful for the small times that they remind us of who they really are deep down inside. My son's problems make him a very selfish person but i know that deep down inside he does love me very much and doesnt want anything bad to happen to me. I'm glad that your daughter is being able to rise above herself and come to you in your time of need.
I hope that your recovery is swift.
A few years ago before my son's addiction i had foot surgery. I had to sleep on the couch for a few days because i couldnt get up and down the stairs - he was 13 at the time. My husband went to bed but my son slept on the couch next to me for a few days - getting up with me and helping me to the bathroom, getting me drinks, helping me with my meds. He doesnt seem to recall this time that he took care of me but i will never forget that he would not leave my side when i was in such need - it was well above what any child should do for their parent but I needed the help and was in no condition to refuse the one person who was there for me. Even though they are controlled by their addiction I'm thankful for the small times that they remind us of who they really are deep down inside. My son's problems make him a very selfish person but i know that deep down inside he does love me very much and doesnt want anything bad to happen to me. I'm glad that your daughter is being able to rise above herself and come to you in your time of need.
I hope that your recovery is swift.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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An active addict will never let us down with their behaviors, will they?
She showed up with two friends, and they dropped me off at the front entrance to the hospital so I didn't have to walk so far, and supposedly went to find a place to park.
On the way up there, my AD asked me as casual as could be if I would give her a couple of my pain pills in exchange for gas money. My no-brainer answer was a resounding no.
When I was all done and came out, the vehicle was no where to be found. My first thought was they had gone back to my house and were ransacking the house for the pain pills, not a far fetched thought at all.
About that time, a fellow from my AA group came walking up and we started talking. He offered me a ride home after several minutes.
I went in and let the front desk know that I had found another ride and to let my oldest AD know if she ever showed up.
My youngest AD got home from her appt in Wichita before oldest AD ever showed up at the house.
Oldest AD claimed they had just gone to get gas and coffee. Okay, whatever. Nothing was missing from the house, so I don't know where they were.
She had the audacity one more time to ask if I would spare just one pain pill because she could get 7.00 for it.
I told her I was not a drug dealer, she said she wasn't asking me to deal drugs, just give it to her and she'd sell it. Again, the conversation on her end was as casual as discussing the weather.
Again I said no, scrounged up 4.00 in cash to give her, and that was the end of that.
I won't make the mistake again of relying on her 'kindness' in a situation like that.
She showed up with two friends, and they dropped me off at the front entrance to the hospital so I didn't have to walk so far, and supposedly went to find a place to park.
On the way up there, my AD asked me as casual as could be if I would give her a couple of my pain pills in exchange for gas money. My no-brainer answer was a resounding no.
When I was all done and came out, the vehicle was no where to be found. My first thought was they had gone back to my house and were ransacking the house for the pain pills, not a far fetched thought at all.
About that time, a fellow from my AA group came walking up and we started talking. He offered me a ride home after several minutes.
I went in and let the front desk know that I had found another ride and to let my oldest AD know if she ever showed up.
My youngest AD got home from her appt in Wichita before oldest AD ever showed up at the house.
Oldest AD claimed they had just gone to get gas and coffee. Okay, whatever. Nothing was missing from the house, so I don't know where they were.
She had the audacity one more time to ask if I would spare just one pain pill because she could get 7.00 for it.
I told her I was not a drug dealer, she said she wasn't asking me to deal drugs, just give it to her and she'd sell it. Again, the conversation on her end was as casual as discussing the weather.
Again I said no, scrounged up 4.00 in cash to give her, and that was the end of that.
I won't make the mistake again of relying on her 'kindness' in a situation like that.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
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Sorry to hear about your illness, and sorry to hear about your daughter's behavior. Even though I should know better, the selfishness of the addict is beyond comprehension.
Take the visit for what it is, a chance to talk and see each other.
Wishes for a speedy recovery.
Take the visit for what it is, a chance to talk and see each other.
Wishes for a speedy recovery.
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Originally Posted by winnie12
I'm so sorry - I was hoping that she actually had found some decency but i guess she's not ready for that yet.
I guess when I think I can't be surprised by her behavior, something happens that does throw me.
Honestly, it's like there's just no conscience left at all with her.
Normally I just don't feel anything, but today there was a sadness.
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Hi Freedom, Sorry your going through this with yourself and your daughter. Heres to a speedy recovery and a few prayers for your daughter. I'm sure we;ll be battling the addiction train but it nice to know we have limits and can get off when we want to. Hope your feeling a little better today, Bonnie
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Thanks Bonnie. It was good when she left and my house returned to some sense of normalcy. I'm hurting from being up more than normal, so I took a couple of pain pills and am going to lay down and get some rest.
I will surely enjoy my shower this evening (doc okayed that)! The simple things in life take on a whole new meaning after surgery!
I will surely enjoy my shower this evening (doc okayed that)! The simple things in life take on a whole new meaning after surgery!
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