Should I stop seeing my girlfriend?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 62
Should I stop seeing my girlfriend?
I been drinking for 16 years. However, over the last 2 years I've been drinking very heavily. I starting seeing this girl 2 years ago. She has been there while I've been drinking and she tells me I need to stop. But when I need more beer, she's always right there to go get me more.
We argue all the time and I'm wondering if that's one of the reasons I've been drinking so much.
As I embark on this journey of recovery, should I get rid of the unnecessary stress. There is a 13 year age difference between us. She is much younger than me, so I feel she doesn't understand what I'm going through.
Any Advice?
We argue all the time and I'm wondering if that's one of the reasons I've been drinking so much.
As I embark on this journey of recovery, should I get rid of the unnecessary stress. There is a 13 year age difference between us. She is much younger than me, so I feel she doesn't understand what I'm going through.
Any Advice?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Danielson,
Well, it sure sounds like she's sending mixed messages to you. I think there are many things to look at when you stop drinking and begin recovery, and of course, a relationship with your girlfriend should be looked at. It sounds like you think the arguing and the age difference is causing problems for you, so maybe the relationship is not meant to be.
Focus on your recovery and things will likely become more clear.
Well, it sure sounds like she's sending mixed messages to you. I think there are many things to look at when you stop drinking and begin recovery, and of course, a relationship with your girlfriend should be looked at. It sounds like you think the arguing and the age difference is causing problems for you, so maybe the relationship is not meant to be.
Focus on your recovery and things will likely become more clear.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hi Danny,
I agree with both Anna and Rusty Zipper.
When it comes to sobriety and the hard work of recovery and all the enormous change that it brings to your life -- it is important (in my experience) to look deeply at all the aspects of your life. All of them. And really examine how they contribute to you living the best and strongest life that you can.
So, in this respect, I think it's very wise to examine your relationship.
If your relationship does not fully support your recovery, I think it makes sense to leave it in the past. At the same time, a break up is stressful in and of itself.
So, those are just a few random thoughts. But my strongest thought when I read your post was that this woman is most likely not really very good for you. The mixed messages are strange. I would bet that if you get sober and really make those changes in your life that have to be made in order to find lasting recovery, that she would find herself so off-balance in the relationship that she might leave on her own.
Getting sober really upsets the apple-cart, so to speak. In relationships. Even though I've been with my husband for almost 10 years and he desperately wanted me to get sober, it still was such a change that we really struggled for a while. We found our balance again, thankfully. But, my sobriety really challenged us, even though we were both clearly supportive of it and working hard at it.
I wish you luck and happiness. And strength. Stay here and keep posting. It's a great site with a whole lot of wise people listening.
-mle
I agree with both Anna and Rusty Zipper.
When it comes to sobriety and the hard work of recovery and all the enormous change that it brings to your life -- it is important (in my experience) to look deeply at all the aspects of your life. All of them. And really examine how they contribute to you living the best and strongest life that you can.
So, in this respect, I think it's very wise to examine your relationship.
If your relationship does not fully support your recovery, I think it makes sense to leave it in the past. At the same time, a break up is stressful in and of itself.
So, those are just a few random thoughts. But my strongest thought when I read your post was that this woman is most likely not really very good for you. The mixed messages are strange. I would bet that if you get sober and really make those changes in your life that have to be made in order to find lasting recovery, that she would find herself so off-balance in the relationship that she might leave on her own.
Getting sober really upsets the apple-cart, so to speak. In relationships. Even though I've been with my husband for almost 10 years and he desperately wanted me to get sober, it still was such a change that we really struggled for a while. We found our balance again, thankfully. But, my sobriety really challenged us, even though we were both clearly supportive of it and working hard at it.
I wish you luck and happiness. And strength. Stay here and keep posting. It's a great site with a whole lot of wise people listening.
-mle
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
All i can say IMO it is prudent to seperate yourself from all people and places that have been associated with drinking. You are going to be starting a new life and, like i learnt at my job over the years everytime i took a shine to a person working for me and tried to move them up to a higher level with little success for the majority...if we were all managers/directors who would actually do the work!
Worst analogy i have ever used that, but you get the point...i hope! Not editing too early here:-)
Worst analogy i have ever used that, but you get the point...i hope! Not editing too early here:-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
What are your arguments about, drinking? Seems like circular logic to me. I don't think you should make any big changes - other than not drinking - for a while. Get sober first (your post did not actually say that you have stopped) then reevaluate the situation after several months.
In terms of her not understanding what you are going through, that is probably more a function of her not being an alcoholic than it is a function of the age difference (unless she is 17 or something). Just MHO.
In terms of her not understanding what you are going through, that is probably more a function of her not being an alcoholic than it is a function of the age difference (unless she is 17 or something). Just MHO.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 10
We argue all the time and I'm wondering if that's one of the reasons I've been drinking so much.
Any Advice?[/QUOTE]
You drink because YOU want to not because another influences you to.
If you remain sober all will be revealed regarding your relationship with your girlfriend - and if you are drunk it will be as clear as mud.
Any Advice?[/QUOTE]
You drink because YOU want to not because another influences you to.
If you remain sober all will be revealed regarding your relationship with your girlfriend - and if you are drunk it will be as clear as mud.
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