inahaze

Seriously.

The other night he drank a 6-pack over about 2 hours and wasn't drunk at all, you wasn't easy to tell that he'd even been drinking. For me, that's a sign that you drink to much because if I drank that much I'd be pretty drunk. During our Thanksgiving argument I stated he drank to much when he was alone with the kids, that if he took had to have an ambulance come here he could be arrested for child endangerment or something.

He told me that I just needed to chill out about his drinking because it wasn't a problem. That he was functioning just fine. Cheers for him!

On New Years he got drunk, we argued and he ended up telling me that I was psycho and needed to quit flipping out because I was reading to much into things all because he drank some.

So long as he's feeling okay about his drinking he figures that everyone else should be okay with it. I tried to explain that drinking affects your mentality, emotions and how you end up expressing yourself to those around you. Of course it all goes in one ear and out the other.

He's been putting so much effort into trying to show me his drinking isn't a problem by drinking, it's crazy.

justaboutus

This is the way I think about it: Alcoholism = insanity. You can't make sense of insanity. I think of my AH as two steps away from the loony bin, calling himself Napoleon, and wearing his clothes backwards. That mental picture keeps me in check.

tommyk

He's been putting so much effort into trying to show me his drinking isn't a problem by drinking, it's crazy.

I used to tolerate that kind of behavior from someone until I realized what was really crazy.

Me, for sticking around to experience it.

Lilyflower

Let him do what he is going to do, you cannot stop it any way - this you know. Keep your focus where it can have an effect, on yourself, and work through what you need to do to keep your serenity and peace,

Love to you

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :ghug

Freedom1990

So what do you want out of life? You can't control what he does.

freeflower

My ah is doing the same thing right now. Only in front of our grown up kids. He's drinking in front of them, just a bit so they think he can take it or leave it. SHISHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

miss communicat

yep, it does feel crazymaking to attempt to reach agreement and to establish clarity in a day to day life with an active alcoholic. While he is "romancing", "controlling" and "preserving his right to" the bottle, we codependents are "speaking to" the bottle, not the person, when we try to have a functional conversation with a drinking alcoholic.

Its sort of like speaking to the wall.

Only I don't have expectations that the wall will hear me or agree with me or follow through with me on anything that is said between us.

And I, therefore, don't get crazy when i speak to the wall. (Ok. Maybe it looks like I'm nuts when I speak to the wall but my mind is alot less nutty than when I have any illusions that the wall understands anything I say or that it even cares)

So. What have I done that helped me? I no longer speak to drunk people while they are drunk. I also step away from these relationships, and come to support systems like SR (its GREAT that you are here!) to get some feedback. I also read books that help explain some of these concepts to me, and i learn by listening and watching, a new set of ways to respond besides going crazy.

Spirituality is important to me. It helps me to practice the principle of surrender: I release the alcoholic over to a Higher Power.

Acceptance helps me too. I accept the things i cannot change.
Courage to change the things i can.

Wisdom to learn the difference.

Some of the things I CAN change are inside of me. I CAN be good to myself every day, and treat myself well.

Hopefully you can begin to feel less disturbed by what your husbands says and does as you return your focus onto positive ways to take care of yourself!

best wishes!