Seagrl7

:praying No matter how I try, no matter what I say, no matter what I do...

I've been away for a while from the site as my DA moved back in with me and my husband pretending/or not that she wanted a sober life. She got 2 jobs, made new friends, was going to meetings, singing at Celebrate Recovery and all seemed that she was getting on track.... Well let me tell you DO NOT BE DECEIVED!

I went away with my husband for Christmas, gave her a lovely Christmas before we left and guess what????

SHE ROBBED ME!

SHE STOLE OVER $10,000.00 of jewelery from me and gave me some story that a dealer she screwed over was going to kill me and my husband if she didn't' come up with some valuables immediately!

So I will never let her in my home again. I'm devastated, sad, angry, frustrated and had just moved so no insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I raised her all by myself, worked so hard to give her a good life, acquired the jewelery by honest means and hard work over the years and she has now stripped me of these items and has permanently taught me that DRUG ADDICTS NO MATTER HOW SEEMINGLY NORMAL ARE DANGEROUS, CUNNING, LIARS AND SELF FOCUSED PEOPLE WHO ARE UNABLE TO LIVE AMONGST US IN OUR HOMES.

Now the question, do I prosecute? She currently has a felony charge for possession coming to court this month. So do I prosecute?

GOD FORGIVE ME BUT I HATE BEING HER MOTHER!

Hangin' In

Only you can decide what you are comfortable with as far as prosecuting.

Me, personally ... I'm 99.9% sure I would. (Still working on those boundaries. ) I have to remove the emotions from the situation and ask what would I do if it were a stranger who had broken into my home and stole my jewlery. And if there are no consequences, why would the person not do it again?

Consequences always get my attention. And when I am in pain due to those consequences, I tend to think twice before I make a bad decision again.

Seren

Seagrl7...I'm so sorry for your pain, and your disappointment. You and your husband need to decide to do whatever you feel is right. The A in my life is my BFs son....on whom we just spent a "lovely" day with police and emergency rooms all for nothing. No forward progress.

Bear in mind that this is just my opinion, but I would prosecute. I would also change the locks because if she has had a key to your place and she is telling the truth about the dealers, then you need to protect yourselves.

I'm praying too, for us all :praying

howareyounow

The Robbing really hurts. I still can't get over that one.
(I dont' know if I could live with the reprocutions if I prosecuted my Husband.) I'm letting it go for now.
You need to think how you will feel later after the shock and anger are gone.
Change the locks. Dont let her in.

Taking5

Tell her you are calling the DA (district atty, I don't know what DA stands for in your post) and say that the jewelry is gone and that she was extorted for the money. She will have to name names, cooperate with authorities on a drug bust, and have a clean drug test OR she can just admit she stole it herself.

In either case you are calling the DA. I'd love to know her reaction to that.

Let us know what happens.

winnie12

I like cynical's idea - give her a chance to replace it or at least tell you where it is so you can get authorities involved before it goes through too many hands.

Myself, I have had my son arrested several times - my house rules are not to be broken and he had to know that he couldnt use and abuse me anymore. My idle threats did nothing to enforce the rules. You'll have to decide what your consequences are - neither way is going to be easy for you.

Blackrose56

I like the idea of giving her 24 hours to come up with the jewelry. And then I WOULD prosecute. I had my ex arrested several times and did NOT back down. And out of that came his longest length of clean time. My daughter was arrested thanks to me and has since turned her life around. I had my son arrested at 12 for stealing a pack of cigarettes. He has NEVER taken another thing in his life. CONSEQUENCES are the ONLY thing that works. Since I left my ex he has found one woman after another who does NOT have him arrested and he has gone downhill. He said to me several months ago...well these women do NOT put me in jail. And I said..."Be honest, did you EVER get clean when you were on the street??? Your clean time started in jail. And at least I knew where you were and that you were safe." Again, if there are NO consequences, she has NO reason to change. When my 1st husband relapsed after 8 years and put one hand on me...he went to jail. I don't PLAY...and my kids know....mom means business.

marle

If you don't take some action, she will likely repeat hers in the future. If you want any chance of getting your jewelry back you must take action. Giving her 24 hours is a good start. Contacting the police or the DA is good follow up action if she does not come up with the jewelry. I am sorry that the lesson had to be so painful for you, but you will know what to expect in the future and what things you need to do to protect yourself. My daughter never lived with me during active addiction and never stole from me (yet) but the things that I read and learned about addiction on this forum made me aware of what could happen and thus I never took the chance. My daughter is 7 months clean but I still protect myself. With an addict you must follow the rule of better safe than sorry. Hugs, Marle

devastated

I am so sorry that once again a mother's love was betrayed because of drugs.

My son moved back in withus in October directly from prison. He looked great sounded even better with high hopes of recovery.

Even though I heard him say all the right things, I did not, and still do not, trust him completely. I took special pains to "hide" all valuables, even though he had not stolen from us since he was 15 years old, I still did not/do not trust him. Trust takes a great deal of time to rebuild and it hasn't been that long.

I still do not even believe that he isn't using, but he is being tested all the time so I guess I'll know soon enough if he is.

There are times when I don't like his attitude much, which to me is a dead give away that drugs are involved. Can't prove anything yet, and pray that I'm wrong, but time will tell.

I'm sure sorry about your losing all your treasures...I pray your daughter kicks it.

Hugs, Devastated

winnie12

I guess this is kinda bad and i'm not sure if this is a controlling thing but sometimes i'll leave a couple of bucks lying around to see if it disappears. So far he's failed that test so that tells me that i still need to keep my valuables and anything personal locked up in my bedroom. I keep a key around my neck - its got to bother him but the funny thing is he has never asked me why i do it or why i let his sister use the key. He doesnt ask at all - i guess even he knows he cant be trusted. The day I can leave a 20 on the kitchen table and it still be there in a few days is when i'll know i can try trusting him enough to leave my bedroom unlocked.

It really is a pain to have to unlock my own bedroom door everytime i want to go in.

mooselips

So sorry she robbed you, that hurts so much....

We once trusted our youngest to stay in our home when we went on vacation to come home to a empty sort of house....VCR, scanner, jewelry...etc. It sucks...cause you feel like you can never trust again.


Us parents have a hard time, when it's our kids we have to turn in, but if your daughter was a friend, who did this to you, would you hesitate to have her arrested?

Addiction stinks.

Hugs....

outtolunch

Oh my. The bad guys waited until you went on vacation to threaten your life and your daughter saved the day by giving them all your jewelry.

No doubt, it's all at a pawn shop somewhere.

Her choices. Her consequences. I would call the Police and press charges.

The next house she robs might have someone with a big ole shotgun waiting for her. This way you have saved her life right back at her.

Maggiemac

I had all my good things taken also, and guess what insurance doesn't pay the full price to replace them. I had insurance and was in the hole about $8.000 I know my son took them and I was mad. Yelled screamed my things were gone. He said he didn't take them yeh right. I can remember the first time I put a lock on my bedroom door. I told me husband it is a shame we have to carry are good things around so he will not take them. All ways putting my purse under the bed when bed room was not locked he still tried to get into my purse. When I think of these things I did so he would not take them I can't believe it. Damn those drugs!!!
Praying for you,
Maggiemac:praying

Ann

Press charges would be my vote. I'm sorry I didn't press charges when my son stole from us. I would do it in a heartbeat today.

As Hangin' says, there are consequences and if we protect them then they will never learn and do it again, or as someone above said, next time they may do it to someone with a shotgun.

I'm sorry this happened, I know your pain. Sadly, it's a common story and most of us learned the hard way that they cannot be trusted in our homes.

Hugs

URMYEVERYTHING

I just had this happen to me with my HB. I changed my locks immediately and reported the theft to the police. In PA, you have up to a year to press charges. Check your state laws but nonetheless a police report should be filed. I told HB that I filed the police report and if you mess with me again charges will be pressed. He came up with the pawn ticket for my 3000 dollar ring in which he only got 200 dollars for and my 1500 dollar earrings are lost in the wind. When you file a police report they are tagged in the system as a "suspect." Meaning, if they get arrested anywhere else, their name will show in the connection of the police report you filed. So, automatic charges will apply. Boom bam, you don't even have to do anything. I gave my HB 48 hours to come up with answers or the Philadelphia police was knocking down his door. I got results!!!!