I just found out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 70
I just found out
I just found out my husband is a IV heroin user.
I NEVER knew. He has type 1 diabetes, and has been taking insulin since the age of 7. Needles around the house was never odd.
I found out boxing day. Caught him red-handed in the basement laundry room.
He was sick all the time, moody, agressive, lethargic, didn't shower, vomiting all the time, I thought it was the diabetes....and he encouraged this belief.
I thought we were getting our house robbed all the time....I was scarred in my house that 'robbers' would break in again.
He stole ALL my jewelry (wedding rings too ). He ruined us financially.
I have found out HE HAS NOT BEEN PAYING THE RENT, he said he was.
He's driving an uninsured car under my name and refuses to lisen to me not to drive it. ALL THIS WHILE WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL BOYs 1 y and 5 y.
I kicked him out. I will never get past this. He ruined our lives.
I also just found out he was getting high WITH MY BABY. I cant believe it. It makes me sick. I can't get that thought out of my head. He would say 'Ill take the baby and give you a break' ....he would go to the local donut shop with him and shoot up in the bathroom everymorining!! The image is killing me.
I would get so mad that he was sick all the time, but not 'try' to get healthier. He says I made him even more depressed and was using because of me.
I used to think if he just took vitamins or washed his hands more he's stop getting so sick and lazy. I'm an idiot. I'm so ashamed.
He ruined our marriage, my life and the kids.
He said he will do a medical detox this week. He said he is glad he was finally caught. He is staying with a relative who has no idea. He said we had a 'spat'. I said he could not see the kids till he was clean. I KNOW he endareged them. (ie driving)
Now after all this....I love him (or the old him), I miss him, I want to hold him and take away his pain.
I need to pay my rent, get food get my life together for the kids, I was a stay at home mom.
Do I come out in the open? I will need help from friends and family to get trough this. What about his family (they have supported us often, when my husband was supposidly to sick to work)
Will people understand? What do I do to protect my kids, life?
Should i keep the secret. He wants me too.
He could die (with the heroin and juvenile diabetes).
I haven't slept since boxing day. Only my mom knows. She's crying too.
I NEVER knew. He has type 1 diabetes, and has been taking insulin since the age of 7. Needles around the house was never odd.
I found out boxing day. Caught him red-handed in the basement laundry room.
He was sick all the time, moody, agressive, lethargic, didn't shower, vomiting all the time, I thought it was the diabetes....and he encouraged this belief.
I thought we were getting our house robbed all the time....I was scarred in my house that 'robbers' would break in again.
He stole ALL my jewelry (wedding rings too ). He ruined us financially.
I have found out HE HAS NOT BEEN PAYING THE RENT, he said he was.
He's driving an uninsured car under my name and refuses to lisen to me not to drive it. ALL THIS WHILE WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL BOYs 1 y and 5 y.
I kicked him out. I will never get past this. He ruined our lives.
I also just found out he was getting high WITH MY BABY. I cant believe it. It makes me sick. I can't get that thought out of my head. He would say 'Ill take the baby and give you a break' ....he would go to the local donut shop with him and shoot up in the bathroom everymorining!! The image is killing me.
I would get so mad that he was sick all the time, but not 'try' to get healthier. He says I made him even more depressed and was using because of me.
I used to think if he just took vitamins or washed his hands more he's stop getting so sick and lazy. I'm an idiot. I'm so ashamed.
He ruined our marriage, my life and the kids.
He said he will do a medical detox this week. He said he is glad he was finally caught. He is staying with a relative who has no idea. He said we had a 'spat'. I said he could not see the kids till he was clean. I KNOW he endareged them. (ie driving)
Now after all this....I love him (or the old him), I miss him, I want to hold him and take away his pain.
I need to pay my rent, get food get my life together for the kids, I was a stay at home mom.
Do I come out in the open? I will need help from friends and family to get trough this. What about his family (they have supported us often, when my husband was supposidly to sick to work)
Will people understand? What do I do to protect my kids, life?
Should i keep the secret. He wants me too.
He could die (with the heroin and juvenile diabetes).
I haven't slept since boxing day. Only my mom knows. She's crying too.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry, but glad you found us. You will find many here who, like you, had no idea. Active addicts are very good at covering their actions and I hope you know that none of what happened has anything to do with you.
We don't make them use, anymore than we can make them stop. Blaming us means they don't have to take responsibility for themselves. We have an expression here called the 3 C's...we didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
You did the right thing to remove yourself and your babies from the danger of living with an active needle using addict. As bad as it may seem, your life isn't over, just the nightmare of living with addiction.
Counseling may help you, or meetings. Alanon, Naranon and CoDA are 3 similar meetings that have helped many of us. I know that meetings saved my life, literally.
Make yourself comfortable and take a read around. Others will be along to welcome you and walk with you through this painful time.
Hugs
We don't make them use, anymore than we can make them stop. Blaming us means they don't have to take responsibility for themselves. We have an expression here called the 3 C's...we didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
You did the right thing to remove yourself and your babies from the danger of living with an active needle using addict. As bad as it may seem, your life isn't over, just the nightmare of living with addiction.
Counseling may help you, or meetings. Alanon, Naranon and CoDA are 3 similar meetings that have helped many of us. I know that meetings saved my life, literally.
Make yourself comfortable and take a read around. Others will be along to welcome you and walk with you through this painful time.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Welcome How. I am sorry for the reason you looked for us, but glad you found us. You are not alone. I know, because I was where you were. I too have 2 kids... although they are 15 and 17 now. I lived threw what you are experienced and I stayed, (IMO) way tooooo long. I rode the train of denial...."he said he stopped, maybe it's true this time...it must be... it will be ok" for a long time. I too didn't know he was using until his dealer showed up at the house one evening....he was God's knows where and I was home with two little ones... not much older than your little ones. Even then, I let him stay. I wanted it to be different... I had not yet learned that I didn't cause it, couldn't control it and couldn't cure it.
I finally made the decision "no more". He moved out in July. It hasn't been easy, but I am getting healthy and sane. You will too. Keep coming here, read all you can get you hands on, reach out to friends you trust in your own time, find meetings. The main thing is focus on YOU and take care of YOU and the rest will come.
Good for you that you have reached out to others here and are making the steps to move forward. HUGS to you.
I finally made the decision "no more". He moved out in July. It hasn't been easy, but I am getting healthy and sane. You will too. Keep coming here, read all you can get you hands on, reach out to friends you trust in your own time, find meetings. The main thing is focus on YOU and take care of YOU and the rest will come.
Good for you that you have reached out to others here and are making the steps to move forward. HUGS to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
One thing I have learned is there are many SECRETS within addiction... and they can be crazy-making and inject unmanageability into my life if I allow them.
You're situation sounds similar to mine in that there were Red Flags everywhere, but I didn't clearly recognize them as such. I believed there was an alternative explanation for what I was living with. (car accident) Things became 'different' after the accident and I couldn't plead what sounded like a reasonable explanation from my ex. It was just a lot of confusion that didn't make sense until the relationship ended and God granted me additional information/findings that points to opiate addiction.
Point being is that I didn't really share what was going-on in my life (lack of financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual accountability) with too many people... I simply believed I was being committed and devoted through all the 'bad breaks'. I suffered in my frustration mostly in silence and desperation, looking for an explanation of the deteriorating relationship... I became as sick as the secrets being protected.
I now know this... BECAUSE I'M DISCLOSING/TALKING ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME DOES NOT MEAN I'M BEING DISLOYAL TO SOMEONE ELSE. It means I don't accept suffering, via the 'noble' pursuit of martyrdom, for the sake of someone else... I don't keep taking the poison hoping the other person will get sick. I've heard it said, "Get down off the cross... we need the wood."
For me anyway, I can't recover from the effects of addiction by keeping secrets, but how you choose to cope is up to you as I can't tell you what will work best in your situation. I'm simply speaking from my own experience and that which has worked for me.
I hope you'll continue to share here, at least, in order to find some serenity. Welcome!
Many Blessings,
Shaman
You're situation sounds similar to mine in that there were Red Flags everywhere, but I didn't clearly recognize them as such. I believed there was an alternative explanation for what I was living with. (car accident) Things became 'different' after the accident and I couldn't plead what sounded like a reasonable explanation from my ex. It was just a lot of confusion that didn't make sense until the relationship ended and God granted me additional information/findings that points to opiate addiction.
Point being is that I didn't really share what was going-on in my life (lack of financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual accountability) with too many people... I simply believed I was being committed and devoted through all the 'bad breaks'. I suffered in my frustration mostly in silence and desperation, looking for an explanation of the deteriorating relationship... I became as sick as the secrets being protected.
I now know this... BECAUSE I'M DISCLOSING/TALKING ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME DOES NOT MEAN I'M BEING DISLOYAL TO SOMEONE ELSE. It means I don't accept suffering, via the 'noble' pursuit of martyrdom, for the sake of someone else... I don't keep taking the poison hoping the other person will get sick. I've heard it said, "Get down off the cross... we need the wood."
For me anyway, I can't recover from the effects of addiction by keeping secrets, but how you choose to cope is up to you as I can't tell you what will work best in your situation. I'm simply speaking from my own experience and that which has worked for me.
I hope you'll continue to share here, at least, in order to find some serenity. Welcome!
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((howareyounow)))
Please don't beat yourself up by thinking you should have known he was using. I was deceived for a LONG time before I knew my sons were addicts. They excell at lying and manipulating us.
But now, you have the truth on your side, and you can start helping you, by attending meetings, just for you.
The heartache you feel must be overwhelming, but give it some time, hopefully, this is the bottom he needs, and will seriously seek treatment.
Praying for you...
Please don't beat yourself up by thinking you should have known he was using. I was deceived for a LONG time before I knew my sons were addicts. They excell at lying and manipulating us.
But now, you have the truth on your side, and you can start helping you, by attending meetings, just for you.
The heartache you feel must be overwhelming, but give it some time, hopefully, this is the bottom he needs, and will seriously seek treatment.
Praying for you...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 269
(((How)))
I too am married to a heroin addict, a recovering heroin addict. I did not know he was using heroin until "family week" at rehab, but it made sense after I found out. He was usually a prescription pill addict who moved on to heroin.
My best advise to you right now is to run to an alanon or naranon meeting....for YOU! He can deal with the using or detoxing, but YOU need to help YOU. I only wish I would have found this board and my alanon group when my husband was still in active addiction. Don't get me wrong, alanon is still my life line right now, but I sure needed the program back then.
Much love to you....be sure to take care of YOU and your children!!
LynziDee
I too am married to a heroin addict, a recovering heroin addict. I did not know he was using heroin until "family week" at rehab, but it made sense after I found out. He was usually a prescription pill addict who moved on to heroin.
My best advise to you right now is to run to an alanon or naranon meeting....for YOU! He can deal with the using or detoxing, but YOU need to help YOU. I only wish I would have found this board and my alanon group when my husband was still in active addiction. Don't get me wrong, alanon is still my life line right now, but I sure needed the program back then.
Much love to you....be sure to take care of YOU and your children!!
LynziDee
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
((((Howareyounow))))
Welcome to SR!!!! Sorry you have to be here and OMG...what a lot you are going thru. My daughter is my addict. When I discovered she was doing needles, I had to take custody of her then 11 year old son. I ended up telling anyone who would listen about the heartbreak, and found I had a lot of support that I wouldn't have known about had I kept the dirty little secret.
I also lost some friends through it, not sure why, but perhaps they were not the friends I though they were. I sometimes regretted telling everyone...esp when it appeared she was recovering nicely. But it's an up and down road, and right now, we're kinda going down, so again, I'm glad that people know, so I can be upfront and they understand I'm going through a lot!!
To tell or not to tell is a personal decision. As I've said, I've found it awesome for the support that you never expect, but people are generally generous either emotionally or with help with the kids...whatever. I know you'll have a hard road ahead, nightmares, etc. It's very traumatic to discover the life you've been living is a lie. I know with my daughter, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep....and probably woulda cracked up if not for this site.
Prayers going out for you and your family. Again...welcome to SR.
Welcome to SR!!!! Sorry you have to be here and OMG...what a lot you are going thru. My daughter is my addict. When I discovered she was doing needles, I had to take custody of her then 11 year old son. I ended up telling anyone who would listen about the heartbreak, and found I had a lot of support that I wouldn't have known about had I kept the dirty little secret.
I also lost some friends through it, not sure why, but perhaps they were not the friends I though they were. I sometimes regretted telling everyone...esp when it appeared she was recovering nicely. But it's an up and down road, and right now, we're kinda going down, so again, I'm glad that people know, so I can be upfront and they understand I'm going through a lot!!
To tell or not to tell is a personal decision. As I've said, I've found it awesome for the support that you never expect, but people are generally generous either emotionally or with help with the kids...whatever. I know you'll have a hard road ahead, nightmares, etc. It's very traumatic to discover the life you've been living is a lie. I know with my daughter, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep....and probably woulda cracked up if not for this site.
Prayers going out for you and your family. Again...welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
I never covered up for the addicts in my life. In fact, in AA they tell you that an active addict has no right to expect you to cover up for them. And if someone was my friend, they remained my friend even after they knew I lived with an alcoholic. Like someone else said, you' be amazed at the support you will find. I had just started with a new company when I could no longer hide my 1st husband's alcoholism. Come to find out that one of my bosses was a recovering alcoholic and he helped me get my husband in treatment. Alanon is a great place to find support. For me, I would never keep his secret. Anything you can do to "wreck" the disease and keep him from hiding it can be helpful. And you are going to have LOTS of feelings. I still miss the man I loved even though we've been apart 3 years now. And I still pray for him every day that he will find the gift of sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 70
Wow.
I'm so glad I got responded to. I already feel less alone.
I slept for maybe 2 hours last night....an improvement!
On the phone my husband still acts like he'll get cleaned up and come home.
I had to say it over and over, that I would NEVER be with him again.
ANd that the 'work' he needs to do now is to be healthy enough to see/support the kids again.
I'm so sad for my little boys. The oldest knows daddy is gone somewhere to 'get not sick' He is VERY upset.
I lost my white picket fence on the 26th of December....Merry Christmas to me....
I'm going to go to legal aid today and see about getting some sort of separation, I want to keep him away from the kids till he can prove he's clean...I dont trust his word.
I'm scared
I'm very scared.
I have to keep my head together and find a way to take care of my family.
THere seems so much to do. I can barely find the strength to keep my kids in a normal routine.
At least daddy isn't here barfing and complaining and running off.
I'm going to try to go to a meeting tonight at nar-anon. I dont know if I can get anyone to watch my kids so I may not. (I have no imediate support in the city I live in, my family lives far from me). I run the risk of telling someone that my marriage is over.
I need a good reason to ask another mom from school to watch my kids at 7:30 at night.
(especially since I'm not 'close' to anyone).
My mom has offered so much to help/ fly in, but I said 'no' because I'm too ashamed.
I may need to start saying 'yes'. I don't think I can make it on my own.
I'm utterly terrified.
It's hard to breathe.
I'm so glad I got responded to. I already feel less alone.
I slept for maybe 2 hours last night....an improvement!
On the phone my husband still acts like he'll get cleaned up and come home.
I had to say it over and over, that I would NEVER be with him again.
ANd that the 'work' he needs to do now is to be healthy enough to see/support the kids again.
I'm so sad for my little boys. The oldest knows daddy is gone somewhere to 'get not sick' He is VERY upset.
I lost my white picket fence on the 26th of December....Merry Christmas to me....
I'm going to go to legal aid today and see about getting some sort of separation, I want to keep him away from the kids till he can prove he's clean...I dont trust his word.
I'm scared
I'm very scared.
I have to keep my head together and find a way to take care of my family.
THere seems so much to do. I can barely find the strength to keep my kids in a normal routine.
At least daddy isn't here barfing and complaining and running off.
I'm going to try to go to a meeting tonight at nar-anon. I dont know if I can get anyone to watch my kids so I may not. (I have no imediate support in the city I live in, my family lives far from me). I run the risk of telling someone that my marriage is over.
I need a good reason to ask another mom from school to watch my kids at 7:30 at night.
(especially since I'm not 'close' to anyone).
My mom has offered so much to help/ fly in, but I said 'no' because I'm too ashamed.
I may need to start saying 'yes'. I don't think I can make it on my own.
I'm utterly terrified.
It's hard to breathe.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by howareyounow 
Wow.
I'm so glad I got responded to. I already feel less alone.
I slept for maybe 2 hours last night....an improvement!
I lost my white picket fence on the 26th of December....Merry Christmas to me....
I'm going to go to legal aid today and see about getting some sort of separation, I want to keep him away from the kids till he can prove he's clean...I dont trust his word.
I'm scared
I'm very scared.
I'm going to try to go to a meeting tonight at nar-anon. I dont know if I can get anyone to watch my kids so I may not. (I have no imediate support in the city I live in, my family lives far from me). I run the risk of telling someone that my marriage is over.
I need a good reason to ask another mom from school to watch my kids at 7:30 at night.
(especially since I'm not 'close' to anyone).
My mom has offered so much to help/ fly in, but I said 'no' because I'm too ashamed.
I may need to start saying 'yes'. I don't think I can make it on my own.
I'm utterly terrified.
It's hard to breathe.
I'm so glad I got responded to. I already feel less alone.
I slept for maybe 2 hours last night....an improvement!
I lost my white picket fence on the 26th of December....Merry Christmas to me....
I'm going to go to legal aid today and see about getting some sort of separation, I want to keep him away from the kids till he can prove he's clean...I dont trust his word.
I'm scared
I'm very scared.
I'm going to try to go to a meeting tonight at nar-anon. I dont know if I can get anyone to watch my kids so I may not. (I have no imediate support in the city I live in, my family lives far from me). I run the risk of telling someone that my marriage is over.
I need a good reason to ask another mom from school to watch my kids at 7:30 at night.
(especially since I'm not 'close' to anyone).
My mom has offered so much to help/ fly in, but I said 'no' because I'm too ashamed.
I may need to start saying 'yes'. I don't think I can make it on my own.
I'm utterly terrified.
It's hard to breathe.
Honestly, I think you should ask your family for help, that's why they are there...and if the situation were reversed, you'd wanna help them. This is a traumatic time right now, and until you get settled, any help you can get...TAKE IT!!
I know with me, I kept expecting to wake up and find it was a bad dream...just couldn't believe it. Don't beat yourself up about not knowing or recognizing the signs....I've even heard recovering addicts on here say they didn't recognize the signs with their loved ones. Addicts are unbelievably convincing and manipulative. And are masters at hiding most things.
When I first discovered the addiction, I was unable to get to meetings...just weren't any close by....but I found this site.....and used it like meetings, just to vent, ask questions or reach out just so I didn't feel sooo alone. You are doing the right things, taking steps legally to prevent access to the children, so give yourself a pat on the back...amazing what we can do when children are involved. You are an amazing mom.....so hang in there!!!
NSW
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
My heart just sank when i read this. My son is also a Type 1 diabetic. I'm sure you've dealt with some of the same things that I have over the years with this disease. You worry already about their health and if you are like me your just appaled that they would take these risks. My son was diagnosed at 13. The first year and half we had no problems - a few lows that were scary but nothing too bad. Then over a year ago he started having seizures a lot. He did admit to me later that everytime it happened was because he had been using. We'd go through it at least once a month - usually at night - my daughter (10 at the time) and I had the routine down. Son would pass out and go into seizure - I'd grab the test meter and the glucagon shot - she would call 911 and tell them about his medical condition, relay blood sugars, and wait for them at the front door. After - he would go to sleep and we would cry. It was hell and we didnt even know for the longest time why it was happening. Doctors and insurance company were telling me that we shouldnt be going through so many glucagon shots - that it wasnt normal - i never even thought it could be something else.
I watched my son's health go down and never knew why. His body is already so fragile and we still do not know the extent of damage that he did. Diabetics just dont heal from internal and external damage the way a disease-free person does so it takes longer for them to recover physically. We have even had problems with injuries he incurred while high - what would take someone else a couple of weeks takes my AS a couple of months to heal. Everytime I see the scars on his body I wonder about the scars inside his body that we cant see. We already know that he has some brain damage, heart damage and i can only imagine what he has done to his liver. If he continues on this path he'll be on dialysis before his 21st birthday.
My son claims that he never injected any drugs because he hates the shots so much but it did seem like needles were missing. I suspect that he may have sold the needles or traded them. I went through hell when my son was first diagnosed and suddenly I was sitting here watching his disease take over becuase he was using drugs. I went through a stage of anger over the drugs and then worry about his disease. It was an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'd be mad that he was using and the next minute have a medical emergency. I'd take him to the hospital thinking he was having a diabetic emergency only to find out it was drugs. I have a 16 yo son who appears to the eye to be healthy but on the inside his body is probably three times the age. At times he has taken more meds than the average 70 yo person.
No matter how safe they think they are being - you just cannot take drugs when you are on insulin. What is just getting high for someone else is playing russian roulette for a diabetic.
A few things that i would like to relay to you that I have learned. First - even though it is more dangerous, I found it harder to find facilities that can help my son because a lot of places dont take diabetics - most detox facilities are medical so they are easier to find but rehab can be hard because in the states they dont like the liability of a diabetic.
Second - your husband could start taking his insulin with a pen injector instead of syringes. It would be a good step for him to look into if he decides he wants to get clean. Sure a diabetic can always get syringes but they are a visual trigger. In rehab my son has to take his shots out of view of the others so that it doesnt trigger their thoughts.
Most importantly - there is nothing you can do for him but there is a lot you can do for yourself. A huge step for me was being honest with people. I didnt want anyone to know - especially my parents because i didnt want them to look down on him or me. When i finally realized that this is HIS problem and HIS choice I was able to let that be HIS consequence. He is so ashamed that his Grandparents know about his problems but it has nothing to do with me and my relationship with them. The day that I was finally able to tell people in our lives that my son is an addict was very freeing - it felt good to finally have it out in the open - i didnt have to make up stories anymore, cover for him, pretend that everything was okay. I stopped telling people he was in the hospital for his diabetes and told them he was in the hospital for drugs. It was hard at first but its easier to not have to be coming up with the web of lies.
Most people in my life surprised me with support. Those who didnt I dont really need in my life. I have also found that it was the only fair thing to do becuase they also care about him. I know that if my AS doesnt stop that he will not survive long. Bottom line is diabetics do not make good junkies - you wont see a diabetic going down this path for long. They're not going to be able to hit rock bottom the same way that others do. My family and all of our friends now know. They have all prepared themselves that he may not survive to be an adult. We know that we may have to bury him one day but it wont be such a shock if it happens. We've had so many close calls and so many times that we didnt think he would pull through.
A side effect of being honest is that help started coming from places I never expected. I would tell a friend and they would relay that they had a loved one go through this or that they had gone through it themselves. We go through life thinking that we have to have perfect lives like everyone else - but when you get down to it, no one has a perfect life and most people have been touched by addiction in some form. What others think doesnt matter. if someone turns their back on you or looks down on you becuase you are going through this then, excuse my langugage, but screw em. You dont need people like that in your life. Right now what you need is help - it is out there but you have to ask for it. You cannot do this alone and you should not have to go through this by yourself. Let your mother help you - when I finally did I found so much peace. I'm her daughter and she loves me and wants to be there for me. She has actually thanked me for allowing her to give me help. You have nothing to be ashamed of because it is not you who is doing drugs - it is someone else that you cannot control and you have to stop letting your husbands weakness be a direct reflection of yourself.
Please keep posting. I am saddened that you are going through this but i knew there had to be others who were dealing with diabetes and drug addiction but you are the first i've found.
I watched my son's health go down and never knew why. His body is already so fragile and we still do not know the extent of damage that he did. Diabetics just dont heal from internal and external damage the way a disease-free person does so it takes longer for them to recover physically. We have even had problems with injuries he incurred while high - what would take someone else a couple of weeks takes my AS a couple of months to heal. Everytime I see the scars on his body I wonder about the scars inside his body that we cant see. We already know that he has some brain damage, heart damage and i can only imagine what he has done to his liver. If he continues on this path he'll be on dialysis before his 21st birthday.
My son claims that he never injected any drugs because he hates the shots so much but it did seem like needles were missing. I suspect that he may have sold the needles or traded them. I went through hell when my son was first diagnosed and suddenly I was sitting here watching his disease take over becuase he was using drugs. I went through a stage of anger over the drugs and then worry about his disease. It was an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'd be mad that he was using and the next minute have a medical emergency. I'd take him to the hospital thinking he was having a diabetic emergency only to find out it was drugs. I have a 16 yo son who appears to the eye to be healthy but on the inside his body is probably three times the age. At times he has taken more meds than the average 70 yo person.
No matter how safe they think they are being - you just cannot take drugs when you are on insulin. What is just getting high for someone else is playing russian roulette for a diabetic.
A few things that i would like to relay to you that I have learned. First - even though it is more dangerous, I found it harder to find facilities that can help my son because a lot of places dont take diabetics - most detox facilities are medical so they are easier to find but rehab can be hard because in the states they dont like the liability of a diabetic.
Second - your husband could start taking his insulin with a pen injector instead of syringes. It would be a good step for him to look into if he decides he wants to get clean. Sure a diabetic can always get syringes but they are a visual trigger. In rehab my son has to take his shots out of view of the others so that it doesnt trigger their thoughts.
Most importantly - there is nothing you can do for him but there is a lot you can do for yourself. A huge step for me was being honest with people. I didnt want anyone to know - especially my parents because i didnt want them to look down on him or me. When i finally realized that this is HIS problem and HIS choice I was able to let that be HIS consequence. He is so ashamed that his Grandparents know about his problems but it has nothing to do with me and my relationship with them. The day that I was finally able to tell people in our lives that my son is an addict was very freeing - it felt good to finally have it out in the open - i didnt have to make up stories anymore, cover for him, pretend that everything was okay. I stopped telling people he was in the hospital for his diabetes and told them he was in the hospital for drugs. It was hard at first but its easier to not have to be coming up with the web of lies.
Most people in my life surprised me with support. Those who didnt I dont really need in my life. I have also found that it was the only fair thing to do becuase they also care about him. I know that if my AS doesnt stop that he will not survive long. Bottom line is diabetics do not make good junkies - you wont see a diabetic going down this path for long. They're not going to be able to hit rock bottom the same way that others do. My family and all of our friends now know. They have all prepared themselves that he may not survive to be an adult. We know that we may have to bury him one day but it wont be such a shock if it happens. We've had so many close calls and so many times that we didnt think he would pull through.
A side effect of being honest is that help started coming from places I never expected. I would tell a friend and they would relay that they had a loved one go through this or that they had gone through it themselves. We go through life thinking that we have to have perfect lives like everyone else - but when you get down to it, no one has a perfect life and most people have been touched by addiction in some form. What others think doesnt matter. if someone turns their back on you or looks down on you becuase you are going through this then, excuse my langugage, but screw em. You dont need people like that in your life. Right now what you need is help - it is out there but you have to ask for it. You cannot do this alone and you should not have to go through this by yourself. Let your mother help you - when I finally did I found so much peace. I'm her daughter and she loves me and wants to be there for me. She has actually thanked me for allowing her to give me help. You have nothing to be ashamed of because it is not you who is doing drugs - it is someone else that you cannot control and you have to stop letting your husbands weakness be a direct reflection of yourself.
Please keep posting. I am saddened that you are going through this but i knew there had to be others who were dealing with diabetes and drug addiction but you are the first i've found.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am another who had no clue, thus my screen name. The addict in my life is my daughter.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You did not cause this. You cannot control this. And you most definitely cannot cure this.
Once I knew, I made the decision that I was not going to be shamed or blamed for my daughter's choices.
Your husband has made some terrible choices and now the drug controls him.
The only thing you control is your reaction to the situation. Ignore your husband's words. The only thing that matters are his actions. And accept he may not be ready to get and stay clean. It is unlikely that he will be able to do so without some kind of program and rehab.
Please do not fall into the trap of believing if he really loved you and the babies, he would do whatever it takes.....and if he does not, it's a reflection on you. The reality is, his addiction has nothing to do with you or the babies.
Call Alanon or Naranon and find out if there is a meeting that has child care facilities. If not, ask your neighbors for help. Ask you mom to come. Ask his mom to come. This is a time to reach out and get the help you need so that you remain strong and healthy and able to take care of the babies.
Your survival instincts are strong and with a little help from others, you will survive this terrible blow. Remember you did not cause this and do not allow him to manipulate or blame you for the choices he makes.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You did not cause this. You cannot control this. And you most definitely cannot cure this.
Once I knew, I made the decision that I was not going to be shamed or blamed for my daughter's choices.
Your husband has made some terrible choices and now the drug controls him.
The only thing you control is your reaction to the situation. Ignore your husband's words. The only thing that matters are his actions. And accept he may not be ready to get and stay clean. It is unlikely that he will be able to do so without some kind of program and rehab.
Please do not fall into the trap of believing if he really loved you and the babies, he would do whatever it takes.....and if he does not, it's a reflection on you. The reality is, his addiction has nothing to do with you or the babies.
Call Alanon or Naranon and find out if there is a meeting that has child care facilities. If not, ask your neighbors for help. Ask you mom to come. Ask his mom to come. This is a time to reach out and get the help you need so that you remain strong and healthy and able to take care of the babies.
Your survival instincts are strong and with a little help from others, you will survive this terrible blow. Remember you did not cause this and do not allow him to manipulate or blame you for the choices he makes.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's a long drawn out process. I too was fooled by my addict. Right now your world has been been blown apart and the pieces are just starting to fall to the ground. You're not even sure where to start putting things back together. I've been there many times with my AH. Take a deep breath, calm down and get your bearings. Read as much as you can here - this site is invaluable. There's a great thread on the SA board that tells alot about the addict is thinking/doing etc. It's called "to callie and others" or something like that. Lots of good info in there about the other side.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
well I must say for not knowing and dealing with such a mess you handled it splendedly.
Stick to your guns, tell your family and his if need be. You will need them for help and support. I'm sorry you have to go through it all but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
God speed.
Stick to your guns, tell your family and his if need be. You will need them for help and support. I'm sorry you have to go through it all but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
God speed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: US
Posts: 49
I am sorry you are going through this. How devasting. You sound like someone with a very resilient spirit. You seem to be a very caring and bright women. I applaud you for taking the very hard steps to ensure your childrens safety. As many of us can attest to, neglecting our own emotional/physical well being can all too easily happen. Please make sure you are not isolated during this time, and make sure you let people love you! You do not have to go through this alone. Much love to you and your family.
My husband is an addict
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 28
How Are You Now,
I mostly lurk on this forum but this hits close to home for me, my husband too would take the baby to "give me a break" and go get high with him in the car, he would snort Roxy's, nice huh. I didn't have a clue until he was busted one Sunday morning with my son in teh back seat. He even took him to the dealers house to buy it. I was and still am livid, I finally kicked him out yesterday.
Your courage is amazing and I admire it. Good luck at your meeting tonight. It's something I still can't bring myself to do.
I mostly lurk on this forum but this hits close to home for me, my husband too would take the baby to "give me a break" and go get high with him in the car, he would snort Roxy's, nice huh. I didn't have a clue until he was busted one Sunday morning with my son in teh back seat. He even took him to the dealers house to buy it. I was and still am livid, I finally kicked him out yesterday.
Your courage is amazing and I admire it. Good luck at your meeting tonight. It's something I still can't bring myself to do.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by howareyounow
I also just found out he was getting high WITH MY BABY....
Originally Posted by howareyounow
Do I come out in the open? I will need help from friends and family to get trough this. What about his family (they have supported us often, when my husband was supposidly to sick to work)
Will people understand? What do I do to protect my kids, life?
Should i keep the secret.
Will people understand? What do I do to protect my kids, life?
Should i keep the secret.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Your post touches my heart...and hits VERY close to home.
I went thru something very similar with my exhusband (exah) about 7 years ago. I also had NO idea that my exah was using heroin. I thought he was depressed for almost a year before figuring things out.
Our son was 3 years old at the time and I was absolutely LIVID to think that my exah had been high while watching our son...while driving around with him in the car and he probably took our son on his drug buying trips but I was never sure.
I kept things a secret too because he wanted me too. He made me feel like telling anyone would be a major betrayal. I tried to keep things together and hide his secret for a little while but the stress of it all became just too much to bear.
I finally told our families what was going on and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
The funny thing is...his brother already knew and had been keeping it a secret from me. This "secret" allowed my exah to continue using...and it continued to put myself and our son in harms way. My family already suspected something was going on because they could see that things weren't right...they just didn't know the extent of it.
Addiction thrives on secrecy.
You have nothing to be ashamed of...although I admit I struggled with feelings of shame when this all came to a head.
What amazed me is how people stepped forward and held me up...the ones who didn't extend a hand of friendship and support weren't my real friends to begin with. (funny how adversity allows you to see who your true friends are).
You are on the right track. I hope you keep coming back because you are definitely among people who understand what you are going thru. This place was a real life saver for me.
Try to keep your head and your heart in the moment. Try not to project what might happen in the future....All the thoughts that your boys have lost their father forever won't help...and you never know what the future might hold. I thought the world was coming to an end but I struggled thru this journey one day at a time and my exah is now clean and our son has a father in his life (something I would have NEVER thought possible when things were at their worst).
Most of all, take care of yourself. The stress of dealing with this situation is horrible...and keep coming back for support...you are definitely among friends here.
I went thru something very similar with my exhusband (exah) about 7 years ago. I also had NO idea that my exah was using heroin. I thought he was depressed for almost a year before figuring things out.
Our son was 3 years old at the time and I was absolutely LIVID to think that my exah had been high while watching our son...while driving around with him in the car and he probably took our son on his drug buying trips but I was never sure.
I kept things a secret too because he wanted me too. He made me feel like telling anyone would be a major betrayal. I tried to keep things together and hide his secret for a little while but the stress of it all became just too much to bear.
I finally told our families what was going on and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
The funny thing is...his brother already knew and had been keeping it a secret from me. This "secret" allowed my exah to continue using...and it continued to put myself and our son in harms way. My family already suspected something was going on because they could see that things weren't right...they just didn't know the extent of it.
Addiction thrives on secrecy.
You have nothing to be ashamed of...although I admit I struggled with feelings of shame when this all came to a head.
What amazed me is how people stepped forward and held me up...the ones who didn't extend a hand of friendship and support weren't my real friends to begin with. (funny how adversity allows you to see who your true friends are).
You are on the right track. I hope you keep coming back because you are definitely among people who understand what you are going thru. This place was a real life saver for me.
Try to keep your head and your heart in the moment. Try not to project what might happen in the future....All the thoughts that your boys have lost their father forever won't help...and you never know what the future might hold. I thought the world was coming to an end but I struggled thru this journey one day at a time and my exah is now clean and our son has a father in his life (something I would have NEVER thought possible when things were at their worst).
Most of all, take care of yourself. The stress of dealing with this situation is horrible...and keep coming back for support...you are definitely among friends here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
I would get so mad that he was sick all the time, but not 'try' to get healthier. He says I made him even more depressed and was using because of me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. Sorry for the reason that you are here but you will find lots of Experience, Strength and Hope here. SR has been my mainstay since I found out about my daughter's addiction to heroin. I, too, was in the dark for a long time and tried to find reasons for her odd behavior and mood swings. After a long 2+ years of not much contact with her, she decided in May to go to rehab. She has 7 months clean and is doing well. When she came home from rehab I added Al-anon meetings to my recovery and they have helped immensely. It is so nice to go somewhere and see others face to face who have similar problems. I hope that you will find a meeting that is close to you. Hugs, Marle
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