jaerp

I've definitely been an alcoholic for the last eight or nine years, with the last four particularly bad, i.e. getting at least tipsy+ or drunk every night. Earlier this year I had had enough, and I was sober for a month before I relapsed. Well, I've come to the point again where I know I have to quit, and quit alcohol for good.

I have been sober for three days now, and the insomnia is finally starting to get better. I feel a hundred time better physically than I have in the past six months since I quit the last time, and I know I'm only going to feel better still. However, there's still something nagging me.

When I'm sober, I have the opposite problem a lot of people I've read have. I am short tempered, snarky, vindictive, and unaffectionate (especially towards my wife of nine years). I'm also bored as hell, which is ironic since I have so many great hobbies

If I'm going to make it this time, and I really, really want to, I know I'm going to have to confront the twin problems of being a mean sober person, and being bored out of my skull. What can I do?

nandm

Welcome to SR and our newcomers forum!

Your post reminded me of myself in early sobriety. It seemed everything got on my last nerve. I know of several people who went through similar feelings in early sobriety. One lady I know would not even speak to her family for the first year. I guess what I am saying is what you are feeling is quite normal for early sobriety. So what is the solution, you may be asking.

I found that the bordom and irritation passed with time. I had used alcohol to numb my feelings for so long that I did not know what to do with them without something to keep them at bay. That is where my irritation came from. I had no clue how to deal with myself let alone others. For me a big part of getting passed the boredom and irritation was working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The steps gave me the tools to live without the crutch of alcohol. Today, I am in no way bored. I am much more tolerant of others and can say that the majority of the time life is pretty good.

Hang in there, there is a solution and it doesn't have to be to drink. I suggest trying to find a program of recovery and throw yourself into it like you did your drinking. That will not leave you time to be bored and will help you find what others have done to get passed this phase in their sobriety.

nolawench

Welcome to SR!!!!
.. And congrats on 3 days!!!!!

There is a lot of relearning to do in the beginning, about alot of things, but dealing w/ emotions that were numbed out or even blacked out can very well be the hardest.

I wish you all the best. Keep coming back.

least

Counseling and volunteering are two things that come to mind over your problems with 'attitude' and boredom. Counseling helps to get your feelings and frustrations out safely and to someone who understands and can give impartial feedback. Volunteering is a way to get 'out of yourself' and give to the community. It also helps to do something good for someone: at a soup kitchen, womens' shelter, shelter animals. It helps you realize the good you have going for you. It also helps me so much to just take it one day at a time. "Forever" usually seems too long to imagine but I can deal with just today.

YOu can do this. Don't give up on yourself or your sobriety.

Welcome!

jaerp

And this is precisely why I'm here. It's hard, and I haven't even gotten to the despair phase yet--which I know is coming. The last two times I've tried this it has been alone, and I think that contributed to why I failed.

Oh, and happy holidays from the frigid northwest!

Horselover

Have you ever given up cigarettes? Know many happy souls the day after they give it up? I was one mean s.o.b. when I gave up smoking. Many years later I gave up drinking and again, I went through a period of being one mean s.o.b., but as time goes on we learn to handle situations instead of smoking or drinking them away. As a friend here once said, "We grow up and deal with life now." AA can definitely help. SR can help and many other programs. Time helps a lot! Congratulations on your decision to quit and as you know it is a progressive disease and it is best to nip in the bud sooner rather then later. Keep posting when you need to and I am sure there will be more people responding to this to give you some pointers.

dionysianstupor

I've been drinking on and off during the past month or so, and found that I had great difficulty staying on task/concentrating...because despite being fascinated with many things I also have an excessive daydreaming problem (which is perhaps a reaction to boredom), and also a great deal of restlessness on top of that from stress/anxiety that was further aggravated by the alcohol. I find that in situations like these, the important thing is to remember to be PATIENT with ourselves. I would get frustrated about not being able to focus on my schoolwork (I thought that I could quit drinking right before finals!!)...and then, looking at the bigger picture, I realized it wasn't actually realistic to expect myself to pull it all together immediately, especially given that I was trying to write a paper that was already late that I didn't give myself enough time for because I wasn't on top of my assignments all quarter, was busy drinking and caught up in my emotional drama, and so forth. I also have high standards for myself in the quality of my writing. I kind of just had to pull through that one paper, took an incomplete in another course, and figured I'd start fresh next quarter, with the understanding that I would make an effort to change my work habits. But change doesn't happen overnight...we need to set realistic goals for ourselves...small, concrete doable steps....and let go of our perfectionism.

Sorry, I'm getting a little off-track here...but I guess school comes to mind when I think "boredom," because if something is not challenging enough I won't do it, but then what happens in my head doesn't accord with what I can actually keep up with in my everyday life...hence the unmanageability of it all. I quit drinking again three days ago and I'm just sort of waiting for things to settle down. I went on a major food binge on day one and that made me feel really frantic, so I'm trying to work on that simultaneously. What I am going to try to do is watch more movies, and read a bit if I can sit still for longer periods of time. Art and ideas tend to be pretty stimulating for me...but if I'm thinking too hard about doing something rather than just doing it, it's difficult to get into it. Writing/journaling really helps. And I guess being in the company of friends?

CarolD

Welcome......Good to see you here with us

I've been using AA with great success for years.
It's a guideline for living sober...and finding the joy of life.
No...it's never been boring....

Blessings to you and your family

James13

jaerp-

I don't know about you, but I was born an addict. It's amazing that even though I am 11 days sober, I realize how much my addict nature is part of me, and how much I have succumbed to a lifestyle that works for the addiction, not me. I know that anything can be a slippery slope for me. Anything.

And by the way, I know that I have become a basket case since I haven't been using. Other things have happened too that I have been reacting about. I think that is quite normal.

Take it one day at a time. Don't drink today.

Much love to you, jaerp. Take care of yourself today.

jaerp

I've been going through a lot of older messages, and I gotta say even though a lot of them are heartbreaking, it's really, really helped my mental state hearing what others have to share--especially when I thought I was the only person in the world who could possibly be going through this

I honestly hadn't thought about it, but when I've felt alcohol talking to me, gone through gout attacks when completely sober with the accompanying angst(like right now), the side pains, the feelings of inadequacy--all those horrible repercussions that go with this disease, I guess it just makes it that much easier knowing I'm not the only one. And even more specifically, hearing about how you folks have coped with it has really helped me mentally focus for the much harder step I know is coming, staying sober.

Thanks everyone, I think I'll be sticking around.

jaerp

Eight days and counting, woot! I actually feel very little craving for alcohol now, just mostly the longing for the comfort of a glass of wine or cocktail with dinner.

Happy monday!

jaerp

thirteen days, gout attack still sucks (though not nearly as bad as when I was drinking), my wife has had a cocktail before bed almost every night and I don't even feel jealous. sleep is still kind of a pain, but i'm relearning all the tricks i used to know before i started regularly using alcohol to take their place

Omega Man

Congrats on Day 13. Hope the gout clears up soon, my wife's cousin always got that, especially after drinking heavy.
Keep flushing your system with plenty of water.

I'm about a week ahead of you on the sobriety chart but meet at the 30+ Day Club, ok?