Intervention Question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: OH
Posts: 57
Intervention Question
Hello
I have been watching the show "Intervention" and had the following question: It appears that most of the time when they do an intervention they have cards they can play so to speak (e.g kick out of the house, no money etc). In other words, they have something that they can take away if the person refuses treatment.
How many people feel that if they tried an intervention on their spouse that they have nothing but idle threats? My AW has been addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol for the past 7 years (off and on). She has been arrested before for prescription fraud, but now it appears that Alcohol is her DOC. She is somewhat functional as an Alcoholic, but I know she has a problem since I am finding the hidden vodka bottles and beer cans. Since we have children, I am in no position to threaten to leave. And I really don't think I can threaten to kick her out of the house from a legal point of view. With the drugs, I could control the money, but with Alcohol that's pretty much impossible since it's so cheap. She pretty much denies having a problem and if I accuse her of having a problem she becomes very angry. Can an intervention have any chance of succeeding in a situation like this?
I have been watching the show "Intervention" and had the following question: It appears that most of the time when they do an intervention they have cards they can play so to speak (e.g kick out of the house, no money etc). In other words, they have something that they can take away if the person refuses treatment.
How many people feel that if they tried an intervention on their spouse that they have nothing but idle threats? My AW has been addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol for the past 7 years (off and on). She has been arrested before for prescription fraud, but now it appears that Alcohol is her DOC. She is somewhat functional as an Alcoholic, but I know she has a problem since I am finding the hidden vodka bottles and beer cans. Since we have children, I am in no position to threaten to leave. And I really don't think I can threaten to kick her out of the house from a legal point of view. With the drugs, I could control the money, but with Alcohol that's pretty much impossible since it's so cheap. She pretty much denies having a problem and if I accuse her of having a problem she becomes very angry. Can an intervention have any chance of succeeding in a situation like this?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Child Endangerment.
I was charged with it when I was found drunk with the kids. My children are under the age of being able to be left alone without an adult and I was drunk and high when the police came.
I had to go to rehab (CPS ordered) and attend AA/NA and was not allowed to be alone with my children until CPS thought I was ready. It took me three months. It will be two years in April.
I am not telling you what to do, just what happened to me.
I was charged with it when I was found drunk with the kids. My children are under the age of being able to be left alone without an adult and I was drunk and high when the police came.
I had to go to rehab (CPS ordered) and attend AA/NA and was not allowed to be alone with my children until CPS thought I was ready. It took me three months. It will be two years in April.
I am not telling you what to do, just what happened to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Well my experience is that it does no good to threaten.... here is what works for me...
When Im in a unacceptable situation I have to go through the process and decide what I will and what I will not live with. With that said, I make my decisions and then set my boundries. In my second marriage I stated what my problem was, what I needed to happen before I would be willing to continue to work on the relationship. He was not willing and I ended the relationship.
It hurt and It was not what I wanted at the time.... but looking back at it today, well it was the best decision I could have made for me and the only way there would be any real change. See I did not want to play a game with him, I did not want to control him. I wanted a honest change in our relationship and no more broken promises... etc.
As stated above there are legal ways that you can secure the safty of your children, but you have to be ready to make changes, real changes in your life. I kept making threats... to the point that no one believed me... not my husband, children, friends or even myself. Until I became real and ready to change, nothing changed.
When Im in a unacceptable situation I have to go through the process and decide what I will and what I will not live with. With that said, I make my decisions and then set my boundries. In my second marriage I stated what my problem was, what I needed to happen before I would be willing to continue to work on the relationship. He was not willing and I ended the relationship.
It hurt and It was not what I wanted at the time.... but looking back at it today, well it was the best decision I could have made for me and the only way there would be any real change. See I did not want to play a game with him, I did not want to control him. I wanted a honest change in our relationship and no more broken promises... etc.
As stated above there are legal ways that you can secure the safty of your children, but you have to be ready to make changes, real changes in your life. I kept making threats... to the point that no one believed me... not my husband, children, friends or even myself. Until I became real and ready to change, nothing changed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Don't assume anything- you may have many cards that you can play. Speak to a lawyer and see what your legal rights are. Start keeping a journal - just the facts, dates etc. And stop enabling in any way. Where does she get the money for alcohol? Cheap or not it still needs to be paid for. Do you cover for her socially when she is drunk? Do you take the car keys when she has been drinking? Does she drink and drive with your children?
All that being said you can stop enabling her and even get her out of the house but she may not be done with her addiction. She may still choose booze/drugs over her family, her sanity, her life. Alcoholism is a formidable addiction and a progressive disease - it gets worse, never better without sobriety and recovery. So all the things you choose to do should be done to protect YOU and your children. Do you spend a good part of your day worried about her drinking? Do you dread coming home and immediately take her "emotional" temperature or walk on eggshells? Denial is the bread and butter of this disease. Is there a great big elephant sitting in your living room that no one is talking about?
You might want to try AlAnon - it's free and it really helped me learn to sort out the damage from my childhood in an alcoholic home and helps me deal with having A brothers.
Welcome to SR - there is lots of great support here - and many who have walked in your shoes and will understand--
Peace-
B.
All that being said you can stop enabling her and even get her out of the house but she may not be done with her addiction. She may still choose booze/drugs over her family, her sanity, her life. Alcoholism is a formidable addiction and a progressive disease - it gets worse, never better without sobriety and recovery. So all the things you choose to do should be done to protect YOU and your children. Do you spend a good part of your day worried about her drinking? Do you dread coming home and immediately take her "emotional" temperature or walk on eggshells? Denial is the bread and butter of this disease. Is there a great big elephant sitting in your living room that no one is talking about?
You might want to try AlAnon - it's free and it really helped me learn to sort out the damage from my childhood in an alcoholic home and helps me deal with having A brothers.
Welcome to SR - there is lots of great support here - and many who have walked in your shoes and will understand--
Peace-
B.
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