Tina114

Hello everyone, i would be grateful if anyone can help me with a big worry i have been putting to the back of my mind these past few months. It is because of the problems that happened last week and the reactions to them from my oldest son, age 32 that have made me want to talk to someone about it.
My son is back living at home since last year but will be moving again in a few months and unfortunately was here with all that went on last week, he reacted badly to the situation and of course brought it home to me how he is affected by the family situation, his is a long story of course and i have done a lot of research on ACOA so i know where he is coming from.
Here is my worry and i have tried really hard to work on this.
He always had problems with relationships, one lasted a year and when it ended he went through a bad time, last year he put his profile on the internet and a girl from Kiev, Ukraine, responded so they started a friendship, to make a long story short he went to Kiev to meet her and her parents, everything went well, then a few months later he went to visite her again, she then came over here to meet us, she seemed very nice and easy to get on with, she told me she wwould love to come here for good, it is not easy for her to get visas to come here and she said her parents would only allow her to come if her situation was secure,(Married?) My son said he would prefer to bring her on a six months trial to see how things would go. He brought her to Cyprys for a weeks holliday last month and he is financing everything, i think he intends to bring her over on this trial in a couple of months. She is only 22 he is 32 and i can't help but think that all is not right. There is a lot of this on the internet and yet i know this sort of situation has worked out for couples.
I do worry as he is an Acoa therefore in this situation might not be thinking rational. I hope i am not out of order posting this here
but this is an issue that i have been trying to work the programme on also, at times i can let it go and hand it over then i take it right back and all the fears come racing back, total confusion. I would be grateful for help with this, if someone would prefer to responde in private i will give them my e-mail address.
Sincerely,
Tina.

Ann

Hi Tina

Please feel free to post here and on the ACOA forum. We only ask that you do not duplicate your posts (we call that cross posting). But some issues may fit better here and some there, so feel free to use both.

I think that your son is going to have to be the one to sort out his relationship with this girl. Right or wrong, only they know how they feel about each other, regardless of how they met, and somtimes these things work and sometimes they do not - but only the couple themselves can decide.

If he feels that ACOA might help him, that would be good too, but only he can decide that.

In the meantime just keep working your program and look after your needs. I'm a mom too, so I know the worry, but this program will help you learn to let go of the worry and trust that life happens exactly the way it is supposed to.

Hugs
Ann

Tina114

Ann, thank you i understand what you are saying. I have worked at standing back over this, have advised, i know at his age that is all i can do. I also am aware that i am projecting here as from time to time i keep telling myself that i hope i don't have to pick up the pieces. I am in some confusion because of last week, but i have an appointment with my counseller this evening this will be helpful also. I have an update on my own situation but will have to post about this later tonight, a bit confused about this also.
Hope to talk to you later and many thanks for your reply and for being here. Hugs to you too.
Tina.