spda

i need an inside view of what its like from a newbie to recovery...

i dreamed and prayed every day that my ABF would see the light. on his last dreadful scary binge he came home and decided that this was it. no more. this person had hit rock bottom. he couldnt take it anymore. this last binge was the terror of my life. i wrote him a letter for each day he was gone telling him how painful it was watching him kill himself. he read them and said he didnt want the responsibility for my pain. i stood by. researched all the options for sobriety. i tried to detach as taught in alanon. all the steps you have to do for recovery. regardless of how bad the drinking was we were in love. we committed and our goal was to be with each other once he recovered.

he is now 45 days in his recovery and our relationship has fizzled. i had to officially break it off this week. he told me that our relationship was a blur and right now he doesnt feel anything or if he does he doesnt think he loves me like he did. he then proceeded to say that in AA most relationships in the first year of sobriety fail or end in divorce. i am devastated by this! i know he is sick but i believed our love was real and for it to be dismissed is so painful. he said its not that he doesnt feel or care its that its confusing and that he wants to be honest and not make excuses that he wasnt clear in the head. i feel used. he wants to still keep me in my life but i feel if he doesnt love me then why should i stay? where did our relationship go? why would i stay with someone who had only used me in the first place and now that he is sober no longer loves me. what hurts is he cant even say sorry. he blames the alcohol and how 45 days ago he didnt even care if he lived or not and now that he is sober this long...its a rebirth. i still pray that he maintains. he scares me because he pushes himself hard into work and making money-he wants to be rich again (which was what sank him into drinking to begin) and he wants to repair his bond with his kids and focus on sobriety and with all that he does not have time for me.

is this normal? do recovering alcoholics change so quickly in early sobriety? has anyone gone through this with their significant other where your emotions changes that abruptly? you believed you loved them but in sobriety dont feel love? im so lost in this....i want to move on but i love him and i am so sad that i feel disregarded in his sobriety.

psuge47

I cant speak for everyone but I can say for myself that the woman I was seeing had enough of my drinking. Im 29 days in so far and the first 3 weeks she completely shut me out and I was really depressed. A few weeks in My head started clearing and I realized the way her and I were wasnt every good. we werent as good to eachother as we could have been.I felt like I had zero support from her when I needed it most but now I realize that I had to do this on my own for me not for her.

Just today we had a good talk and if anything is going to happen with us, we are going to go slow.

I can say that I have been really focusing on exercise,health and really diving into work. It keeps our minds occupied so we dont think about drinking. Maybe he is focusing on him right now because if he was a big drinker then he was right, the relationship was a blur. Let him clear his head, he may come around, His sober thoughts are completely different than his alcoholic thoughts.