DII

My AW and I....well I have decided to split. We are still in the same house as we work though the mediation process. We went to the initial meeting and received the information packet to complete. She has yet to sign the mutual consent form. I think she will or this is going to get very expensive....but that will probably be another thread!

So Thanksgiving is coming up and I polled my two sons, 15 and 18 and asked where they wanted to have Thanksgiving. The agreed on home and my AW asked if her Mon, Stepdad, step sister and her kids could come as well. I said yes but now don't know if that was a good idea. While we are sleeping in different rooms we are trying to make things civil until we finalize the mediation. I just don't trust her motives. But I LOVE Thanksgiving and it is her house too......etc.

What do you all think?

Thanks!

prodigal

I don't know if her family members enjoy drinking a lot or not. I don't know if your AW will get drunk or not. Based on my own personal experience, EVERY holiday for the past four years has been a nightmare. You can remain civil and cordial to your guests. What your AW chooses to do is completely out of your control.

ToughChoices

Hi, DII!

My husband and I are also separated, but we will be spending the holiday together. We get along well, have family in the same distant city, and neither of our families drink - at all.

I would certainly be hesitant about sharing in the festivities with him if there was any history of embarrassing, drunken behavior or mysterious "disappearances" during the holiday.

I don't want crazy at my Turkey Day.

I feel pretty confident that all will go well for us, and I trust my decision. If something does go awry, I will make a different choice next year.

If you can accept that she may not behave as you desire, and you're okay with taking the steps that you need to make the situation tolerable for yourself and your kids - I think you're in a good place.

Good luck!
-TC

brundle

I personally hate the holidays. Just the stress alone makes me feel crazy. Not only do I deal with an AH who even when not drinking is unpleasant to be around, we have drinkers on both sides of the family. I hate his side of the family, I know if we go there it's all about sloppy drunks and maybe pot. My side tends to get really verbal, drunk or not.

Last year I finally put my passive foot down and refused to go to his family's place not wanting my teen around the pot stuff. AH made my holiday hell. We haven't even talked yet about this year. OH well I guess it's coming whether I'm ready or not...

Good luck to all!

MsPINKAcres

You know - there is always choices and the ability to change plans - even if it is the last minute.

If you want to try Thanksgiving at your home - you can.

Then if things appear to be not going well - you can ask people to leave or you and boys can leave (maybe go watch a movie, grab a bite to eat somewhere else)

Dealing with an A - life can be unpredictable - but we can have options and choices. Make a decision know you can change your mind at any point in time - You can have several Plan B's ready to go if you need to do something different.

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving regardless of AW's actions,

Rita