veryrestless722

man as soon as i think im doing good my xah comes back, he called today , and i didnt answer like i have been doing, but he left a voicemail, and lo and behold he was sober, first time ive heard that in 7 months, but hes supposedly going to rehab, which is about 10 minutes if even that away from where i live, the more i try to get him far away from me the closer he gets, supposedly its a rehab you live in, they help you get a job and feed you until your on your feet or something like that, he just asked me to support him, so i call him back, i ask him exactly whats going on and about the rehab, he actually holds a normal converstation for once, says hes sorry for everything, he knows he has to do this hisself but just wants me to be there for him, he asked about the baby finally and actually listened when i told him about him, he wants me to bring the baby over tonight, i told him he was not allowed around the baby if hes drinking, he promised not to be drinking tonight, i held to my boundaries i told him i was not helping him, he has to do this rehab by hisself, i can give you moral support but im not doing it for you or anything to help you, i said i hope you actually do this but i cant let you around the baby with you drinking and he was talking about how he didnt want the baby to turn out like him and he knows if the baby sees him like he is growing up then he will end up the same, he actually talked with some sense but i have to wonder how much of this is quacking

i called and talked to my dad about it since he grew up with an alcoholic father that is bascially just like my xah, my mom just goes off on me about my xah so my dad is easier to talk to about this kinda stuff , he says its just a cycle and it depends on whether he actually wants to do this or feels he has no where else to go

why when i finally get my life going and finally move on does he pop back up, i mean im really proud i can have the strength to stick to my boundaries but now im not so sure i want to be married anymore, its different if hes sober but hes still alot of work to be married to, i dont want to hurt him but i really dont know that i want to stay married and i dont know how to explain that to him, if hes sober i really dont have a reason to keep him away from the baby and i wouldnt be that cruel no way , my baby deserves to know his father if hes sober but then i wonder if he is sober how long will it last, most alcoholics fall off the band wagon anyway, i take marriage vows very seriously but i feel like ive given the marriage all i can and now i want to be free of it
i feel guilty cause hes thinking if he gets sober and picks his life back up then he will have his family and i truly do want a family but i just want to accomplish so many other things that i dont know that i can if im with him, i feel suffocated by his problems and i feel like ive been drowning in alcohol my whole life, first my grandfather then my husband, i was finally getting to where i could breathe again and now this, my dad says to just take it one day at a time
i just dont know if i have the energy to let him back into my life again, i was getting used to it being just me and my son, i was making so many plans and i really wanted to see if i could do everything on my own, i love him and hes the only man i have ever loved but its so suffocating dealing with someone with so many problems , i really wish he would have just left me alone and let me get on with my life, im not a selfish person by any means but right now i only want to focus on my son and myself but ive never had the ability to turn my back on someone i loved no matter what and if hes trying i dont really have an excuse to tell him why i wont be there for him

i sound really bad by saying this but i kinda wish he wouldnt try to get sober right now so i wouldnt have to deal with it right now, i know that sounds so bad i should want the best for him and i do but...

justsomegirl

It sounds like you know you have to do whats right for you now. I totally understand what you mean by feeling suffocated by all there problems. Our life, needs and happiness seem to get put aside because all the focus is on them and their problems and we get sucked right into it every time. I am still all new to this so I don't have any wise words but it sounds like you are finding your strenght.

denny57

Just because he's trying to get sober doesn't mean you have to deal with it at all; it's his to deal with.

Good luck!

Barbara52

No matter what he does or doesn't do for himself, you don't have to deal with it if you don't want to. You have your hands full with that new little one and getting your life on track as you want it. Let him deal with his life as he sees fit and continue on doing as is best for you and your little one. Your involvement in his progress or lack of progess isn't necessary.