Blackrose56

I've learned the hard way, we never graduate. That we can get sucked back into the addict's "drama" in a heartbeat. I had come so far in 2-1/2 years. I had my own life and things are good. A great job, a nice apartment, a SAVINGS account and a new car. All things I did not have when living with my addict. Things I had "allowed" to go down the drain while my whole life was caught up in him. I truly thought I could "deal" with him and was hoping that the death of his daughter from a crack overdose at 19, would have been a "wake-up" call. His girls lost there mother in 2005 at the age of 38 of a drug overdose and it did nothing to stop him. So, being the kind, loving person that I am and hoping that this had changed his life, I reached out to him out of concern and love. Telling him if he needed to talk, I was there. (And I truly was grieving over the lose of this wonderful, young lady. But I also was angry that he was too busy drinking and drugging to know what was going on with her. Before I left, his theory had been "let them experiment". Well, obviously that didn't work. What is amazing to me is that in 5 short months, I have allowed myself to be drawn back into his life. And allow myself the "hope" that he would get clean and sober and we could have the life we had for ALL the years he WAS clean and sober. I did NOT take into account how BAD he has gotten in the time I have been gone. And how much he has changed into an angry, uncaring, jerk who ONLY cares about a roof over his head and some woman to take responsibility for food, rent and bills. And that I believe him 3 weeks ago when he said he was READY to change. How easy we can slip back if we are not careful.

BayAreaPhoenix

I think you are right Blackrose. We must be ever vigilant in our quest to break free and stay there. It is our nature to do what we did, and I think it takes years before it becomes second nature. There are some things I do that I see are starting to be automatic, healthier responses to the world around me, but if I got caught up with my AH or someone like him down the road, I question how suseptible I will be. They are cunning and know how to push our buttons.

Thanks for the reminder! Wishing you peace in your life once again!