emotional deposits
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 149
emotional deposits
maybe youve heard this before, but i find it really helpful to remember
that we have a hypothetical "emotional" piggy bank. often living with (or in my case, without) an alcoholic/addict loved one can cause some emotional withdraws (not to be confused with "withdrawls", haha...and whether this be you or them, withdrawing who knows!)
atleast for me this is the case so i am trying to make some deposits. Here is my list from yesterday of some deposits:
sampling truffles at whole foods (this was great, really. fantastic..)
cooking myself dinner
eating lunch outside (i guess many deposits involve food huh)
running
bought myself weights
Cleaned my house
Emailed some friends
Listened and sang along to good music
Put some nice smelling linnen spray on all my linnens
feel free to share your ideas. or thoughts.
that we have a hypothetical "emotional" piggy bank. often living with (or in my case, without) an alcoholic/addict loved one can cause some emotional withdraws (not to be confused with "withdrawls", haha...and whether this be you or them, withdrawing who knows!)
atleast for me this is the case so i am trying to make some deposits. Here is my list from yesterday of some deposits:
sampling truffles at whole foods (this was great, really. fantastic..)
cooking myself dinner
eating lunch outside (i guess many deposits involve food huh)
running
bought myself weights
Cleaned my house
Emailed some friends
Listened and sang along to good music
Put some nice smelling linnen spray on all my linnens
feel free to share your ideas. or thoughts.
Last edited by genrs123; 11-18-2008 at 07:39 AM. Reason: wanted to add something
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: London UK
Posts: 242
I need support to help ensure I take care of myself physically and emotionally, to compensate for the emotional neglect during my childhood.
What works for me are
- using scented lotion, bubble bath, shower gel etc. Floracologie do an amazing range that have Bach Flower Remedies in.
- Curling up under my duvet with a good book.
What works for me are
- using scented lotion, bubble bath, shower gel etc. Floracologie do an amazing range that have Bach Flower Remedies in.
- Curling up under my duvet with a good book.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I read something great once about the "emotional bank account" that exists for every relationship.
It starts out great, where you have both invested a lot in it and it's nice and full.
Then someone might start to withdraw a little (or a lot) more than their share, through addiction, abuse, disloyalty, and pretty soon the account's overdrawn. What that looks like is the OTHER partner feels shortchanged, like he/she is doing all the contributing and the withdrawing partner is doing all the taking. I know for me, I knew that was the case when I started begrudging him things like the benefit of the doubt in a situation. I didn't trust him any more, he had "taken" from me, and I was angry on a deep level.
Sometimes you can bring it back into balance again if the withdrawing partner makes amends and spends some time & tenderness building the bank account back up again. And it's definitely a seesaw; both partners can give and take at different times in the relationship. The way these authors put it, the important part is recognizing the imbalance and working together to bring it back right.
I've kept that in my head for many years now and it's served me well.
A different take on a similar topic!
It starts out great, where you have both invested a lot in it and it's nice and full.
Then someone might start to withdraw a little (or a lot) more than their share, through addiction, abuse, disloyalty, and pretty soon the account's overdrawn. What that looks like is the OTHER partner feels shortchanged, like he/she is doing all the contributing and the withdrawing partner is doing all the taking. I know for me, I knew that was the case when I started begrudging him things like the benefit of the doubt in a situation. I didn't trust him any more, he had "taken" from me, and I was angry on a deep level.
Sometimes you can bring it back into balance again if the withdrawing partner makes amends and spends some time & tenderness building the bank account back up again. And it's definitely a seesaw; both partners can give and take at different times in the relationship. The way these authors put it, the important part is recognizing the imbalance and working together to bring it back right.
I've kept that in my head for many years now and it's served me well.
A different take on a similar topic!
Trying to find a path
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 91
Then someone might start to withdraw a little (or a lot) more than their share, through addiction, abuse, disloyalty, and pretty soon the account's overdrawn. What that looks like is the OTHER partner feels shortchanged, like he/she is doing all the contributing and the withdrawing partner is doing all the taking. I know for me, I knew that was the case when I started begrudging him things like the benefit of the doubt in a situation. I didn't trust him any more, he had "taken" from me, and I was angry on a deep level.
Sometimes you can bring it back into balance again if the withdrawing partner makes amends and spends some time & tenderness building the bank account back up again. And it's definitely a seesaw; both partners can give and take at different times in the relationship. The way these authors put it, the important part is recognizing the imbalance and working together to bring it back right.
Sometimes you can bring it back into balance again if the withdrawing partner makes amends and spends some time & tenderness building the bank account back up again. And it's definitely a seesaw; both partners can give and take at different times in the relationship. The way these authors put it, the important part is recognizing the imbalance and working together to bring it back right.
LOL
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I like that analogy also, GL.
Let's see, what am I doing for my emotional well being:
-Working out, while listening to MY music
-Buying myself some comfy fuzzy socks, you ladies know what I'm talking about
-taking a bubble bath with my aromatherapy candles...one is happiness, the other is serenity, and they smell GOOD
-playing charades with my son, we picked all Christmas movies charades
-reading recovery stuff
-watched "You Got Mail" this weekend, in my comfy pj's and new fuzzy socks
Let's see, what am I doing for my emotional well being:
-Working out, while listening to MY music
-Buying myself some comfy fuzzy socks, you ladies know what I'm talking about
-taking a bubble bath with my aromatherapy candles...one is happiness, the other is serenity, and they smell GOOD
-playing charades with my son, we picked all Christmas movies charades
-reading recovery stuff
-watched "You Got Mail" this weekend, in my comfy pj's and new fuzzy socks
Maybe some of our spouses and exes are expecting some kind of government bailout or something......
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