Timetowakeup

Yes, I gave into the alcohol tonight, about an hour ago. I am sorry everyone and I don't deserve to be on here with all of you people struggling to recover. I guess I will go back to my old ways and hope that if I try to quit again in the future, you all will still welcome me.

You have been great, and I sorry that I could not beat the demon.

Just please forgive me and know that I have a weakness that is stronger than my own willpower.

Rowan

Why don't you pour out the rest of it? I had several false starts of my own - you can do this!

tommyk

You deserve to be here, no credentials or clean time necessary.

Live & learn.

Timetowakeup

U guys are great, I can pour it out. But don't want to.

Timetowakeup

OK, so if I pour it out, then I will have probs with hubby. He enables me and thinks I don't have a problem. I have been with him since 1987 and our one and only child has moved out and is almost 21. This is my life and I don't know any other way.

lostbutterfly

Hun, if we got kicked off SR everytime we relapsed, there wouldn't be a lot of us left, I can assure you. Stay! (there is a huggy emoticon here)

Timetowakeup

How do u all do it, stay clean??????

Timetowakeup

I think I need to pack my special belongings on payday and just head outta here. By myself! Just me and my truck and belongings with money and start a new life. Find a city where no one would know me or my drinking problem and start a new life.

Timetowakeup

Yepp, I think I will leave Wednesday and tell everyone I am just going to lunch. My son is grown and has moved on, my dogs love daddy more than me. I don't need anyone, just my own self. Start a new life by myself. No one will know my past, only what I choose to tell them. Hubby might be worried, but he will get over it soon.

Ofcourse I will take my laptop! I just need to get away from this life that I live.

Rowan

It may not be helpful to post while you are under the influence. I'm sorry you are struggling, but drinking surely will not help the situation - not long term, anyway.

adore79

Hi. Well you could leave but that probably wouldnt solve your alcoholism. You can get sober without running away.

Anna

I hope you find peace.

Timetowakeup

Hmm, under the influence. I have only had 2 beers. But I guess that is "under the influence".

I can't live my current life without it, so I must make some major changes and I think leaving my cituation would help. I can be anyone I want to be! I can tell what I want and be whom I want to be. I think staying in this cituation, I will always be the drunk, and leaving will allow me to be someone new.

Timetowakeup

I will!!!!

lostbutterfly

This is known in the AA big book as doing a geographical - thinking that moving somewhere new will solve everything. But we take ourselves with.

I've relapsed so many times I've lost count. But I keep getting up and trying again, and each time I try and do something a bit different. Like this time I am putting loads more effort into reading AA literature and stuff, like 3/4 times a day and it's helping. But it's hard, really hard sometimes.

Hang in there!

tennis71

Stand up, dust yourself off and try again. Keep trying until you succeed. I, like many others here, have a stack of 1 day coins. The important thing is that we keep trying.

Also you should note that anti depressants will not do what they are supposed to if you continue to drink while using them. I know, I mixed the two for years. Talk to your Dr. about your use.

lastly, I suggest calling the AA hotline in your area, if you need a link go to the alcoholics anonymous web site. Get to a meeting if you can (DON"T DRIVE) and be around people who understand that you have a problem. It's your sobriety, don't let anyone including your husband tell you that you do not need it.

I hope that tomorrow is your new day 1 and I wish you a long successful recovery.

tommyk

A problem drinker gets into their vehicle in city A, drives to city B, what gets out of the vehicle?

(Did something happen along the way to solve a problem? No.)

Taking5

Wherever you go there will still be alcohol and you will find it. Trust me I have tried the geographical cure more than once, and it doesn't work.

Have you tried AA or any kind of program?

Aysha

I definatley would have been gone from here a long time ago and many times over if staying clean was the requirment.
Not all of us are clean. And not all of us have alot of clean time.
But what most of us do have is the will to keep trying no matter what.
And none of us can run from ourselves.
Take it easy..Dont be too hard on yourself.
Dont give up so easy.
It is possible. And you are worth it. And I am sure your son and husband and anyone else that cares about you would be worried sick about you.
Sleep on it.
HUGS

Timetowakeup

All of your were correct 100% I was under the influence, I can't run away from my problem and I will get better. I am strong and going on a handful of sober days once again.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!