Fear of Death?
Looking for the silver lining
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
Fear of Death?
Hi All,
I have been having some weird experiences lately in my recovery. I just wanted to throw them out there and see if anyone relates. I am suddenly overwhelmed by fears of death...not for me, but for my family. I am now quite aware of family mortality and it becomes an obsessive thought in my mind. I have these intricate fantansies of my father and I can picture getting the call...Horrible! I try not to entertain them, but they keep coming into my mind.
I also have nightmares and a serious teeth grinding issue, and now require a bite guard. I have dreamt about my teeth falling out and about people trying to murder me.
I have become obsessive about my age suddenly...okay...yeah...I know...I am only 31, but suddenly feel like I can see lines on my face. Everyone I know including people who can be brutally honest with me, tell me that I am crazy.
Not to mention (adult content), I seriously miss sex...not with Don because the sex life was nonexistent. I miss a warm body and the excitement. I think about it all the time...
Finally, I am really confused about the higher power...sometimes I feel connected, but lately, I have not been. I have been acting in mind very much in the realm of the physical...My thoughts are not connected to my conscience if this makes any sense. It is like I am lthinking (and perhaps acting) as if there are no consequences...as if nothing exists...I know that it (the HP) does, but I don't seem to care lately.
I feel like I am working my program more and getting to be in a better place, but has anyone felt this way? I feel like half of me is really coming along and the other half of me is self destructing.
Thanks!
I have been having some weird experiences lately in my recovery. I just wanted to throw them out there and see if anyone relates. I am suddenly overwhelmed by fears of death...not for me, but for my family. I am now quite aware of family mortality and it becomes an obsessive thought in my mind. I have these intricate fantansies of my father and I can picture getting the call...Horrible! I try not to entertain them, but they keep coming into my mind.
I also have nightmares and a serious teeth grinding issue, and now require a bite guard. I have dreamt about my teeth falling out and about people trying to murder me.
I have become obsessive about my age suddenly...okay...yeah...I know...I am only 31, but suddenly feel like I can see lines on my face. Everyone I know including people who can be brutally honest with me, tell me that I am crazy.
Not to mention (adult content), I seriously miss sex...not with Don because the sex life was nonexistent. I miss a warm body and the excitement. I think about it all the time...
Finally, I am really confused about the higher power...sometimes I feel connected, but lately, I have not been. I have been acting in mind very much in the realm of the physical...My thoughts are not connected to my conscience if this makes any sense. It is like I am lthinking (and perhaps acting) as if there are no consequences...as if nothing exists...I know that it (the HP) does, but I don't seem to care lately.
I feel like I am working my program more and getting to be in a better place, but has anyone felt this way? I feel like half of me is really coming along and the other half of me is self destructing.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Silverberry - Wow I just googled on the meaning of dreams of teeth falling out. There are several that are suggested including: 1) it reflects anxiety about your appearance, 2) reflects a sense of powerlessness, and 3) A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God.
All three of those seem to be things you are dealing with right now!
I have a lot of the same feelings. There was a time when I was so sure and confident and my faith in my HP was strong. I am also feeling less connected; and somewhat like I am floundering. I have not given up and I know that I must be patient and keep trusting. Since God is my higher power I can find many assurances in the Bible that these feelings are often part of God's plan.
Hang in there Silverberry, you are doing great.
All three of those seem to be things you are dealing with right now!
I have a lot of the same feelings. There was a time when I was so sure and confident and my faith in my HP was strong. I am also feeling less connected; and somewhat like I am floundering. I have not given up and I know that I must be patient and keep trusting. Since God is my higher power I can find many assurances in the Bible that these feelings are often part of God's plan.
Hang in there Silverberry, you are doing great.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I was amazed when I started feeling my feelings again. I had no idea how far down I had stuffed them, and when they all started coming to the surface at once I thought I was going crazy. They were all so big and hairy and scary and sometimes I couldn't THINK because I had so many feelings ! I had them all the time ... and even my dreams became more vivid and busy so I often woke up tired as though I had run a marathon in my sleep.
My Al Anon Angel Sponsor reminded me that feelings are just feelings and not facts. It was as though much of my mind and most of my feelings had been in a coma so that I could simply survive in my chaotic world. Now that I was ready, the flood gates opened and I was able to fully live again. I reexamined relationships, I challenged my own long held beliefs, I learned so much about myself in those months.
It's exhausting, I know, but for me it was exhiliarating as well. The new and improved me came out, and I like her.
Hugs. Take it one day at a time and know that life is beautiful on the other side.
My Al Anon Angel Sponsor reminded me that feelings are just feelings and not facts. It was as though much of my mind and most of my feelings had been in a coma so that I could simply survive in my chaotic world. Now that I was ready, the flood gates opened and I was able to fully live again. I reexamined relationships, I challenged my own long held beliefs, I learned so much about myself in those months.
It's exhausting, I know, but for me it was exhiliarating as well. The new and improved me came out, and I like her.
Hugs. Take it one day at a time and know that life is beautiful on the other side.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
My theory: transferrence of obsession/addiction. When I stopped obsessing about my exab, I returned to my old overeating habits big time--much in the same way that food addicts who've undergone gastric bypass surgery tend to become alcoholics.
Obsessive/addictive behaviors like alcoholism, addiction to drugs, gambling, overeating/undereating, hoarding (including animal hoarding), shop-aholics, etc., are progressive disorders and must be kept in check. Hence, my four-year tenure on this forum.
A book that I've found helpful: Stop Obsessing (the author's name escapes me at the moment).
Obsessive/addictive behaviors like alcoholism, addiction to drugs, gambling, overeating/undereating, hoarding (including animal hoarding), shop-aholics, etc., are progressive disorders and must be kept in check. Hence, my four-year tenure on this forum.
A book that I've found helpful: Stop Obsessing (the author's name escapes me at the moment).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Some of that stuff applies to me as well- like the teeth grinding! For years I've had that issue- and thought it was stress related to dealing with alcoholism. Now- if I could just get some sleep!
Sex- well, I have to admit I think about it- but not a lot. I think about what it could be like to be with another man, and I sometimes cringe, and sometimes think, "someday- when I am good/healthy and ready." And I don't mean good in the good vs. bad sense. I mean when I am healed.
The other stuff- not so much. But- I do think all the transitioning and difficulties in our lives just has a way of getting to us sometimes. Right now for me, life isn't settled down to a pace I can easily live with. There are many unknowns I am trying to let go of, because it isn't time to know. If you are anything like me, you are just processing a lot. From what you post, though, I can say I think you're doing great! Just being aware is always a good start to healing and dealing- in my book.
Sex- well, I have to admit I think about it- but not a lot. I think about what it could be like to be with another man, and I sometimes cringe, and sometimes think, "someday- when I am good/healthy and ready." And I don't mean good in the good vs. bad sense. I mean when I am healed.
The other stuff- not so much. But- I do think all the transitioning and difficulties in our lives just has a way of getting to us sometimes. Right now for me, life isn't settled down to a pace I can easily live with. There are many unknowns I am trying to let go of, because it isn't time to know. If you are anything like me, you are just processing a lot. From what you post, though, I can say I think you're doing great! Just being aware is always a good start to healing and dealing- in my book.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Oh yes!!! I know these dreams very well. Death is the only thing I honestly get panick attacks about. Sometimes I fear going to sleep because of my dreams.
I take xanax late evening and then restoril to stay asleep. I rarely have "those" dreams anymore but they do seem to come through when I have things on my mind.
I found if I do healthy things that I have good dreams. Start eating healthy or take up walking or jogging. Use skin products like moisturizer, gentle cleansers. Pamper yourself. If YOU feel good about yourself then it will seep into your dreams as well.
Sex has a lot to do with it. Sex relieves tension. FACT! Do what you have to (rent movies, make yourself happy) you get my point.
Dress up nice and walk by a construction site
hehehe Sometimes we need appreciation from others. Nothing wrong with fishing for a compliment.
When I dream about others health I find that letting them know I had the dream stops "those" dreams. I had those death dreams about ah because I knew he was dying.
Here are a few pointers.
Take a hot bath before bed, eat a healthy snack before bed, try to have a regular bed time and time to get up. Don't go to bed if you are not tired. Read before bed or take a nice walk. Do NOT watch tv for at least a half hour before bed. Warm milk can help calm your nerves. Have a dim night light on in your room. Put something that smells nice next to your bed (lavender, floral scent)
Death is something that is inevitable. We could get hit by a car pulling out of our drive way. We may go at old age......or hopefully I'll get alzheimers and not know what's going on. MAKE your mind think of something else.
You can pm me anytime with questions. I've tried a ton of things. Destress.
I take xanax late evening and then restoril to stay asleep. I rarely have "those" dreams anymore but they do seem to come through when I have things on my mind.
I found if I do healthy things that I have good dreams. Start eating healthy or take up walking or jogging. Use skin products like moisturizer, gentle cleansers. Pamper yourself. If YOU feel good about yourself then it will seep into your dreams as well.
Sex has a lot to do with it. Sex relieves tension. FACT! Do what you have to (rent movies, make yourself happy) you get my point.
Dress up nice and walk by a construction site
hehehe Sometimes we need appreciation from others. Nothing wrong with fishing for a compliment.When I dream about others health I find that letting them know I had the dream stops "those" dreams. I had those death dreams about ah because I knew he was dying.
Here are a few pointers.
Take a hot bath before bed, eat a healthy snack before bed, try to have a regular bed time and time to get up. Don't go to bed if you are not tired. Read before bed or take a nice walk. Do NOT watch tv for at least a half hour before bed. Warm milk can help calm your nerves. Have a dim night light on in your room. Put something that smells nice next to your bed (lavender, floral scent)
Death is something that is inevitable. We could get hit by a car pulling out of our drive way. We may go at old age......or hopefully I'll get alzheimers and not know what's going on. MAKE your mind think of something else.
You can pm me anytime with questions. I've tried a ton of things. Destress.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Maybe the obsession with death is a sign of fully coming to life. When I'm in touch with how precious the gift of life is, I'm fully aware how quickly it can be taken away.
I still self sabotage, but not as often. With me, it's the issue of not having earned happiness. I also think it's a sign of life to desire physical touch and sex.
Keep moving forward SB. I take a lot of comfort in knowing my HP is there whether I'm feeling it or not.
I still self sabotage, but not as often. With me, it's the issue of not having earned happiness. I also think it's a sign of life to desire physical touch and sex.
Keep moving forward SB. I take a lot of comfort in knowing my HP is there whether I'm feeling it or not.
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