whereami

I finally did it had my family help me move out and into my moms, though squished as can be we are now safe and my baby can be safe for sure. I enrolled her in daycare and got a full time job teaching and am scared now because ab is still harassing me to come back and all will be forgiven. He actually thinks I am to blame for leaving like I did and that I need to come running back or he will be mad. He is about to run out of money and his xanax and pain pills and I am sure that he is pissed and just wants us to move back to say that its all ok. The sad part is I am very emotional and weak when I talk to him and know that I am not strong enough right now to deal with him logically. He texted me like 30 different messages about how he cant find his prescription card and he needs to go the dr for anxiety before his head explodes. I still love him but know he isnt healthy for us its just so hard to not want to hug him and make everything better but I know thats not how it works...I am doing the right thing right? Did I mention I called his mom and even she thinks I should stand my ground. Pray for my strength I need it!!

TTOSBT

Stay strong! You are doing great! :ghug3

BBD

Hi whereami~~You've made the right choice for yourself and your baby so now be strong and safe. I know you probably do feel weak at this point but as each day goes by~ you will get stronger. Try and find some alanon meetings in your area. They did wonders for me.. Good luck and hugs to that lil one, Bonnie

whereami

He is giving me lines like, I love you and I miss my family but the thing is he doesn't have a job he couldn't keep one straight for a year he was unreliable and didn't help me at all through any of the crap I have been through, ruined my credit and now wants to live off of me. He is hooked on pills and though I love him I cannot stand the person he has become, why is he still harrasing me?

hello-kitty

That's just what addicts do.

Keep the focus on you, and putting your life back together for your little girls sake. Things won't change for him until he gets help and stops trying to manipulate you into getting back with him. Just keep doing what you are doing. Your little girl is going to be so proud of her mama some day!

PS. How do you know when an addict is lying? His lips are moving.

Keep posting here and stay strong!

Hangin' In

Because in the past he was able to manipulate you where you would enable him and he could stay in his addiction ... plain and simple.

I don't doubt that he loves you, but right now you are hearing his addiction talking.

I know your head is spinning and you are questioning everything. If you can, please try to find a meeting and attend. Face to face meetings, along with this board, will give you a lot of support to stay strong in your decision. And you can learn what you need to do to improve your life. Remember, part of recovery is learning to do what is healthy for YOU.

He has to want to recover and it doesn't look as though he is moving in that direction right now. But YOU CAN get better, but the only way you can do that is by putting the focus on you and your baby right now. Leaving him to figure out his own recovery is a good decision for both of you.

Keep reading on here. We all understand and many have been in your shoes and are living a life of peace today.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

laurie6781

Because without you there he just might have to look at himself and find someone else to foot the bill.

BLOCK him from your phone. Don't read the text messages, emails and DON'T answer the phone.

Everything coming out of his mouth right now is MANIPULATION. You took his nice 'cushy' life away and he's going to have to figure out how to get his DOC without you, oh dear.

You did what was correct for you and the baby.

Hang in there, post here as often as you need to and find yourself some Alanon and/or Naranon meetings, whichever ones are at the most convenient times for you with a job and a baby.

All he is doing is QUACKING.

He'll find a way to get his DOC, even if he has to go sell plasma twice a week.

We are here for you, so vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh whenever you want to.

Love and hugs,

Ann

What she said.....and she said it so well.

The better you take care of you, the more balanced you become and the less his messages shake you. You don't have to do the codependent dance anymore, you can choose to sit this one out.

Hugs

whereami

I am so sad because he keeps texting me saying if I dont come back home by tommorow he will leave and go back to his moms which is good but i will miss him...if I can't trust my baby alone with him better off right....sigh...this sucks

imallright

Stay strong. A little bit of time out of the insanity will help. Good for you.

mooselips

It's a huge step to move out, and start living YOUR life. I am so proud of you.
Right now you have to be strong, and let him fall, and keep working on YOUR recovery.

Work on you, let his H.P. work on him.


Like Hangin' said, get thee to some meetings.


Hugs....

hello-kitty

Yes it is sad Ami. But it would have been even sadder had you stayed, and it will be sadder yet if you let him manipulate you into moving back because of threats and lies. It sucks for his mom too. I'm sure she doesn't want to support her grown up son. But it's fair. After all, you are the one supporting her grandson. You can't take care of any more babies - especially fully grown ones. ;-)

Keep posting. How's the baby doing? My child is my joy. I'm glad my bf is now my ex so that I can enjoy him without his drug addict father getting in the way. Even though it sad. It's definitely better!

whereami

She is doing great she is babbling now and it is so nice to spend time with her and not worry about what he is "up to"...he is still giving me a 24 hour ultimatum to come back to a house that is trashed because he got angry, rent will be due in a week and he has no job for 2 weeks now, he isn't speaking to his parents who are the ones who paid for so much and somehow he will "forgive" me for moving?!

whereami

I am so pissed off ...he is supposed to go home and instead he is sucking up the last days of rent wallowing in depression and anxiety and blaming me. I can't stand this, he plays with my emotions saying how he wants us together in his parents town by xmas to have fun and play but he has no job lined up and nowhere for us to go, why would I give up a full time job and her security for a chance that he might relapse...he thinks he can kick a 20 year habit overnight on his own, my question- why do I care, why do I need love so bad, why do I need a man? This is so pitiful on my part and I am pissed because I need to be independent and yet I cannot relax or enjoy myself because all I think is that there is some slim chance that he wants to be better...this sucks...oh and most importantly...will I ever find someone who will love me and my little one?

outtolunch

Oh my yes. Block that number, now. This is the part that you control.

outtolunch

[QUOTE=whereami;

...... why is he still harrasing me?[/QUOTE]


Becasue you let him.