Confused and Hurt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 2
Confused and Hurt
Hello All,
I am new to this, but I need a place to talk about how I feel.
I was in a relationship for 6 yrs and I found out that he was using heroin. I was 5 months pregnant when I found out also. I immediately went to the yellow pages to get some help. He started attend treatment I thought. I later found out that he was using again.
I went through this at least 10X. Why did I stay that long? I loved this guy with all my heart. Everything was perfect. I never would have imagined that this drug was so powerful.
Well to the present- I kicked him out 3 weeks ago. I received a call from my family saying that they seen my car in places it should not be and that a female was also in there. Yeah I know. WTF
Well I rode up there. And sure enough. I saw it with my own eyes. I cant even explain the pain I felt. The embarrassment that my family knows. He is the father of my kids.
Just last week he told me that he went to get treatment. That his next appointment was Friday. The clinic will probably put him on suboxone pills for long term treatment.
I am thinking- Okay- maybe he is getting it together. Maybe he had enough of sleeping in vacants and having no food (what he told me). Well I asked him to watch the kids Wed. 9 am turned into 10 into 11 into 12 and so on. No show.
I called numerous times. He was telling me that he was looking for someone to buy the pills from. I am like no you not. You lien. I just went off. He said that I am mad because I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. I told him. Yes I am mad. You had that freedom and look what happened. He kept saying that I am mad about the female and that it wasn't like that. That she just showed him where to get the stuff from- yet the same day he was looking for the subxone pill, she left a message saying where you at- and that she not going to be waiting all day.
So that was my answer. After cussing him out. I suspended his phone and I have not talked to him since last Thursday.
How do I feel. I am hurt, depressed, mentally disturbed and confused. I know it is not my fault. But I feel like crap because- why would he relapse so many times. I thought our relationship was great. I was happy and I thought he was too.
I am mad because he still has his job- and all the bills have piled up and I can't do it alone. I was dependent on his additional income. If I had know, I would not have quit my part time, but I thought everything was on the up and up. He was even doing well in school to be HVAC Certified.
I know that I was in denial because I believe it stated a long time ago. Well longer than what he told me.
I hate him. I know that I have to be strong and take care of home. I been doing that. But I would have never expected to be hit with this again, on top of infidelity.
Thank you all for listening. I am unable to attend Narnon meetings due to football practice ad after school programs. I can't even think of a decent time to work part time without burning my self out.
I pray for the pain to be lifted. I pray that the bills hold off a little while longer. I pray that my kids are always watched an protected. And I pray for happiness.
I just want my mind off of the pain he is putting me through. I do not think it is fair. I have to put on a act everywhere I go but inside I am deteriorating.
I am new to this, but I need a place to talk about how I feel.
I was in a relationship for 6 yrs and I found out that he was using heroin. I was 5 months pregnant when I found out also. I immediately went to the yellow pages to get some help. He started attend treatment I thought. I later found out that he was using again.
I went through this at least 10X. Why did I stay that long? I loved this guy with all my heart. Everything was perfect. I never would have imagined that this drug was so powerful.
Well to the present- I kicked him out 3 weeks ago. I received a call from my family saying that they seen my car in places it should not be and that a female was also in there. Yeah I know. WTF
Well I rode up there. And sure enough. I saw it with my own eyes. I cant even explain the pain I felt. The embarrassment that my family knows. He is the father of my kids.
Just last week he told me that he went to get treatment. That his next appointment was Friday. The clinic will probably put him on suboxone pills for long term treatment.
I am thinking- Okay- maybe he is getting it together. Maybe he had enough of sleeping in vacants and having no food (what he told me). Well I asked him to watch the kids Wed. 9 am turned into 10 into 11 into 12 and so on. No show.
I called numerous times. He was telling me that he was looking for someone to buy the pills from. I am like no you not. You lien. I just went off. He said that I am mad because I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. I told him. Yes I am mad. You had that freedom and look what happened. He kept saying that I am mad about the female and that it wasn't like that. That she just showed him where to get the stuff from- yet the same day he was looking for the subxone pill, she left a message saying where you at- and that she not going to be waiting all day.
So that was my answer. After cussing him out. I suspended his phone and I have not talked to him since last Thursday.
How do I feel. I am hurt, depressed, mentally disturbed and confused. I know it is not my fault. But I feel like crap because- why would he relapse so many times. I thought our relationship was great. I was happy and I thought he was too.
I am mad because he still has his job- and all the bills have piled up and I can't do it alone. I was dependent on his additional income. If I had know, I would not have quit my part time, but I thought everything was on the up and up. He was even doing well in school to be HVAC Certified.
I know that I was in denial because I believe it stated a long time ago. Well longer than what he told me.
I hate him. I know that I have to be strong and take care of home. I been doing that. But I would have never expected to be hit with this again, on top of infidelity.
Thank you all for listening. I am unable to attend Narnon meetings due to football practice ad after school programs. I can't even think of a decent time to work part time without burning my self out.
I pray for the pain to be lifted. I pray that the bills hold off a little while longer. I pray that my kids are always watched an protected. And I pray for happiness.
I just want my mind off of the pain he is putting me through. I do not think it is fair. I have to put on a act everywhere I go but inside I am deteriorating.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
I can only imagine how horrible you are feeling right now. To have all the hurt piled on top of all your responsibilities. You are right that it's not your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. He has to want to do it for himself. I beg you to make sure you and your kids are safe. You can't be responsible for him and yourself and kids. Take care of you and the kids first.
Do you have any women's shelters where you live? If so, or if there's anything like that close by, please call them and explain that you could use some help and what your situation is. You need all the help you can get right now, so avail yourself of anything out there.
There is a Family and Friends forum here for people in just your situation. Please read thru it or post your own question or topic. Lots of good advice from people who understand.
I will keep you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers.
:ghug3
Do you have any women's shelters where you live? If so, or if there's anything like that close by, please call them and explain that you could use some help and what your situation is. You need all the help you can get right now, so avail yourself of anything out there.
There is a Family and Friends forum here for people in just your situation. Please read thru it or post your own question or topic. Lots of good advice from people who understand.
I will keep you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers.
:ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community!
Click on the line below to find many
other supportive members
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
Glad to see you here...
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR-Sorry that you are going through this
I will send good thoughts to you and the kids-
There is a lot of support here so please keep posting and check out the link above...
there is also stickies posted at the top of the forums which are filled with a wealth
of information!
Keep posting we are here for you
I will send good thoughts to you and the kids-
There is a lot of support here so please keep posting and check out the link above...
there is also stickies posted at the top of the forums which are filled with a wealth
of information!
Keep posting we are here for you
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, nile. i'm the mom of an alcoholic/addict. i also had a relationship with one - my daughter's father, that lasted for about 10 years. i think i understand your fear and confusion.
i'd suggest you try some face to face alanon meetings. and keep reading and posting.
you can recover and heal, even if he chooses not to. you have choices.
hugs, k
i'd suggest you try some face to face alanon meetings. and keep reading and posting.
you can recover and heal, even if he chooses not to. you have choices.
hugs, k
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