Leaving a late/end stage alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
Leaving a late/end stage alcoholic
I just finished reading a couple of threads that not only opened up my eyes but scared the bejeepers out of me. I don't think I really knew how close he was and is to death when I left. Now I am wondering if I did the right thing. I have cut off all contact with him the only way he has to get a hold of me is work and I have not heard a peep. Up until just now I was wondering how I would handle it when I saw him again or when I saw him with another woman. Now I am wondering how I will handle it if I have to identify the body. The only symptom he did not display according to the under the influence sticky is jaundice.
At the beginning of summer he nicked his cheek shaving. It bled on and off for four months. Profusely. I woke up one morning after he left for work and it looked like someone had been shot on his side of the bed. There was a two inch deep pool of blood that covered his entire pillow. This is not an exaggeration. When he would hurt himself at work he would come home covered in blood. I knew his liver was bad, I couldn't stand to kiss him for the smell of it. Right now I feel like I didn't just walk out on a bad marriage but that I left him to die. The last year his behavior became so erratic it was borderline psychotic. He talked to himself, hummed randomly without even being aware of it. I only found out that he had started drinking in the morning and on the job again after I left.
What do you do? I know I can't go back but I don't want the man that I loved for so long to die a miserable death alone. His dad is done with him at this point. He suspected that he was drinking again but when I called and said I was leaving because of it that was pretty much the end for his father. His sister has said that it will pretty much be on her now but she is literally across the country.
I have had so much death and dying in the last few years I should be a pro. I was the one who was there for the two years it took for my father to finally let my mother die, I was there when my Nana passed, I was there for my cousins when their mom passed. I am not sure I can do it again even out of respect for what was left of our marriage. He can't live much longer the way he is going, even if I had not had any medical training after reading this I would have known that. I feel so bad for him. It could have been so very different. I'm very sad right now. I no longer have any hope for him to recover. I lost hope for us getting back together before I left but now I have lost any hope for him. What a viscous bitch this disease is.
At the beginning of summer he nicked his cheek shaving. It bled on and off for four months. Profusely. I woke up one morning after he left for work and it looked like someone had been shot on his side of the bed. There was a two inch deep pool of blood that covered his entire pillow. This is not an exaggeration. When he would hurt himself at work he would come home covered in blood. I knew his liver was bad, I couldn't stand to kiss him for the smell of it. Right now I feel like I didn't just walk out on a bad marriage but that I left him to die. The last year his behavior became so erratic it was borderline psychotic. He talked to himself, hummed randomly without even being aware of it. I only found out that he had started drinking in the morning and on the job again after I left.
What do you do? I know I can't go back but I don't want the man that I loved for so long to die a miserable death alone. His dad is done with him at this point. He suspected that he was drinking again but when I called and said I was leaving because of it that was pretty much the end for his father. His sister has said that it will pretty much be on her now but she is literally across the country.
I have had so much death and dying in the last few years I should be a pro. I was the one who was there for the two years it took for my father to finally let my mother die, I was there when my Nana passed, I was there for my cousins when their mom passed. I am not sure I can do it again even out of respect for what was left of our marriage. He can't live much longer the way he is going, even if I had not had any medical training after reading this I would have known that. I feel so bad for him. It could have been so very different. I'm very sad right now. I no longer have any hope for him to recover. I lost hope for us getting back together before I left but now I have lost any hope for him. What a viscous bitch this disease is.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sorry to say this but the 'man you KNEW' died a long time ago. What is there now is just a SHELL that is controlled by Alcohol.
Having said that there is hope yet. If he passes out on the street and someone is kind enough to call 911 or the cops find him and call he may have a chance.
How can I say this? Simple..........................................I died in the ER and they were writing my TOD on my chart when my heart started on its own. I was given a 2nd chance and that was over 27 years ago.
For your own sanity, you MUST give him up to HP and let HP watch over him. IF he is suppose to make it, he will.
When my ex husband, my family, and my parents said no more and kicked me out it took me another 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 of those living on the streets. To this day I say IT WAS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. It brought me out of my denial. Had they kept 'enabling' me I would have died, never to return.
Please attend some Alanon for YOU. It will help you with the grief and probably guilt you are feeling.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Having said that there is hope yet. If he passes out on the street and someone is kind enough to call 911 or the cops find him and call he may have a chance.
How can I say this? Simple..........................................I died in the ER and they were writing my TOD on my chart when my heart started on its own. I was given a 2nd chance and that was over 27 years ago.
For your own sanity, you MUST give him up to HP and let HP watch over him. IF he is suppose to make it, he will.
When my ex husband, my family, and my parents said no more and kicked me out it took me another 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 of those living on the streets. To this day I say IT WAS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. It brought me out of my denial. Had they kept 'enabling' me I would have died, never to return.
Please attend some Alanon for YOU. It will help you with the grief and probably guilt you are feeling.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
It is a great tragedy to watch someone you have shared your life, dreams and hopes with slowly slipping closer and closer towards death .... and knowing this downward spiral is the result of willingly participating in a deadly activity that is destroying every cell and organ in their bodies and the very essence of who they once were.
Like all decisions regarding alcoholics, the answers are complicated and vary greatly depending on the situation and individuals involved.
This is my story and what happened In my situation.
My husband and I had been married for over 30 years and he was not an alcoholic when we were married. We met as college freshman and started our careers and then began a business together. When our business began to grow, so did our family, with the addition of 2 sons my husband adored ... and in time we built our dream house. I had a number of years to get to know the man for who is really was without the warped distortion brought on by alcohol. Once alcohol took hold of him, I watched in the following decades the transformation of a healthy, strong, high achieving, hard working, intelligent, responsible and caring person as he slipped away, little by little, into a helpless, sickly, confused, rambling, incoherent mess that chose denial over action in changing his destiny. He became weak and disoriented, his once incredible memory replaced by not being able to recall 80% of what he did the day before. He could no longer perform even the simplist math, when he once had been able to handle complex accounting.... and his conversations consisted of repeating the same 5 sentences over and over again. He body became racked with pain, his vision was failing, his once slim muscular torso deteriorated into thin arms and legs with a distended belly. He hobbled with a cane and fell frequently. A few years earlier, he could drive 12 hours in a day and eventually he was only capable of driving short a few blocks on familiar side streets ... because in spite of everything wrong with him .... he would not give up his one access to alcohol - his car.
His life's journey went from someone capable of doing about anything he set his mind to do, to someone with occasional bouts of excessive drinking, to someone drinking every evening and weekend with all the resulting obnoxious behavior and denial ... including the necessary brief periods of good behavior to convince me that he really didn't have a problem ... and eventually progressing rapidly downward including drinking at work all day getting angrier and more beligerent ... he then followed with a brief 2 year stint of sobriety and promises to never ever drink again and I once again got a glimpse of the man I had married. He secretly began to drink again like many alcoholics do ... assuming he could quietly control it but instead he very quickly deteriorated into this helpless sickly, confused person in a matter of just 3 years.
Our situation was complex, due to deeply entwined ties with our children, our business and our home ... and for many other reasons it was necessary to us to live apart but remain married. For a number of years, I took sole care of our business, our home and our children. Our relationship allowed me to maintain control over custody of our sons, important decisions regarding our business and our other finances ... and eventually allowed me to oversee important medical care and decisions my husband soon became incapable of handling. When he was healthier, he handled all his own medical care - but in time he was unable to even drive to his doctor's appointments - let alone comprehend what the doctor was telling him ... and he had no one else to help him. At this point, I began to look on him more as a sickly confused family member rather than a husband... and that helped me define our relationship in the last few difficult and challenging years.
Because we had spent our entire adult lives as partners sharing every milestone and accomplishment while building a life together that included our 2 teenage children ... I knew he would always be a part of our family ... even though I no longer really thought of him as my husband. I honestly felt the husband I married had died years before the actual sad and tragic death of his physical body. In the end because of our many years together, I made a promise to myself that I would take him to doctors and help explain his medical problems to him and make sure he got the medications he needed when he no longer could do it for himself. He didn't live with us ... but I wanted to make sure he got the medical care necessary. I could never forget that he was still a human being that had once worked hard and taken very good care of his family. In the end, I was at peace knowing I did the best I could and that I had made him aware at every turn how sick he was and that if he did not make the necessary changes, he would lose his life .... I made sure that I had kept our children aware of why their father had grown so sick and frail and to know that deep down there was still a decent man that cared about them ... but had been dramatically and tragically transformed by his addiction to alcohol. When his life finally ended, there was a bittersweet comfort in knowing I had done all I could for him within the boundaries that were necessary to make sure his addiction would not also destroy my sons and my life as well.
Like all decisions regarding alcoholics, the answers are complicated and vary greatly depending on the situation and individuals involved.
This is my story and what happened In my situation.
My husband and I had been married for over 30 years and he was not an alcoholic when we were married. We met as college freshman and started our careers and then began a business together. When our business began to grow, so did our family, with the addition of 2 sons my husband adored ... and in time we built our dream house. I had a number of years to get to know the man for who is really was without the warped distortion brought on by alcohol. Once alcohol took hold of him, I watched in the following decades the transformation of a healthy, strong, high achieving, hard working, intelligent, responsible and caring person as he slipped away, little by little, into a helpless, sickly, confused, rambling, incoherent mess that chose denial over action in changing his destiny. He became weak and disoriented, his once incredible memory replaced by not being able to recall 80% of what he did the day before. He could no longer perform even the simplist math, when he once had been able to handle complex accounting.... and his conversations consisted of repeating the same 5 sentences over and over again. He body became racked with pain, his vision was failing, his once slim muscular torso deteriorated into thin arms and legs with a distended belly. He hobbled with a cane and fell frequently. A few years earlier, he could drive 12 hours in a day and eventually he was only capable of driving short a few blocks on familiar side streets ... because in spite of everything wrong with him .... he would not give up his one access to alcohol - his car.
His life's journey went from someone capable of doing about anything he set his mind to do, to someone with occasional bouts of excessive drinking, to someone drinking every evening and weekend with all the resulting obnoxious behavior and denial ... including the necessary brief periods of good behavior to convince me that he really didn't have a problem ... and eventually progressing rapidly downward including drinking at work all day getting angrier and more beligerent ... he then followed with a brief 2 year stint of sobriety and promises to never ever drink again and I once again got a glimpse of the man I had married. He secretly began to drink again like many alcoholics do ... assuming he could quietly control it but instead he very quickly deteriorated into this helpless sickly, confused person in a matter of just 3 years.
Our situation was complex, due to deeply entwined ties with our children, our business and our home ... and for many other reasons it was necessary to us to live apart but remain married. For a number of years, I took sole care of our business, our home and our children. Our relationship allowed me to maintain control over custody of our sons, important decisions regarding our business and our other finances ... and eventually allowed me to oversee important medical care and decisions my husband soon became incapable of handling. When he was healthier, he handled all his own medical care - but in time he was unable to even drive to his doctor's appointments - let alone comprehend what the doctor was telling him ... and he had no one else to help him. At this point, I began to look on him more as a sickly confused family member rather than a husband... and that helped me define our relationship in the last few difficult and challenging years.
Because we had spent our entire adult lives as partners sharing every milestone and accomplishment while building a life together that included our 2 teenage children ... I knew he would always be a part of our family ... even though I no longer really thought of him as my husband. I honestly felt the husband I married had died years before the actual sad and tragic death of his physical body. In the end because of our many years together, I made a promise to myself that I would take him to doctors and help explain his medical problems to him and make sure he got the medications he needed when he no longer could do it for himself. He didn't live with us ... but I wanted to make sure he got the medical care necessary. I could never forget that he was still a human being that had once worked hard and taken very good care of his family. In the end, I was at peace knowing I did the best I could and that I had made him aware at every turn how sick he was and that if he did not make the necessary changes, he would lose his life .... I made sure that I had kept our children aware of why their father had grown so sick and frail and to know that deep down there was still a decent man that cared about them ... but had been dramatically and tragically transformed by his addiction to alcohol. When his life finally ended, there was a bittersweet comfort in knowing I had done all I could for him within the boundaries that were necessary to make sure his addiction would not also destroy my sons and my life as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by TooMuch4TooLong 
IWhat do you do? I know I can't go back but I don't want the man that I loved for so long to die a miserable death alone.
Yes, this is a tragedy; and the more I read about it on this board year after year, the deeper it sinks into my soul the depth of this tragedy.
Let go and Let God.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
If what I'm about to say sounds sarcastic or cold, it's not meant to. This is one of those situations where voice inflection makes all the difference.
The only "person" who can restore him to sanity, therefore his life, is his HP.
His destiny is in God's Hands.
What I was thinking as I read your story with him, is that the man you fell in love with is gone . . . what remains is simply a shell of who he was.
I was with my sister when she died from this disease. She was only 26 and died from chirrosis of the liver. The moment her soul left this earth, for the first time in years, Linda looked as though she was in peace.
I don't believe that all of us were meant to survive this disease. I feel that for some, the pain of their life is too great to go on. It's time to let him go, to move on to where he will be able to finally be at peace.
And please, go to Alanon Meetings. They need you as much as you need them.
God Bless You,
Judy
The only "person" who can restore him to sanity, therefore his life, is his HP.
His destiny is in God's Hands.
What I was thinking as I read your story with him, is that the man you fell in love with is gone . . . what remains is simply a shell of who he was.
I was with my sister when she died from this disease. She was only 26 and died from chirrosis of the liver. The moment her soul left this earth, for the first time in years, Linda looked as though she was in peace.
I don't believe that all of us were meant to survive this disease. I feel that for some, the pain of their life is too great to go on. It's time to let him go, to move on to where he will be able to finally be at peace.
And please, go to Alanon Meetings. They need you as much as you need them.
God Bless You,
Judy
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I knew Richard was an end-stage alcoholic when I joined this forum approximately four years ago. By then it was too late to save him, but it was not too late to save myself. With the help of my Higher Power, Alanon, and the caring people at SR, I made it through the darkest days of my life. And I came out on the other side a stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and happier person.
Having an alcoholic boyfriend was my path. Dying from alcoholism was Richard's path. Each person has the power to choose their own path and I've learned to respect the choices of others, even if I do not agree with the path they've chosen.
In Richard's final days, I chose to walk away and end all contact in order to protect myself from further pain. I didn't want my last memories of him to be finding him dead with a bottle at his side. And more importantly than that, I didn't want my daughter to find him that way, either.
Today, barely one year after Richard's death, I'm happy and at peace with the choices I made. They were the right choices for me. It's never wrong to take action to protect or save yourself.
If you're interested in reading my final update on Richard after his death, search for a post entitled "His name was Richard and he was an alcoholic."
I feel your pain because I've been through it. I'll be here for you in the same way my friends at SR were there for me in Richard's final days, always at the ready to lend an ear and a piece of my heart.
Wishing you peace.
Having an alcoholic boyfriend was my path. Dying from alcoholism was Richard's path. Each person has the power to choose their own path and I've learned to respect the choices of others, even if I do not agree with the path they've chosen.
In Richard's final days, I chose to walk away and end all contact in order to protect myself from further pain. I didn't want my last memories of him to be finding him dead with a bottle at his side. And more importantly than that, I didn't want my daughter to find him that way, either.
Today, barely one year after Richard's death, I'm happy and at peace with the choices I made. They were the right choices for me. It's never wrong to take action to protect or save yourself.
If you're interested in reading my final update on Richard after his death, search for a post entitled "His name was Richard and he was an alcoholic."
I feel your pain because I've been through it. I'll be here for you in the same way my friends at SR were there for me in Richard's final days, always at the ready to lend an ear and a piece of my heart.
Wishing you peace.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
(((Toomuch)))) When you get a chance, please read some of my previous posts. I, too, struggled with my husband dying alone. In the end though, you have to do what you have to do for you. I turned it over to my HP, got him out of the house, and he is now in recovery (so far). You and your husband are in my prayers.
QT
QT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
FD I just read your post. I'm crying my eyes out too. It's weird because most of the time I think I'm ok and then I see something like this and I just lose it. As much as I would like to say that there was no love left there was. I love him with all my heart but I just can't watch another person I love die and do it almost willingly. It's too hard.
I think I knew when I starting haunting this board over a year or so ago. Beer was always his drink of choice I think mainly because when ever he drank anything harder he would get alcohol poisoning. I found vodka under a paint hopper in the garage one day. He actually admitted to me that at one point he went to the liquor store and sat in the parking lot and drank it down like it was water. He told me he didn't really know why but as he was doing it he thought to himself that "She's going to nag and bitch if I drink today anyway so I might as well give her something to bitch about."
We talked a lot about the drinking and it wasn't always nagging but of course there was that too. The last few years I kind of gave up on the nagging, it was only making things worse so what was the point. I would try to draw him out and not be judgemental or confrontational about it. He opened up to me but it didn't make him stop.
I never understood his need to drink, he came from a perfect family, had a wonderful career that he excelled at. We owned our own business for many years and he is so very talented. Was I should say because right now the disease has affected his ability. He went from being a custom home builder to being a laborer and he is hanging by a thread at that.
The physical violence did not become an issue until the first vodka binge that I knew about. He was sweet and gentle and loving. Crazy as a loon and obnoxious as all get out but all in all a happy drunk. The changes these last couple of years have been monstrous and unbearable.
I feel if I contact him or give him any kind of attention he will try to manipulate me to get back into our lives and right now I don't feel strong enough for that. I'm confused, worried, sad and yes feeling guilty.
I know he is the only one that can stop this and as much as I wish that he would for himself I feel that it is only a matter of time before I post a thread similar to yours. Thank you so much everyone for all your wisdom and support. Thank you FD again for sharing your story.
I think I knew when I starting haunting this board over a year or so ago. Beer was always his drink of choice I think mainly because when ever he drank anything harder he would get alcohol poisoning. I found vodka under a paint hopper in the garage one day. He actually admitted to me that at one point he went to the liquor store and sat in the parking lot and drank it down like it was water. He told me he didn't really know why but as he was doing it he thought to himself that "She's going to nag and bitch if I drink today anyway so I might as well give her something to bitch about."
We talked a lot about the drinking and it wasn't always nagging but of course there was that too. The last few years I kind of gave up on the nagging, it was only making things worse so what was the point. I would try to draw him out and not be judgemental or confrontational about it. He opened up to me but it didn't make him stop.
I never understood his need to drink, he came from a perfect family, had a wonderful career that he excelled at. We owned our own business for many years and he is so very talented. Was I should say because right now the disease has affected his ability. He went from being a custom home builder to being a laborer and he is hanging by a thread at that.
The physical violence did not become an issue until the first vodka binge that I knew about. He was sweet and gentle and loving. Crazy as a loon and obnoxious as all get out but all in all a happy drunk. The changes these last couple of years have been monstrous and unbearable.
I feel if I contact him or give him any kind of attention he will try to manipulate me to get back into our lives and right now I don't feel strong enough for that. I'm confused, worried, sad and yes feeling guilty.
I know he is the only one that can stop this and as much as I wish that he would for himself I feel that it is only a matter of time before I post a thread similar to yours. Thank you so much everyone for all your wisdom and support. Thank you FD again for sharing your story.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Honey, I feel your pain
I was actually grateful when I saw your thread title, because it is what I am struggling with right now as well. My STBXAH is just a mess, and I really don't believe in my heart of hearts that me divorcing him is going to help him on his road to recovery. But I do know that he doesn't seem to be able to do for himself at all right now, and that being married to me never seemed to be motivation enough to get sober either, even though he's tried to manipulate me into believing that would be the case, despite all evidence to the contrary. Basically, I believe that when our divorce is final he will take all of his settlement money and use it to drink himself to death, or if not to death, to the point where he has no more money to spend on things like an apartment, a car, health care, etc., at which point he'll be out on the street I suppose. He hasn't made the detaching process easy--I cried when I read Former Doormat's post, because I do still love him, and because he has attempted sobriety many times, and now he keeps trying to reel me back in and out of this divorce by trying to convince me that the only thing that will save him is me and darling daughter moving back in with him. But I know in my heart that would be a stop-gap measure at best--it may keep him sober for a few more months than he can manage on his own, and then we're back to me having to worry about my daughter being the one to find his dead body instead of me or whoever. He has no one else really; no one else that will enable his drinking, and no one else that cares to take his drunken phone calls. He was supposed to go to outpatient treatment today--an outpatient treatment that told him this was his last chance with them as he has canceled on them the previous two times he was scheduled to go. Guess what he decided to do? Not go, and blame it on me for not driving him there. (I have a full-time job, and a part-time job, as well as full responsibility for our daughter. Nevermind the fact that he never even asked me to take off work to drive him--I was just supposed to deduce that he wouldn't go otherwise). Well, once the divorce is final he won't even have the option of something like that, although I do know he would have other options that exist for a person with no healthcare to at least get seen by a mental health professional, at least, I hope so. I'm scared and sad, but I don't see how I have any choice but to detach and leave him to his HP--but I understand your fear, your guilt, and your sadness. I'm living it too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
My heart goes out to you also....I have watched 3 loved ones die of this disease and the first one was my best friend from childhood....she left 5 children motherless and her 6th one died of alcohol poisoning right after she gave birth. She was 30 years old at that time that was in 1986. She had everything going on at the end that was mentioned above. It was sad and it hurt so very much that I lost my best friend but I knew then that I couldn't help her and that she had to do it for herself. She chose not to. The next one was a fiance that I was engaged to and I broke it off. Many years later I got a call from his mother telling me that he died at the age of 45 - his liver failed and he was gone. Then in Jan of 07 - it was my own mothers turn to go. I had separated myself from her 18 years earlier because I just couldn't deal with her behavior and foul mouth....she however lived to be 73 but the disease got her none the less. She died loving the man she was married to for 32 years even though she divorced him at the height of her addiction way back in 1988......as she said : "He was the love of my life"..... ummm hmmm.....she too lived in the past and couldn't function anymore and lost a wonderful job on a military base several years earlier ...
My XAH did me the biggest favor by abandoning the kids and I in 2005. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it then....but today??? I have to say that I am glad he did it. Because I would have never left him or divorced him.....I just wasn't that strong. Do I still cry? Sure. If you love someone - truly love someone - that love NEVER goes away but it turns into something more profound. It turns into something that I can't really describe. But it turns into something different.
Hang in there sweetie...just hang in there. You do what you need to do for YOU. Because in the end they will do ONLY what they have to for themselves. And they can't help it.
Janitw
My XAH did me the biggest favor by abandoning the kids and I in 2005. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it then....but today??? I have to say that I am glad he did it. Because I would have never left him or divorced him.....I just wasn't that strong. Do I still cry? Sure. If you love someone - truly love someone - that love NEVER goes away but it turns into something more profound. It turns into something that I can't really describe. But it turns into something different.
Hang in there sweetie...just hang in there. You do what you need to do for YOU. Because in the end they will do ONLY what they have to for themselves. And they can't help it.
Janitw
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Wow, your stories echo my own and "letting go" of AW.
Life is complicated enough and I want to just be sane and normal. If she finds sobriety I will be happy, but I won't torture myself anymore waiting.
Life is complicated enough and I want to just be sane and normal. If she finds sobriety I will be happy, but I won't torture myself anymore waiting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I know that my exAH is a binge away from death; so does he. It is in his and his HP's hands, not mine, not my children's. Still, it haunts my days, imagining how things might have been different, how good his life could be if he could just hang on to his AA plans. One day at a time, for them and for us, is all we can ask of ourselves. Peace to you, peace to you all who have suffered through end-stage with a loved one.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
No one should die alone. You can reenter his life on a different level. I fwe can watch anyone die alone and feel any sense of recovery in losing our campassion, I think we have to check ourselves. In times like these, we define ourselves. We are capable of great measures of love and compassion. It is a disease.
No matter what anyones measure of recovery is, at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. Do what you feel is right.
No matter what anyones measure of recovery is, at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. Do what you feel is right.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by mallowcup
No one should die alone. You can reenter his life on a different level. I fwe can watch anyone die alone and feel any sense of recovery in losing our campassion, I think we have to check ourselves. In times like these, we define ourselves. We are capable of great measures of love and compassion. It is a disease.
I knew a lovely couple, together for 25 years. One was alcoholic. The other detached but stayed in the relationship. One weekend he went and spent with friends (the alcoholic chose to isolate) and came home to find his partner dead on the floor. He died alone of his disease.
I think it's a huge leap to say that choosing to not witness someone drink themselves to death equates with lack of compassion. xAH is still drinking; has serious health problems and may drink himself to death. I may die before him. If I do, I want MY last days to be filled with joy and, yes, compassion.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I said no one should die alone. I didn't say it was wrong if you choose not to watch it. I said it's ok if you do choose to be there on a different level.
I don't think it is a stretch for a creative, half way intelligent person to incorporate some support systems to a dying person. Want examples?
I don't think it is a stretch for a creative, half way intelligent person to incorporate some support systems to a dying person. Want examples?
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Originally Posted by mallowcup
I'm a nurse and I take big leaps over what I want to see and what a person needs but that's just me. If given a choice, I will not let a person die alone.
I have no control over how I will die, much less someone else.
L
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