Here I sit
One Day at a Time!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paris, Tx
Posts: 64
Here I sit
Well, here I sit, waiting, killing time, till I leave to go to my second AA meeting. Yesterday was my first, oddly enough, I wanted a drink even more when I left. And that's what I did, I got a drink. I feel so awful right now, all I want is to go get another drink, so I can feel "normal" before I go to this meeting. I always thought the bad hangover after a night at the bar was bad. This is worse. I know it's withdrawls, I know I shouldn't go get another drink. It's all I can do to not go. But today is my son's 13th birthday. He wasn't suppose to be 13 weeks old. He's a very special kid. Come to think of it, outside of the day he was born, I don't think I've ever spent his birthday sober. Heck, I haven't spent one of my birthday's sober in nearly 20 years. So today I start.
Lord, please help me through this day!
Lord, please help me through this day!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
HI twin...suz10 is also on day 1. Hopefully you can read each others posts through out the day it helps a lot to share with those who are the same step of the journey as well as those who are a little further down the path.
I know many people go to a meeting and want to drink worse....I believe that usually passes. If you can talk for a while with people after the meeting it can help releave some of the desire to drink...just tell them, if you can, what you said here...they will have some ideas too I am sure.
I know many people go to a meeting and want to drink worse....I believe that usually passes. If you can talk for a while with people after the meeting it can help releave some of the desire to drink...just tell them, if you can, what you said here...they will have some ideas too I am sure.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi Twin,
Have you talked to your dr? Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
It is hard to get through withdrawls, but you can do it and then begin to move forward with your recovery.
Have you talked to your dr? Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
It is hard to get through withdrawls, but you can do it and then begin to move forward with your recovery.
One Day at a Time!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paris, Tx
Posts: 64
Doc...
I don't have insurance, and no money to see a doctor. And to be honest, I think the only way for me to keep my sobriety is to remember how hard this is to stop. I actually have some equipment in my home to check my heartrate, oxygen levels, and my blood pressure. My heartrate is just above 100 right now, and my blood pressure is normal. I'll continue to moniter it over the next few days, to be sure I don't need to go to the emergency room.
Above all, I'm afraid for someone to know I'm doing this. I'm the single mother of three angels, if anyone knew the depths of my dependancy, I would risk loosing my babies. It's been a miracle that I haven't lost them already. That is my main reason for finding sobriety.
(sorry if my typing is crappy, my hands are shaking, and the keys aren't where they are suppose to be! ha!)
Above all, I'm afraid for someone to know I'm doing this. I'm the single mother of three angels, if anyone knew the depths of my dependancy, I would risk loosing my babies. It's been a miracle that I haven't lost them already. That is my main reason for finding sobriety.
(sorry if my typing is crappy, my hands are shaking, and the keys aren't where they are suppose to be! ha!)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I commend you for knowing you should stop drinking. AA can be very helpful, as can be the other recovery programs out there. In the end, tho, giving up alcohol is YOUR choice, for YOUR well being. Please come here often to read and post. We are a very caring family of addicts and will support you in your quest to stay sober.
Welcome to the site!
:ghug3
Welcome to the site!
:ghug3
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Yesterday is history...Tomorrow is a mystery...Today is the present...That's why it's called a gift! And, what a wonderful gift to give your special son on his special day!
It's so good that you've chosen AA meetings as part of your recovery process. Please just try to stay "in the moment"...pay attention to the speakers (as much as possible for now)...keep busy. Try not to drink "just for today", and do the same each day.
Yes, you will be going through withdrawal...it would be so much better if you were able to go through a medically supervised detox. But, there are things you can do that might help:
Lots of liquid...juices, water (cut down/out the caffeine)
Hard candies to suck on
Warm baths
I think there may be a sticky on this site to tell you what to expect with withdrawal. In the meantime, keep going to the meetings, keep in touch with us at SR.
It's so good that you've chosen AA meetings as part of your recovery process. Please just try to stay "in the moment"...pay attention to the speakers (as much as possible for now)...keep busy. Try not to drink "just for today", and do the same each day.
Yes, you will be going through withdrawal...it would be so much better if you were able to go through a medically supervised detox. But, there are things you can do that might help:
Lots of liquid...juices, water (cut down/out the caffeine)
Hard candies to suck on
Warm baths
I think there may be a sticky on this site to tell you what to expect with withdrawal. In the meantime, keep going to the meetings, keep in touch with us at SR.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Yeah Twin! You can do this and in the years to come you will have a VERY memorable sober bday, the day your son became a teenager!
You can do this. Just do not drink for this hour.
Do whatever you have to do, just do not pick up!
You can do this. Just do not drink for this hour.
Do whatever you have to do, just do not pick up!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
Great job Twin, you are doing something great by giving it up. Be gentle with yourself and dont pick up no matter what. We are all behind you, reading posts on this site helps to give me strength and hope that I can be sober.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Twin....Good to see you here with us...
Please see if this link helps you with your de toxx
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Keep posting...we do understand
Please see if this link helps you with your de toxx
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Keep posting...we do understand
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Originally Posted by Twin 
But today is my son's 13th birthday. He wasn't suppose to be 13 weeks old. He's a very special kid. Come to think of it, outside of the day he was born, I don't think I've ever spent his birthday sober. Heck, I haven't spent one of my birthday's sober in nearly 20 years.
Welcome to SR, please keep reading and posting here, there's much to learn. Keep going to those meetings, and "don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens".
Every day I remind myself that to drink is to die, and for the last 3 1/2 years I haven't died from not taking another drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: waterville maine
Posts: 21
I feel the same way right now. I am waiting for my hubby to get back. I am afraid I might get a drink and I desparately don't want to. My neck hurts - the dogs are barking and all I keep thinking of is the guilt I will feel if I do. Then if I do and feel so guilty then I am just weak. Try to hang in there. I will remember that I am not the only one that feels like this and maybe through that I can gain my own strength.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: coastal SC
Posts: 68
Hi Twin,
Good for you for going to the meetings. I am hangin in there as well. I think I may have actually decided to finally do this for ME. My kids need me to be a good mom. Don't get discouraged. We will get thru this. You just need to make it to bedtime tonite.
Good for you for going to the meetings. I am hangin in there as well. I think I may have actually decided to finally do this for ME. My kids need me to be a good mom. Don't get discouraged. We will get thru this. You just need to make it to bedtime tonite.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rogue Valley
Posts: 65
someone in my first meeting told me about sugar milk....2 parts sugar one part milk....it's supposed to help cravings since sugar is one molecule off of alcohol....I havent tried it but I know eatting something sweet helped me get thru cravings....
up until 54 days ago i couldnt remember the last time I went to sleep without drinking to the point of passing out...my body couldnt do it on its own....but one day at a time I made it....if I can do it...and start being a somewhat decent mother to my girls....anyone can....
Good For you....stay strong....
xoxoxo, Lg
up until 54 days ago i couldnt remember the last time I went to sleep without drinking to the point of passing out...my body couldnt do it on its own....but one day at a time I made it....if I can do it...and start being a somewhat decent mother to my girls....anyone can....
Good For you....stay strong....
xoxoxo, Lg
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
I've noticed that a few people here have mentioned their children. I've heard people share at AA meetings that their children have never seen them drink. Sometimes I wish I could say that, but my kids have definitely seen me at my worst. My son has been dropped on his face and had his nose broken when he was a toddler. When my daughter was a baby I'd clap my hand over her mouth and shake her to get her to stop crying, and one time she rolled off the changing table while I was drinking my beer. I used to explain those things as accidents, but every time I made the decision to drink it was like committing child abuse. Not a day goes by when I don't think of that and thank my Higher Power for my sobriety.
There is hope in sobriety. My marriage didn't last but the day it fell apart I walked into AA and stayed there, and thankfully I managed to keep joint custody of my children. At 5 months sober they started attending AA meetings with me, for the last few years they've continued to go at least twice a week. We share an amazing life together and more love than I ever thought could be possible. My GF is also in recovery, every day my kids ask about her and hope she's coming over to spend time with us. Most of our friends are in AA, we've got more friends now than we've ever had. My sobriety has given me the greatest gifts I've ever received, I owe that to God and the program of AA.
My children are 10 & 13. They may never forget the things I've done to them, at times they do remind me, but I look forward to every moment we spend together with a sober heart and soul, I can't wait for what tomorrow brings us.
Stay sober for yourself, do it for your kids if that works for you. The rewards will be awesome, I'm living them every day and hope you choose to do the same.
There is hope in sobriety. My marriage didn't last but the day it fell apart I walked into AA and stayed there, and thankfully I managed to keep joint custody of my children. At 5 months sober they started attending AA meetings with me, for the last few years they've continued to go at least twice a week. We share an amazing life together and more love than I ever thought could be possible. My GF is also in recovery, every day my kids ask about her and hope she's coming over to spend time with us. Most of our friends are in AA, we've got more friends now than we've ever had. My sobriety has given me the greatest gifts I've ever received, I owe that to God and the program of AA.
My children are 10 & 13. They may never forget the things I've done to them, at times they do remind me, but I look forward to every moment we spend together with a sober heart and soul, I can't wait for what tomorrow brings us.
Stay sober for yourself, do it for your kids if that works for you. The rewards will be awesome, I'm living them every day and hope you choose to do the same.
One Day at a Time!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paris, Tx
Posts: 64
Thank you all for the encouraging words! I am now 16hrs sober! WOOHOO! Though, when I had to drive my son to the doc this afternoon, in the middle of what's left of Gustav (I live in NE texas) pooring rain. My shakes were awful, I'd just come from my AA meeting and my nerves were shot. All I could think was how much better I could drive if only I had one drink to calm those shakes. I made it though. Even when I left to run a couple errands, (pick up meds, one to get cigs, another for super) when I normally would have snuck by the beer store, I didn't!
WOOHOO for ME! I don't think I've been any prouder of myself in a very long time!
WOOHOO for ME! I don't think I've been any prouder of myself in a very long time!
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