worriedbf

Hi everyone,

I've never used a site like this before but then, I've never been in this situation before.

I have been seeing a wonderful woman for the last 14 months. I love her endlessly. But over the course of our relationship, she drinks to excess. Not every night. Mostly weekends. Except of late, she's been working less and going on 3-5 day benders. The only problems we have ever had are as a result of the drinking. And when she does get tanked (really the only way to describe it), she becomes a different person. Party animals. Drinking non stop. Yelling. Throwing things. Not in anger, but in fun. She's wreck a number of her phones. Last week, she was trying to kick out the back windows of her car cause it would be funny. Then, once those activities die down, on comes the overwealming sadness and depression. Those seem to bleed right through into the next day and sometimes for a few. She hates things that she does. She knows she shouldn't. But won't admit a problem and won't stop. I have been through hell with this lately. Never known such emotional pain myself, as our relationship has been kinda rocky.

Problem being, she would never go to any meetings. I know this. So what else can I do? I am not willing to walk away and let her slip into oblivion. Not an option. I think that a full time job would help by giving her some structure. She's 24 now and most people in her life don't quite grasp how bad it is.

Any advice you can share would be great. Thank you.

deezaldog

Unfortunately you cannot do anything for her. She must do it for herself. All you can do is take care of yourself. An alcoholic must admit they have a problem. You can bring it up to her but try to do it when she is not drinking or hung over.
Check the alanon forums for help in dealing with an alcoholic. Alanon mtgs could be a source of advice and support for you.
A full time job, different location or other changes will not stop the drinking behavior on a permenant basis. The only help for me was admitting I was an alcoholic and doing the work to stay sober myself. I hope you find the support and help you are seeking. Most of all I hope your girl will see that she can stop the cycle of drinking and bad behavior. LOL

Jersey Nonny

If you care that much for her, perhaps (in addition to reading/posting here) you might consider going to Al-Anon Meetings yourself. These are for friends and family of alcoholics, where you can get a lot of support for YOU.

Master G

Hi WBF, you taking the time to & effort to learn more about her disease shows how much you must care for her. Showing her your post & asking her to take the reigns & search for help here & on other programs would be a great start.

Does she ever say that she is sick of being sick or say that she wants to quit? She has to admit that she has a problem & want to make a change before much else can happen.

There are other sections on this site that deal with the partners of alcoholics & what they go through, it might be a good place for you to share your experiences & get input from other partners/family members that are going through what you are.

All of the best for you & your girlfriend, thoughts & wishes for you both.

Take Care

EDIT: Here is the link to the Friends & Family of Alcoholics section ;-)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

least

I can only echo what the others have said: you cannot "fix" her problem. She's the only one who can do that. Have you tried talking to her about it? If not, try talking to her about how worried you about her drinking. But in the meantime, take care of yourself. Do try AlAnon for support for yourself. I hope for the best for you and your gf, but do take care of yourself and don't waste your time and energy trying to fix her problem yourself.

Please also check out the Family and Friends forum for support and advice.

:ghug3

littlefish

I agree with the others here. Choose a time when she is sober, not hungover. And just say simply you are worried about her drinking. Just leave it at that. How she responds to that will be an indication to you if she is also worried about her drinking and if she wants to stop.

CarolD

Welcome!


As you evidently are preparing to stay with this woman
I strongly sugest you
1. Find a local Al anon meeting to attend
2. Read "Co Depentdent No More" by M. Beattie
"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew

Glad you found us

Aysha