Silverberry1331

Hi everyone,

This is my last weekend that I will live with my AH. There is such a finality about it. I have tried to keep busy with school work, which has kept me out of the house. Meanwhile, the AH is in terrible straights. He has been looking for a place to live, but has very little money of his own. No job either, and trying to get social security. We divided our only marital asset between us in June. It was a CD that we opened using money his mother left us when she died. In brighter days, we were planning on using it to put a down payment on a home. After all this madness, we broke the CD...I took a small portion to reimburse myself for money I lent him and the rest I gave to him since it was his mother's money. In TWO months, he spent $10,000, and only has $400 left.

His ex wife is now pushing for back child support. He received notice that they were going to push enforcement proceedings and are about to levy his bank account (don't worry--he and I never had joint accounts or filed taxes together). His OW is out of control with her drinking, so there is no stability there. He has no family to help him or to go to. And the day approaches for him to leave...

Today after months of craziness, he soberly told me that he screwed his life up royally and was sorry for the pain he caused. It wasn't followed by any pleading for reconciliation or for an extended stay. It was merely a resigned admittance that he made choices that put his life in the toilet. I had never heard him take this kind of responsibility before. I again mentioned recovery to him, but he still resists.

I am so deeply saddened for this man. My heart breaks as I watch him fall to a place I cannot go. I used to follow him so eagerly, ready to rescue him. Now I can only watch as he scrambles. It is so wretched. I feel like I am lowering a casket that contains our marriage into the ground. The saddest thing is that nothing can save it now. There are only ways to be parted and tears to be shed.

Thanks for letting me share.

SlvrMag

wow, your words make me sad. I can actually feel the pain in your text. But you sound strong. The right thing to do is always the hardest thing to do.

August78

Sometimes the things that seem like worst things possible turn out to be the best things that could ever happen if we just get through it.

lizw

It is sad to watch another person struggle with how much they've wasted their life. Heartbreaking even. God/HP has you both in hand.

Have you checked out Al Anon yet?
Living with him or not, you can attend.
You may find some face to face comfort there and we all need it!

Take it easy.

kelly381

My xh was not an alcoholic but he acted like one. When we seperated I thought my life was over. I was only working p/t and I had 2 kids to support. I didn't know what was to going to happen...I lived on my own before but know I had 2 young kids to take care of. Failure was NOT an option. Luckily, he felt soooo guilty for leaving me for the 'county *****' that he gave me everything. Basically left with nothing but the clothes on his back...Anyway, I'm getting off topic. What I wanted to say was after he left...even though I felt this HUGE sense of forboding...it was actually like I was reborn.
Seriously, I worked the same job for 12 years and everybody I knew said I was like a different person. I used to think of it as me being a flower that was stuck under a pot forever, but then the pot was removed and I FINALLY got some sunlight...and just like a flower (lol) I bloomed! It's AMAZING how things will change. Even if it seems like things can't get any worse...sometimes good things come from bad things.

You've been with this guy for so long you don't remember what it can be like without him. Don't get me wrong, it hurts like h*ll...but eventually it gets alittle less and a little less.

I'm sorry you're going through this but just know that you are not alone. The people on this board are awesome!!

dawnb1176

My heart is breaking for you because i am going down the same road. Keep your head up.

gns

I am sory silverberry, I am sure this must be torture watching from so close. He does have options and had so many chances, but never took them.

Trust his HP to take care of him and yours to take care of you.

Lots of love and prayers for you.

FormerDoormat

It is sad to see them suffer the consequences of their actions, but they are his consequences to suffer--not yours. A few years ago I would have believed my ex-boyfriend when he said he was sorry for all the suffering he'd caused me, but he was not sober at the time he spoke those words, and neither is your husband, so the only thing my boyfriend was sorry for is that I finally saw the light and he was losing his codie and his home and was completely on his own.

Don't let an insincere apology by an active alcoholic that was spoken as a last ditch manipulation to get you to stay clog your mind and fill you with unnecessary guilt or sorrow.

Your suffering has ended now because you've chosen to end it. Instead of wasting any more emotions on your wreck of a husband focus on the happy, peaceful, and stress-free life that lies ahead of you. Your life can be anything you make of it. The possibilities are endless.

tormented22267

The thing I noticed is that the first three paragraphs in your post were all about HIM. HE has no money, HE has no job, HE went through 10 grand in two months (hello!, he could have gotten an apt., furnishings & all and been all set right now!). HIS OW, HIS bank account, and how bad HE feels now. What about YOU???

I know you are worried, I know you can't help but feel bad, but HE put himself in this position. You gave him plently of time and warning to get his things together. He did not because he was hoping upon hope that you would cave. Now, he's doing and saying anything in his power to manipulate you to make you feel sorry for him and let him stay. You said he's taking responsibility, but still does not want to seek recovery?? So, is he really taking responsibility, or is he trying to manipulate you to get you to let him stay?? IMHO, if he was REALLY, truly, taking responsibility, he would be in treatment NOW. He would be at AA, or whatever it took to SHOW you he is serious. ACTIONS speak louder than words!

My prayers go out to you. I hope you can keep your strength and make peace with yourself for what you have to do to take care of YOU!

prodigal

This brings to mind the time my AH sat down and seriously looked me in the eye. Then he announced: "I KNOW I have a drinking problem." Yes, and I KNOW I have blonde hair.

After informing me of his problem, he never attended AA, never sought counseling, never went back into another rehab.

Although your AH did not plead for a reconciliation, he is trying to tug at your heart and your sympathy. Just my opinion, but if he sincerely believed he had made such a colossal mess of his life and wanted to start down the right path, he would run to the nearest AA meeting or start looking into rehab facilities.

chrisea

go easy (true) to yourself, time is on your side.

I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days or great days.