TryingSoHard

Today's been difficult so far, and it's going to get harder before it gets easier. My mind keeps reeling... I keep going back and forth in my mind... yes, I can do this... no, I can't and there's no point in trying... maybe things aren't really as bad as I thought they were and I can drink like a normal person.

I almost had a drink. Almost. But then I said no, you can't do that, because your child is starting kindergarten tomorrow and you are meeting his teacher tonight and you CAN NOT do it drunk. And if you take ONE DRINK right now, you WILL be drunk for that meeting, and you know it.

This is when it's really, really hard to handle this all by myself. I wish I could tell someone.

TryingSoHard

Oh, and ironically, I sat down and turned the tv on and 28 Days was just starting. So I'm watching it now (never seen it before).

Lindsay

I'm sorry you're having a bad day...just take it a MINUTE at a time if you have to!

I can relate so much. Today's my 4th day and I've been struggling with the idea of drinking all day. My mind's going crazy. Back and forth. It's ridiculous. I KNOW I CANNOT, just as you know if you take one drink, you'll end up drunk for the meeting. This is the toughest part of the day for me. The work days almost over...

Find something productive to do to distract yourself. As for me, I'm going to go home, change, & workout. I know afterwards I won't even be craving a drink.

You can do it!!!

Anna

It's not an easy road and there are lots of ups and downs.

Focus on what you need to do for yourself right now and for your child tonight.

You know that meeting your child's kindergarten teacher will be something you will remember for a long time.

Eclipse

Hang in there! You can do it! You'll feel so much better about yourself in the morning!

I know that the end of the work day is really hard for me, cuz I just wanna go home and pour a glass of wine and relax. How innocent is that? Except we all know where it progresses to...the whole bottle and maybe running to the store for more, then I can't sleep, I fret, then I wake up feeling like crap and wondering why I did that AGAIN??? Wouldn't it just be so much easier to wake up feeling good and proud!! We can do it!

angie9

Huggs it is hard and the amount of times I picked the kids up from school drunk fills me with deep shame. Im only ten days sober but I feel fantastic and hope you can feel like that with me. One minute one hour at a time Im thinking of you
Ang

HeavyJ

Wow, hey there tryingsohard, I'm struggling today too, just like you. I'm done with my work, I could leave if I wanted, but I'm staying to avoid temptation. Let's make a deal, you don't drink today and i won't either.

Good luck! Listen to yourself, if you have that first one you will be drunk. By all means necessary, do not have that first one...

Heavy

TryingSoHard

Thanks, y'all. Really. This helps.

angie9

heavyJ what a adorable little bird on your profile is it some kind of finch?

SelfSeeking

Trying, I can feel your strength even through the computer when you talk about being sober for the meeting with your child's teacher. And imagine sending him off to school for the first time in his life, without a hangover, having a clear memory of that moment. You can take a picture of him with a little backpack on and when you see look at it in the future, you'll remember that it was your 4th day of sobriety. It will be sweet

I am hanging in. Trying not to feel so worthless. THANK YOU for your support!

LogCabin

At moments like these I find stretching and deep breathing really really help. Stand up....reach for the ceiling.....Breath in slowly to the count of 5....hold it for a count of 3...and exhale slowly to the count of 5...do this 4 or 5 times. Then just stretch...stretch...stretch... Repeat as many times as you need.

Be kind and gentle to yourself. And remember that you deserve to have a happy and healthy life, as does your child.

least

I was feeling so good about being sober for 32 days now, and not having cravings anymore. Wham!! Out of nowhere this afternoon I started thinking about drinking!! Just one glass of wine!! So I started talking to myself (I was alone in my car and could talk to myself without being carried away!) and told myself that I CANNOT have "just one drink". I CANNOT throw away my sober time so far! I CANNOT wake up any more feeling like death warmed over. And in a few minutes the craving passed and I was still sober and happy about it.

I guess I'll always have some cravings - just have to remember what alcohol's done to me in the past, and it was never good. Feeling sick and anxious and ashamed - I don't need the aggravation! Live's enough of a challenge without tipping the odds against me.

So anytime you feel a craving, play the tape to the end and remind yourself what alcohol's done to you in the past and how you don't want to go back there.

You CAN do this! If a chronic relapser like me can make it this far, so can anyone!

:ghug

LogCabin

I'm so proud of you, Least!!!! Those moments do happen less and less with time. They come in the mind, and then exit again. However, no matter what...we can't get sloppy in our recovery as I have learned.

I made it 2.5 years...and then the thought came in that after all this time I could do it right. WRONG. I went right back to where I had left off. The good thing was that I wasted less time being wasted, and got help much faster. But I wish I had not slipped at all. It was all so ugly and stupid all over again. Never fun.

TryingSoHard

You are so right. Thank you for reminding me.

TryingSoHard

Well, amazingly enough, I have made it through tonight. Ok, technically tonight isn't over yet, but it ALMOST is and I feel much better now. There was no booze at bunco tonight (THANKFULLY) so that worked out very well.

No hangover for me tomorrow morning!!

Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and support. I really needed it today.

bostonluv

Thank you for posting this tonight Trying So Hard and also for Heavy, Least and Linday piping in and saying they were struggling also. I'm glad I wasn't alone in my urges tonight and hope we all made it through sober. I was really taken aback when I read that Day 3 journal about him trying to moderate. It got me. It started my mind thinking. I was also irritated that I tried an AA meeting the night before because they just seem to have the opposite effect on me and get me all pissy afterwards (my problem. Nothing wrong with AA). But I got in the car 6:30 PM and thought, I want a pint and no one will know and I deserve it and realized I was hanging with my toes over the edge again that I was very very close to making a bad decision. Sh*t. I drove around and met a friend for dinner and am okay now. 5 hours later. I hope this isn't the start of the bad cravings again but I can't let that fear rule my life. Made it to day 25 now.

Aysha