blessed4x

I've been reading for months and tried to post several times, hopefully I will finally be successful. I've been married to my AH 21 years, 4 incredible kids from age 16 to 4. I have learned so much from reading here, and Codependent No More, and recently having read Marriage On the Rocks. I've tried the ultimatums (which I've not been very good at following through on), counting the beer cans (which has resulted in a switch to hiding vodka), and have even consulted with an attorney. About the only way I know to describe how I feel is like running under water......I'm exerting a whole lot of energy and getting no where. I am looking forward to getting to know you all better, and giving and getting support along the way.

kermit

Welcome blessed4x, I'm kermit, I found this site when I was at my worst and it saved my life. I hope that you too will find the warmth that I did. I also started Allanon just after meeting the people here, It too is a great place to hear stories and to pull strengh from. We have all at one point been in your shoes, we are here for you. Take care and welcome!

Kermmie

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!!

Not claiming to be an expert, but they say boundaries are much better than ultimatums, and I'm sure someone can give you a good example of the difference. What it boils down to is taking care of yourself.

BohemiMamaof3

Hi and welcome!

blessed4x

Thanks for the welcomes! I do have so much to learn and have a friend who has offered to go to alanon with me. The excuse has always been 4 kids and all their activities, but I do think it should be a priority.

The saddest part for me is that we have always had such a trusting relationship, and recently I have that gut feeling I don't know him as well as I thought I did. You would think that after 21 years you would have a pretty good idea about someone you live with.....are they really that good at deceit?

endzoner

welcome to our home of SR .. make your self comfortable and stay as long as you like ... peace n serenity to you

nowinsituation

Yes they are. And for me it felt like a combination of getting hit by a ton of bricks and being sucker punched in the gut -- both at the same time. My AH and I had been married for 24 years; and all of a sudden I was wondering who he was?? Welcome to SR, I will second what many have already said, this place saved my life.

Time2Surrender

Welcome to SoberRecovery.

Lilyflower

Hello & welcome Blessedx4!

Take a read of the stickies if you haven't done so already, I think there is one on boundaries there. I hope you keep posting so we get to know you and you get to know us too!

SR is a great place, full of strength and courage and wisdom! I am on my recovery path and enjoying my life again, re-descovering me. I think that all change needs to begin in our lives is for us to be open minded and willing to try things differently. So you have the power to make the changes you want in your life to be a happier you, which I find empowering!

Let us know how you find al-anon, I have yet to go to a meeting but have recently found one I will hopefully go to soon once I sort out my babysitting! So it would be good to hear your experience,

Keep on posting! Peace and serenity to you :ghug3
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spiritual Seeker

EVEN THOUGH it is tough to put another activity on agenda with 4 kids, Al-non will be for you and ultimately for the kids.

If you stick with it, find a home group you are comfortable with, work the 12 steps through Al-anon, etc. you just might be amazed at your own growth + changes no matter what you AH is doing.

Welcome and many blessing as you begin your journey of change and discovery.

NeedHappiness

Welcome BlessedX4. This group of friends has also helped me through many difficult times too. Just by knowing you have support here and can talk, vent, cry, laugh or whatever your feelings may be, has meant the world to me.
We are glad you are here!!

member31986

I hate to say welcome as none of us chose to be here, but as you will see it really is a nice place to vent, ask opinions tell all etc. I too am married to AH 23 years, 2kids 18-going to college in a week and a d 14. Son knows of H's problem. He is a functional alcoholic, functions and trys to hide it. He was in rehab 17 years ago (son was1) and back then I believed he goes there and comes out healed. Needless to say it has been years of on again off again. He had been pretty good up until 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately he drove last night w/ my D and 2 of her firends (unknown to me that he had been drinking) until he came home...yes I flipped out...Mind you my daughter just thinks its because he had not eatten all day that he acted alittle weird (chitty chatty). He is almost 49, looks alot older, is overweight, red face etc. I don't need to go on about him but sometimes the fingers just start typing (getting out my frustration!!)

There is so much out there to read especially with this site and the internet. Everyone is right, take care of you. That is what I try to do...after all we have to be strong for our kids...

Welcome and hope this site helps, I am sure it will...

Peace

Worry ends where faith begins...

Lilyflower

I chose to be here. I may not have been aware of what I was choosing way back when, but I chose to be with people who were emtionally unavailable, abusive, addicted etc.

Then I chose to find help for him, and ultimately found help for myself. I chose SR, I chose recovery and I am eternally thankful that I did.

If I kept myself stuck in a place were I believed things just happened to me and it was out of my control, I would be assigning myself the role of the victim, stating that I am incapable of making better choices.

I try now to be more assertive in my life and aware that I always have choices around me. I may not like the options available, but there are always options. Now I feel like my life is happening the way I am stearing it, rather than my life is happening and pulling me along with it.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx