Hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: North Liberty, Indiana
Posts: 15
Hope
Been sober for 3 days in a row with the help of 3 meetings in 3 days (today I'll be 4 for 4). I've been serious about this for over 2 years now but have had 4 relaspes spaced about evenly apart. Wife, her 3 teenage kids, and my own 2 teenage kids have supported me and put up with my sh*t both during the sober periods and the relaspes. Until the last one, the wife and her kids have been gone for 4 days now with the bare minimum of any contact. My own 2 daughters are devistated as well but are supporting me. I'm working it now to make myself the man I know I can be. It's harder now without my wife's support and the kids company. I am done with my private pity party, just looking for anyone's insight or stories of hope and how to deal with it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
If going to meetings is keeping you sober, keep on going! For me, I relapsed over and over again. I never gave up on my effort to get sober and today is my 23rd sober day!
Never stop trying and do whatever you can to stay sober! The results are worth the effort!
:ghug3
Never stop trying and do whatever you can to stay sober! The results are worth the effort!
:ghug3
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Welcome to SR JD 
Congrats on your sober time.
Sometimes addiction can wear our loved ones down; I don't think we can really blame them as they too suffer from its consequences. Broken promises, baffling behaviour, you name it. They may get tired of propping us up, pushing our backs.
Try to recover for your own sake, and accept all the support they are able to offer you. You mentioned meetings... Alanon is an option for family members of alcoholics they might be willing to consider. Whatever the case, keep going, don't lose track of your goal. Hopefully, in the near future, they will be standing by your side again. Good luck, keep posting
Congrats on your sober time.Sometimes addiction can wear our loved ones down; I don't think we can really blame them as they too suffer from its consequences. Broken promises, baffling behaviour, you name it. They may get tired of propping us up, pushing our backs.
Try to recover for your own sake, and accept all the support they are able to offer you. You mentioned meetings... Alanon is an option for family members of alcoholics they might be willing to consider. Whatever the case, keep going, don't lose track of your goal. Hopefully, in the near future, they will be standing by your side again. Good luck, keep posting
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Congrats on the 3 days, you have started to take action, the program of AA is an action program, not an inaction program. Keep your eyes open for someone in the meetings you are going to that has what you want in sobriety, when you find that person ask them to be your temporary sponsor.
Lookk just to prepare you, you may ask some one and they may say no for numerous reasons, but you need to know that it is not a rejection of you as a person, it is a person being honest enough with them selfs and you that they are unable to be your temporary sponsor for any number of reasons. If they do say no ask them if there is any one they could suggest as a temporary sponsor.
If you are not sure what a sponsor is next meeting you go to grab a pamphlet on sponsorship, even better would be to bring up sponsorship as a topic for the meeting.
Lookk just to prepare you, you may ask some one and they may say no for numerous reasons, but you need to know that it is not a rejection of you as a person, it is a person being honest enough with them selfs and you that they are unable to be your temporary sponsor for any number of reasons. If they do say no ask them if there is any one they could suggest as a temporary sponsor.
If you are not sure what a sponsor is next meeting you go to grab a pamphlet on sponsorship, even better would be to bring up sponsorship as a topic for the meeting.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I am done with my private pity party, just looking for anyone's insight or stories of hope and how to deal with it.
I've shared this many times before on here, but I wanted to share it with you as well. I had relapsed soooo many times that a Nurse in the detox unit at a local hospital nicknamed me The Queen of Relapse. Don't let what some call a false start get you down. I did. I sat on the pity pot, feeling sorry for myself about anything and everything. I played the victim role for the 32 years that I used. Where did it get me? Right back out there getting high and drinking. The past is just that . . . the past. I know I learned certain things in each one of my brief times that I was Clean & Sober and I have taken these things with me into my Recovery today.
As far as your wife and kids leaving, I'm a firm believer that God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. One of the biggest differences in this time vs all of the others is that I threw myself deeply into my Recovery, especially in the beginning. I didn't just do the 90 meetings in 90 days . . . I went to more like 130, 140 meetings in the first 90 days. I had to work harder at my Recovery than I ever did. My life depended on it. But the most important thing for me was that I needed to start being completely honest with myself and others. I was so afraid if I completely opened up, no one would ever speak to me again. I soon found out that I wasn't that unique . . . others nodded in agreement when I finally began to share my feelings.
Just keep doing what you're doing, One Day at A Time. Don't worry about tomorrow until it becomes you today . . . Keep it Simple . . . Let Go & Let God and Keep Coming Back . . . It Works if You Work It!
God Bless,
Judy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi,
There is always hope!
I'm glad you found us, and please know that you can do this. You can recover and live a sober life. Allow your family time to see a change in you and that you are living your life differently. We do understand.
There is always hope!
I'm glad you found us, and please know that you can do this. You can recover and live a sober life. Allow your family time to see a change in you and that you are living your life differently. We do understand.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
have you suggested to your family members that they attend alanon or open aa meetings? it's their choice, of course.
respect their boundaries. it's the right thing to do.
hugs, and congrats on your sober days! k
respect their boundaries. it's the right thing to do.
hugs, and congrats on your sober days! k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: North Liberty, Indiana
Posts: 15
My personal THANKS to all. My wife started attended ALANON right after my relaspe before this one and made friends with a lady who she (wife) spoke very highly of. I am giving her the space and time she needs. This mornings meeting was a "pick a topic" meeting so I chose the 3rd step - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him - since it is the one that has stopped me in the past. I am so grateful for what I heard this morning, it really cleared up some of my miss conceptions of this step.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Like another poster said, there is always hope.
Have you been going to meetings early and helping set up and staying behind to help put things away?
I found doing this made me feel like part of the fellowship not just an attender.
Have you been going to meetings early and helping set up and staying behind to help put things away?
I found doing this made me feel like part of the fellowship not just an attender.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: North Liberty, Indiana
Posts: 15
Have you been going to meetings early and helping set up and staying behind to help put things away?
I found doing this made me feel like part of the fellowship not just an attender.
I stuck around at the end today to talk with another fellow and helped him with chairs and with the trashcans.
I found doing this made me feel like part of the fellowship not just an attender.
I stuck around at the end today to talk with another fellow and helped him with chairs and with the trashcans.
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