malihas

My husband now temporarily disabled due to his OD is living with his parents because i work and our home is not meeting his physical needs
his parents have brainwashed him against me (they are in denial) and tonight when i went over to see him he brought up something that really hurt me
he doubted whether i care truly or not and then when i broke down he quickly changed his words
he's 31 and honestly HONESTLY i don't see this as a REAL turning experience for him

all this while i was hanging in there despite all the backlash from his parents... but after my own husband brought it up, i am broken

i am contemplating a divorce because i truly do not see things changing for the better. i also don't know if this is normal with most addicts that have been to the brink of death and back
i know i can't make a decision overnight... but i am heartbroken. i feel misunderstood and while i have sought therapy for 2 years previously and understand how addiction is a family disease, no one in his family has ever seen a therapist (except my husband whom i dragged for a few times and he decided to stop going)

he's physically recovering and goes to dialysis 3-4 times a week... how do i even bring up a conversation like "should we let this go" with him now?
or should i? i am so tired and beat up. i want to pack up and get away from his family and him after tonight.

itisatruth

malihas, It sounds like you are in a difficult situation and I'm sorry you're hurting. Is it possible for you to get away for a bit just to give yourself a break? I'm not saying a permanent move, maybe just a short trip to visit friends or family. If that isn't possible, what about just staying away from your in-laws house for a while so you can have some time to think about things? If you did this, you could be honest with your husband of your current feelings and hopefully he will use the time to think about things too. Sounds like you have been through a lot already, take care.

krhea75

Wow, do you have a lot on your plate malihas! I feel for you although I'm not sure I understand. He's an addict and he's on dialysis? Whatever the case, take a night and sleep on it. Sometimes the answer comes with time and perspective.
krhea

laurie6781

You know what? For right now, give yourself permission to give up........................FOR NOW! You need to take some time away from him and his family.

Obviously you are still dealing with denial, not only his, but his family is enforcing it. So....................give yourself a BREAK.

You are entitled to one. It's okay. Go away for a few days if need be.....................To Padre Island (Hurricane Dolly) is gone now, or come over here next door to the Land of Enchantment, New Mexico, go to Albuquerque and go walk among the petrogylphs or Carlsbad, or even here in Las Cruces. All great areas to get a way from it all, do some reflection, hike in God's country and get a better perspective on WHAT YOU WANT, and WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.

You know you cannot FIX him. Whether this is his wake up call or not only HP knows. Now is the time for you more than ever to take care of YOU.

I don't know if you have tried Alanon, but now would be a good time. You will get local face to face support, which you desperately need. You have been in as great a hell as he has if not more so.

Also, please keep posting here, and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!

Love and hugs,

greeteachday

Wow, I'm sorry...it must be very, very difficult, Ny first thoughts on reading your post were similar to what has been said. It is pretty hard to make a clear decision in the throes of drama and stress. If you can get as much peaceful time away from the hurt and pain, you may find some clarity and know what is best. You don't have to make a life long decision today; just take care of your own needs and take it slow. Sending lots of hugs.