Motives
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Motives
The topic at my Al Anon meeting last night was motives. This was one of the readings we had:
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II ~ November 5
Sometimes what I do is less important than why I do it. For instance, if I choose to speak up when something bothers me, my motives for speaking will influence what I say and how I say it. If I speak because I feel it is the right action for me to take and because I have a need to express myself, then the focus is on me. The listener’s reactions become far less important.
But if I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results.
I may use exactly the same words in both situations, but I am likely to feel much better about the experience if my focus is on myself. Ironically, the results usually seem more favorable that way as well.
Today’s Reminder:
Today, instead of aiming only for the results, I will consider taking actions because they seem to be the right actions for me.
“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” – Martin Luther
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It was a great meeting and a really great topic. I have learned that if I am speaking from a place of FEAR then my motive is to protect myself or to keep myself from feeling pain. If I am speaking from a place of LOVE, then I can say what I have to say and (hopefully) let go of the outcome.
In my world lately, many conversations have been derailed because of motives. A question as simple as "did you fill up the gas tank?" can become a major battle when it could have been an easy "yes" or "no" thing.
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II ~ November 5
Sometimes what I do is less important than why I do it. For instance, if I choose to speak up when something bothers me, my motives for speaking will influence what I say and how I say it. If I speak because I feel it is the right action for me to take and because I have a need to express myself, then the focus is on me. The listener’s reactions become far less important.
But if I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results.
I may use exactly the same words in both situations, but I am likely to feel much better about the experience if my focus is on myself. Ironically, the results usually seem more favorable that way as well.
Today’s Reminder:
Today, instead of aiming only for the results, I will consider taking actions because they seem to be the right actions for me.
“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” – Martin Luther
===============
It was a great meeting and a really great topic. I have learned that if I am speaking from a place of FEAR then my motive is to protect myself or to keep myself from feeling pain. If I am speaking from a place of LOVE, then I can say what I have to say and (hopefully) let go of the outcome.
In my world lately, many conversations have been derailed because of motives. A question as simple as "did you fill up the gas tank?" can become a major battle when it could have been an easy "yes" or "no" thing.
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