four812

in other words, can i start "being stopped" again. can I start at being into recovery, healing, meditation, love and all that.

I used and drank last night....some nights I've been drinking to at least give me something to hang on to, but that just isn't helping. I've been batting about .500 when it comes to drinking as a tool to give me something else to do besides crack

so that wasn't a good idea. i've tried it before and it didn't work then either.

it pisses me off.....I wish I could be an alcholic and have my current crack problem just vanish.

that wouldn't be a solution, let alone a good solution.

I want to do anything I can to be NOT ME. I've tried this my whole life. I am unconsciously always trying to be NOT ME. look this way...own this car...watch this movie....eat food till I can't move or feel....say I doing OK when I want to die....and the fake smiling, I got a great fake smile.

so I'm starting again...i can't change everything else at once. but what needs to change. my thinking for one. what else is there besides my thinking?

just thinking out loud.....i'm going to stay sober and clean today, although the more I think about it the more that I want to drink right now.

Time2Surrender

You can do this. Trust me, if I can do this, anyone can.

IAintBeatYet

Hell yeah, you can start again. This isnt a contest. If you fall again, we'll be here to pick you right back up. We ain't going anywhere.

Tazman53

As long as you are alive you can start again, there is hope for everyone that still draws a breath and has not taken it to far.

Besides not drinking or using what are you doing to stay clean and sober?

Are you working a program?

Are you following all the suggestions of the program?

Recovery is like drinking or using, it is an all or nothing thing. It is like pregnancy, you are either pregnant or you are not pregnant, there is no such thing as "Kind of Pregnant."

Every program of recovery out there is geared to lead to one being sober, clean, and happy.

If you are working a program and following all of the suggestions and are still drinking or using it may be time to try another program and see if by following all of it's suggestions it works for you.

AA worked for me, that does not mean it works for everyone, that is why there are other programs. Now I doubt if AA would have worked for me if I had not followed all of the suggested program, it may have, but I doubt it for me. There are some folks in AA that have stayed sober not following all the suggestions, but I have a strong feeling that if they started drinking again they would be willing to follow more of the suggestions if not all of them to stay sober.

AA is not the only option, keep trying programs of your choosing, if you work them totally and they do not work try another one, do not give up, you will find one that works for you.

HeavyJ

I'm here for you, take baby steps, just say no, do some activity, anything to keep from usiong. Convince yourself it's easy to quit because you are stronger than these addictions. Look at the positive, stay clean today and count this as day one, then try your hardest to never look back....

Heavy

Anna

Ksplash,

Learning to like and love myself was the hugest hurdle I had to get over in order to recover. I had lived most of my life feeling the way that you are now and just being overwhelmed with sadness about my situation. But, you can shed all the parts of you that you no longer believe are relevant. And, with what is left, the core of you, you can begin to move forward.

pinkbecca88

of course you can start again- and dont give in, the addiction wants you to be weak

good luck

becca
x

22NGONE

You can do it, of course you can! There is someone who thinks you are perfect just the way you are, who loves you unconditionally and who will ease your load if only you will let Him. I find prayer very helpful when dealing with myself and my defects, I have bad days, we all do but I keep seeking guidance and strength and I receive it. You can do this and you are a good person as you were created and as you are today!

God Bless You,

John

four812

nice to read all of the responses and sugestions and support. I've had some drinking urges and they passes.

i recovered from alchol and pot back in 1992 and got 8 years clean and sober. was very involved and dependent upon AA. at the end of that stretch I fell into depression and woke up every day wanting to die and had thousands of moments each day that I lived in panic and hate of everything.....i drank again and then got involved with the crack...stopped and after some help in the hospital with the depression i improved....then for some reason I tried the crack again....and then got addicted for 3 years....and for the last 5 years I've been doing it and getting clean over and over. had some clean times of 1 or 3 months, a lot more of 2 to 3 weeks, and a lot more of 1 week to 10 days, and a lot of 3 days. it's getting old.

besides my thinking I need to see if i can find the light of focus. I need to focus on one thing....not using, not drinking, on "don't do it again". I need to focus on changing this one behavior....no matter what.

I need to also focus on staying away from things that will lead me to wanting to use....like not eating right, and unhealthy isolating.

even as I write this the focus is eroding and I think about using.

funny how it's all about me and my little world and my pain and my experience and my addiction and depression. well it's not funny, I mean that I'm noticing that right now.

"selfish self-centernedness, that is the root of our problem" has always been a memorable line in the book since I first heard it. there are some good things in that book. overall it just doesn't work for me anymore, and that's ok, but it doesn't hurt for me to remember some of the things that do make a lot of sense to me

time for me to get ready to leave work....

least

Try again, keep trying and putting forth your best effort til you get it right. I believe you can do this. It won't be easy but it can be done.

Aysha

Read my sig.
I would expect nothing more and nothing less.
Always keep trying. no matter what!
And like. T2S..If I can do it too.. Anyone can.

CarolD

For me ...

I had to want recovery
more than I wanted to drink

I do hope you too will reach that point..