Unbelieveable!
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 66
Unbelieveable!
I got a call from the ex...(my phone number hasn't changed over yet).
He tells me he's not in the hospital (I've told him only to call me when he checked into detox/rehab)
He tells me that he's been working (like this is supposed to make it better).
He tells me that he thought about checking in, but work has been keeping him busy, so he decided to go with that (nevermind that he gets a healthy disability check already)
But that's not the point, is it folks? THANK GOD FOR MY LEARNING FROM THIS BOARD BECAUSE...
I was cooler than a fan. When he told me that I just kept saying "That's your choice".
He went on about how sobriety was a rocky road, and he didn't know if he was ready for it, I'd reply "That's your choice. It's your life to do what you want with it".
He tested and tested with more comments and guilt trips. He said "Oh, it seems that you've pulled away, that you don't want me, or my addiction or my problems and all".
I said "I don't want your addiction. It has no place in my life. I choice sobriety and prosperity for my life, and if you choose addiction, that's sad, but it's your choice".
He pulled out the big guns with "Well, yeah, your're right. I'm the loser, you're the winner, so I guess we should go our separate ways"
I said "Wait a minute. I'm not letting you get away with that one. I loved you and I do hope I see you around at (the places that would let me know that he's in recovery). But if I don't see you, that's a shame, but it's your life to do what you want with it. I have to go on with mine".
He was like, okay, nice knowing you, have a nice life. I said the same and hung up.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS ARROGANCE AND DEFIANCE ABOUT IT!!! But more than that, I can't believe in spite of my inner grief, and wishes for him (I swear today, this afternoon, I thought if I had 3 wishes, one would be that he'd be cured of addiction forever, and he'd love me forever, and I'd have a billion dollars, hee hee)...in spite of all of my inner dreams and wishes, the REALITY is that I was able to stay detached, non-bitter, yet firm.
I was able to acknowledge that God gives us all free choice with our lives, and this is the life he wants, and it has no place in my life, and that's that.
I was able to just let go, and move forward, no drama necessary.
He tells me he's not in the hospital (I've told him only to call me when he checked into detox/rehab)
He tells me that he's been working (like this is supposed to make it better).
He tells me that he thought about checking in, but work has been keeping him busy, so he decided to go with that (nevermind that he gets a healthy disability check already)
But that's not the point, is it folks? THANK GOD FOR MY LEARNING FROM THIS BOARD BECAUSE...
I was cooler than a fan. When he told me that I just kept saying "That's your choice".
He went on about how sobriety was a rocky road, and he didn't know if he was ready for it, I'd reply "That's your choice. It's your life to do what you want with it".
He tested and tested with more comments and guilt trips. He said "Oh, it seems that you've pulled away, that you don't want me, or my addiction or my problems and all".
I said "I don't want your addiction. It has no place in my life. I choice sobriety and prosperity for my life, and if you choose addiction, that's sad, but it's your choice".
He pulled out the big guns with "Well, yeah, your're right. I'm the loser, you're the winner, so I guess we should go our separate ways"
I said "Wait a minute. I'm not letting you get away with that one. I loved you and I do hope I see you around at (the places that would let me know that he's in recovery). But if I don't see you, that's a shame, but it's your life to do what you want with it. I have to go on with mine".
He was like, okay, nice knowing you, have a nice life. I said the same and hung up.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS ARROGANCE AND DEFIANCE ABOUT IT!!! But more than that, I can't believe in spite of my inner grief, and wishes for him (I swear today, this afternoon, I thought if I had 3 wishes, one would be that he'd be cured of addiction forever, and he'd love me forever, and I'd have a billion dollars, hee hee)...in spite of all of my inner dreams and wishes, the REALITY is that I was able to stay detached, non-bitter, yet firm.
I was able to acknowledge that God gives us all free choice with our lives, and this is the life he wants, and it has no place in my life, and that's that.
I was able to just let go, and move forward, no drama necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
Good for you! Your post was very inspirational! And yes, if I had a dollar for every time my AH said, "Well, it must be nice to be so perfect." or "You think you're so perfect but these are the reasons you're not....." well I wouldn't be in the financial situation I am in now!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by OverItNow 
Good for you! Your post was very inspirational! And yes, if I had a dollar for every time my AH said, "Well, it must be nice to be so perfect." or "You think you're so perfect but these are the reasons you're not....." well I wouldn't be in the financial situation I am in now!
8
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
No, I can't believe the nerve--never could. It is the one thing that continues, no matter how many times it happens, to throw me for a major loop. But it is also astounding to me that many (most) of the A's have the same verbal/emotional abuse "scripts." You should me so proud of yourself for being able to detach from the situation--you sound like you're in a good place right now. Again, very inspirational!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MS
Posts: 16
He pulled out the big guns with "Well, yeah, your're right. I'm the loser, you're the winner, so I guess we should go our separate ways"
And believing all the promises even though everyone would tell me, are you sure, he's made promises before...
Oh yes, THIS time he did really sound sincere so i think it will work this time.
I'm so glad I have found this place.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Yeah, I heard that same blah, blah, blah. A's are very good at taking everyone else's inventory - except their own! When mine started telling me I needed anger management help, I needed this, I needed that, etc., I simply replied, "All I NEED is to keep MY BUSINESS on MY side of the street. Thanks for taking my inventory, but I'm just fine and dandy taking it myself."
End of discussion. And, yeah, their nerve is oftentimes beyond belief. At this point, I've seen enough outrageous behavior and heard enough outrageous accusations (lies, manipulations, you name it!), that I just tune him out or ignore him altogether.
End of discussion. And, yeah, their nerve is oftentimes beyond belief. At this point, I've seen enough outrageous behavior and heard enough outrageous accusations (lies, manipulations, you name it!), that I just tune him out or ignore him altogether.
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