ShantiShanti

Hi Everyone
I'm not new to AA, but I'm new to this forum and I'm starting allover again. I teach yoga full-time and lead a double life. One that is serene and full of joy, and then one that harbours this self-loathing that leads to drinking....and drinking....and drugs, and whatever it takes to move into oblivion. I've gone to AA but it hasn't worked for me...... I'm just looking for the support of people who understand. Obviously everyone here does!
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Namaste

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I led a double life and my 'outside' was so different from my 'inside' that I felt almost schizophrenic. One of the greatest gifts of recovery has been that I have now become the same people, outside and inside. I am defnitely still a work in progress, but I am feel so much more whole now.

I'm glad you found us!

least

I really understand the "double life" bit, only with me, both lives are in shambles. I am praying for the strength to knit them both back together and make one Better Life for me, without alcohol.

Rowan

Hi Shanti,

We recently met in blogs. I'm glad you made it over to us here in Newcomers. Welcome

HeavyJ

Hi Shanti! Welcome here. Everyone understands and is very supportive around here..

Heavy.

BUTTERFLY-7

I'm right in front of you today is day-3 for me


















cleaning after my mess

Emimily

hey shanti, welcome. i practice yoga, although i'm not nearly accomplished enough to teach. i love it, it's become one of the best things i've ever done for myself.

with that said, i've practiced while drinking, and i'm practiced sober. my sober practice is much much stronger - i almost held birds of paradise the other day!

glad you're here. namaste.

gypsytears

I posted to your blog too Shanti . Nice to meet you out here.

I hear you about AA and do understand about leading a double life. I felt that way being an outwardly good parent with a hidden 'dark side' when I was drinking.

Yoga teacher in training myself here ... I think we probably have a lot in common. I hope you stick around.

Congrats on day 2 BTW .

TTOSBT

Hi Shante,
Welcome!
I think women especially can relate to the double life. I, for one, am the soccer, full time employee and wife and when I am drinking, a sloppy drunk.
It feels SO good not to have to lie, hide and sneak around today.

ShantiShanti

Hi All!
Today, I woke up sober! yay!!
Today I remember what I did last night, and I'm not ashamed of any of it...in fact, dare I say instead I am proud??? I dont have to pick up the pieces of my broken relationship or call my good friends and apologize yet again. I don't have to lie in bed depressed all day, half crying, half too depressed to cry. I don't have to run the risk of losing my job that I love because I just won't show up.
Today I'm the creator of my day. I'm in the driver's seat.
Happy 24 everyone...hang in there.

gypsytears

Nice post Shanti... Happy for you .

miss communicat

Hi shanti and welcome

Me too. yoga teacher/drunk...led the double life for years. after teaching a wonderful healing yoga and sitting in meditation, for some reason, i'd be thirsty, and for some reason that thirst would be insatiable and for some reason, i'd drink waay lots of wine. pretty much every night.

come the dawn, i'd be up and on the mat, but very heavy, very melancholic. my worst posture was the one where i thought that i was spiritually fit to be a teacher. fraudasana...

i came back to aa almost 3 years ago, and i truly get it now. the principles and teachings are the same as the integral teachings in the vedas. as my avatar says, sobriety IS my yoga.

i deeply wish this for yuo, too.

sober yoga teachers rock!

tommyk

Hi.

FreeinMilwaukee

Hi Shanti. I know of the double life too. I am a happy, outgoing and productive worker during the week and a broken, depressed, hungover and lonely man on the weekends. Things worked for awhile but the two lives started to become one. Unfortunately, it was the broken, depressed and withdrawing self that spilled over into the good parts of my life. I just made it through my first weekend and actually started the week happy again. Yoga seems very interesting and it's been a desire of mine to learn more about it. Welcome.

CarolD

Good to know you are working on a fresh beginning.

Welcome to our recovery community

ShantiShanti

Hi FreeinMilwaukee and the rest of the gang . . .
I don't get too optimistic....because I've been here and gone back so many times..... but for today, I was successful. It's amazing...this self-destruction. Because I pick up when I'm feeling at my absolute BEST. Not the worst...... I'm used to feeling that. It's this need to self-sabotage when things are going incredibly well..... what's WITH that!
MissCommunicat. . . . I've been looking for some yogic perspective on sobriety. Would you email me?

sobergirl77

I also led a double life. One was happy-go-lucky, successful, cheerful friendly me who had "made it" in life. The other was a closet drunk who sought oblivion night after night in a bottle and who had started turning down social engagements in favor of staying home alone with the bottle keeping me company.

My first few weeks in the program (once I had started to feel physically better), I developed a third "me" - clean and sober and healthy and recovered. Heck, I was in AA meetings every night and making friends. I was doin' fine and dandy.

Ha! What a joke. I soon learned that after several relapses that I need to drop the facades and just "be". Now, I'm just "me" in meetings. If I have the shakes, I don't try and hide it. If I'm anxious or feeling sick, I admit it. I don't smile if I'm not happy. I allow some tears to escape if needed. (Although still having trouble with that one).

All in all, I don't know who I am, but I hope and pray to find out soon.

I wish and pray that we will all find a happy and sober life!

Tazman53

Welcome to SR ShantiShanti..... I have to ask out of simple good old fasioned curiosity, what does ShantiShanti mean?

I too led the double life, happy go lucky when out and about and sitting in my garage alone drinking myself silly every evening.

AA has proven to be the answer for me, not piecemeal though, the whole program has been not only my salvation, but has brought more freedom and joy into my life then I dreamed possible.

Welcome aboard SR, take it a day at a time and it will work out fine.

miss communicat

shanti = peace


"om shanti" is a typical closing in a gathering, meeting, prayer and is another way to say farewell when leaving. "om" is the root of the Latin "amen".