Startingover2

I have a 3 month old daughter with AH. There is a sticky at the top from when I posted about my fears when I was pregnant with her. Ah stopped drinking and came back and we were great.....for awhile. He is now back to drinking and its getting worse. He is a weekend binge drinker and just has a couple during the week.

In the last month of his binges we will get in fights because of it and I will not let him hold the baby when he is drinking. He becomes angry. One time he punched a hole in the wall and last weekend he threw me up against the wall with the baby in my arms. He also has 2 cuts on his face from when he fell two different times last weekend and doesn't remember a thing.

I posted about calling 911 on him as well as he drives completely intoxicated.

How do I protect my daughter? Unless I can prove he is an alcoholic he will get joint custody. I would rather die than let that happen.

sadandhopeless

Please just call 911 each and every time he is drunk. Eventually they will take him away and this is documentation for the courts for when you go for custody. Take your baby and leave. Go to friends, family shelter. I am really worried about the baby and you. He has no right to do this. If you have to call 911 three times in one day then do so. You keep calling and eventually they will take him away and you need to press charges and just get him out of your life. The whole I don't remember just means he is blacking out and this man should not be a father. he can not protect his child from himself let alone the world. your baby does not deserve this. Please make a step t leave him. And you are so right in not allowing him to hold the baby when he is drinking - that is you protecting your child which he is unable to do. If he drives drunk, memorize the License Plate numbers and call it in to your local police. I have done this a few times to my AH and he lost his license but he no longer drives drunk becuase he knows I will not hesitate to call. After you do it the first time - you no longer feel like you are making the situation worse or are going to make him angry. Do this for your baby and for the family that is out driving home from dinner - they do not deserve to die because your AH choses to drink and drive.

I am so sorry for you. I am the biggest codependent out there, but I will not tolerate him hurting innocent people driving drunk. I have been married a few years and refuse to have children (though i want to me a mom more then anything) becuase it is not the right environment for a child - the child does not have a choice, but you do.

I hope you keep your baby and your self safe from your AH. You and the baby deserve more. Live for yourself and your child now NOT HIM.

I am so sorry to ramble on. It got really sad when I read your post. No child or woman should be abused EVER.

i will pray you are both safe.

sadandhopeless

Please feel free to email me at anytime. I forgot to say it is a great first step by posting your feelings and what was going on.

FormerDoormat

See my thread "Pre-incident Indicators of Spousal Abuse" posted today with you and your child's safety in mind.

Barbara52

Please contact your local woman's shelter and get out before this escalates any further! Please take care o fyourself and your little one.

i4getsm

I would NOT assume that he will get joint custody. Contact a lawyer so that you know your rights. Most of the first consultations are free. Praying you don't have to go that route, but if he's violent now with your child in your arms, the best thing to do is find safety immediately. (((HUGS)))

lizw

We always think the worst of ourselves and that the worse will happen, I assume your AH has been telling you this too.

I sponsor a woman in real life who is in the process of leaving her AH and he is trying every trick in the book and the abuse has certainly become more creative. AH's have a degree in manipulation.

But I tell you, people who are not in your situation can see your situation clearly. Say you leave and have to go to court about the child 's custody and AH turns up with injuries from drinking, it's a bit hard to deny one has a drinking problem, when one looks like they have a drinking problem. Results have a funny one of speaking for themselves.

I don't know if you're a 12 stepper, and I don't claim to be an expert on god's will (3rd step) but what I can tell you it is not gods will for yourself and your child to live in an abusive situation. Get out of there!

:praying

Rella927

Please check out FD's thread it is very Informative.

Please keep you and your baby safe! Should you stay in that
house and he becomes violent again call the police! They will document
this situation and when the arrive will see that he is drunk.

IMHO I would not stay in that home as the physical abuse is already reached
a very bad point.

When we are in a situation such as this we are too busy thinking of ways to get
them to not abuse-or how we can get them to be noticed by others that they
are drinking and abusing, when we should really be thinking about how to keep
our child and ourselves safe.

I did not have a child however my animals (same as a child not able to protect themselves) were thrown into walls, left outside (blind dog) and I was shoved into walls
pulled down stairs backwards on my back-grabbed, punched...the list goes on....I tried to think of "If I do not do this then things will be fine..." "If I do this then things will be ok...." "IF I can catch him doing this then I can prove this" I finally realized one day almost when it was too late and was almost killed on foot by a moving car hitting me that I need to PROTECT ME and forget about trying to keep the peace!

Please call 911 if you need to that is what they are there for....and keep that baby and you safe!

historyteach

You AND your child are in danger.
Will you wait until one of you are hurt or dead before action is taking?
Remember, it *may* not be you taking the action!
And if you take it, you have more control over what happens to the baby. And you.

Good luck. Get out while you can.
I'm sorry to be blunt, but, I spent years working with women's shelters.
You are in a no win situation.
Take action while you can.

Shalom!

CarolD

In the front of my local phone book is a number to
call for domestic violence situations.
Please look in yours and ask for assistance.

You are years away from needing to be worried
about joint custody. The immediate issue is the
danger to you and your baby.

And that is a today thing...the continuing abuse.

Prayers for your clarity as you escape violence.