About me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
About me
My AH "relapsed" again a few nights ago. I really have a tough time rationalizing what the right thing to do is. We have 2 kids. He drinks about every 3 weeks. He'll usually wait till the kids are asleep and often, after I've gone to sleep, and drink a bunch of vodka till he's drunk/blind/whatever. The kids don't know about his problem. We all go to counseling, and we are going to tell the oldest (11) soon. I struggle with whether or not to burden him with the news when he doesn't see AH drunk.
Otherwise, AH manages a good job. He's an executive and his boss thinks he is terrific. By all other accounts, he's very responsible. If I have any major complaint, it's the period of self-righteousness he exhibits when he's a dry drunk.
Until I knew more about dry drunkenness, I took his words personally. Now I take them with a grain of salt. Every once in a while I'll toss him a dose of reality, but otherwise, such is life. His is really more in the form of joining in the right-wing rhetoric, like talking about not approving of the gay lifestyle, or immigration resentments, or people on welfare, or democrats, or whatever. Basically, grabs the latest headlines and uses them to expound on any type of resentments he's stewing on. I don't think gays are really waiting on his approval, and I really don't think many gays would approve of his drinking either, so what's all this approval business anyway? Always comparisons being made. His deal, not mine.
My part is, he relapsed and my world didn't change a bit. His sponsor emailed me and wanted to know why he hadn't heard from AH. I told him he relapsed. Other than that, I pretty much didn't change a thing. Didn't go into it with him, it's his deal. I suspect, from his general attitude, that he feels remorseful. But that is his deal. He can work his program or not. I'll continue one way or the other. My life is not going to hinge on his recovery or not. As my counselor says, this is a progressive disease. When it's time to leave, I'll know it and won't want to stay one minute more. I'm not there yet. But I have faith that when I get there, I will be okay.
Oh yea, I think the word "relapse" in my AH's case is the wrong word. He chugs every 3 weeks, period, or if he's out of town. There is no break to relapse from.
Otherwise, AH manages a good job. He's an executive and his boss thinks he is terrific. By all other accounts, he's very responsible. If I have any major complaint, it's the period of self-righteousness he exhibits when he's a dry drunk.
Until I knew more about dry drunkenness, I took his words personally. Now I take them with a grain of salt. Every once in a while I'll toss him a dose of reality, but otherwise, such is life. His is really more in the form of joining in the right-wing rhetoric, like talking about not approving of the gay lifestyle, or immigration resentments, or people on welfare, or democrats, or whatever. Basically, grabs the latest headlines and uses them to expound on any type of resentments he's stewing on. I don't think gays are really waiting on his approval, and I really don't think many gays would approve of his drinking either, so what's all this approval business anyway? Always comparisons being made. His deal, not mine.
My part is, he relapsed and my world didn't change a bit. His sponsor emailed me and wanted to know why he hadn't heard from AH. I told him he relapsed. Other than that, I pretty much didn't change a thing. Didn't go into it with him, it's his deal. I suspect, from his general attitude, that he feels remorseful. But that is his deal. He can work his program or not. I'll continue one way or the other. My life is not going to hinge on his recovery or not. As my counselor says, this is a progressive disease. When it's time to leave, I'll know it and won't want to stay one minute more. I'm not there yet. But I have faith that when I get there, I will be okay.
Oh yea, I think the word "relapse" in my AH's case is the wrong word. He chugs every 3 weeks, period, or if he's out of town. There is no break to relapse from.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 211
It sounds like you are doing a good job with detaching.
My situation was a bit similar in that my children were unaware of my X's habits. He traveled a lot and didn't interact when he was using--most of it was after we were all in bed.
For me, I decided I wanted to feel hope that I would someday have a real, loving relationship and that my children wouldn't grow up thinking that married people were just "business partners."
I'm impressed by your description of your ability to detach, but hope you realize you deserve love and connectedness in your primary relationship.
:ghug3
My situation was a bit similar in that my children were unaware of my X's habits. He traveled a lot and didn't interact when he was using--most of it was after we were all in bed.
For me, I decided I wanted to feel hope that I would someday have a real, loving relationship and that my children wouldn't grow up thinking that married people were just "business partners."
I'm impressed by your description of your ability to detach, but hope you realize you deserve love and connectedness in your primary relationship.
:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
