Daddio

Hey everyone. A happy and glorious Saturday to all. I just returned from Best Buy and am listening to my new Best of the Blues 3-CD set that I bought. Pretty cool tunes.

I have been thinking about some stuff of late and I want share that with you. When I was a kid and took my first drink, it wasn't influenced by the loss of a job, the suicide of a family member or the death of parent. No tradgedies, I just wanted to have a beer. As most of you know that progressed into a boat load of booze over the years.

Fast forward to now. I am going on two years sober and have no desire to drink. I think about it, have a great wine collection and a stocked bar, but I don't do it. Heck, I'm even a BARTENDER! And I love my job. Have I had pain in my life over the last few years. You're dang straight I have. But did I use it as an excuse to go back to the bottle? NO! Could I have used those events as an excuse to pick up? You betcha!

So why didn't I? Perhaps my resolve to stay sober is stronger than those tempatations. Or is it that excuses aren't the reason (for me?) to drink. I wonder then why so many of us use every event in life as an excuse to pick up. And I don't even mean just negative events.

There is a wedding, the restaurant, a golf tourney, a camping trip, a beach trip. The SO is out of town. The electricity just got cut. My child just whatever. My parents this or my boss that. ........

I could fill gigabytes of SR server space with excuses that I have heard. And I'm not just talking about us here at SR. It's everywhere. I mean, why are everyday life occurences triggers to use? Did drinking cause the debt or did debt cause us to drink? Those triggers didn't start it in the first place, so why are they now used? Is it some sort of justification for our actions? Instead of just saying: "Hey, (insert expletive) I drank some hootch today". Why does it seem that that statement is typically preceeded with: "(Pick any excuse and insert here) so I drank today". And with that excuse did it just become OK that I did that.

Am I thinking to shallow on this topic? Or am I missing something? I certainly don't want to minimize anyone's pain either. I just sometimes wonder.

Thanks for your time. Y'all have a great weekend.

Aysha

I know what you mean.
I never started using for any other reason but to see what it was like.
Never really starting using excuses until many years into my addiction.
But that was when I felt I needed to validate my use.
Like you said.
I got to where it was becoming a real big problem. But I didnt want to let go of it.
So out came the bag of tricks.
And bottom line for me is.
I WANTED to use. I never once had any good dam excuse to use.
Not a good reason or a bad one.
It was just simply...I WANTED to.
But as an addict validation makes it much easier sometimes.
There was and never will be a time I can honesly say I NEED to use.
Great post.
Recovery can be confusing at times. I find some things double standard alot.
But one thing I do know.
I DONT HAVE to use for any reason.
ANd I DONT WANT to.
Thanks for the post.

Anna

I think you're right Daddio.

There was a time when I drank for any and every reason. I couldn't imagine getting through any issue, good or bad, without a drink.

Now, it's not an option so, I deal with things differently.

Dee74

I get what you're saying - I'm fond of the expression 'my trigger was breathing'...and I get now that there are no excuses for drinking.

That doesn't negate the fact I started my serious drinking career due to a lot of sadness and heartbreak. Wish now it were different but there ya go. Your experience was different and that's fine too.

I'm wary of speaking for anyone else.

That there's no excuse good enough to drink is a truth that has to be discovered individually IMO and I don't think less of anyone who hasn't reached that point in their journey yet

D

Hevyn

It's a very interesting question you pose, Dad. I'm like Dee - a painful period in my life caused me to intensify my drinking. I would always comfort myself by looking at what I was going through & saying, "Aww, no wonder you drink..." However, one day I was being brutally honest about my drinking history and I realized that when everything was beautiful in my world, I drank very heavily then too. Planned a trip to Europe - a dream come true - drank the whole time, drank on the plane there, drank everything I could get my hands on the whole 2 wks. - why? That was one of the happiest times of my life - why did I feel the need to numb myself to enhance the experience? Maybe some of us have the need to stifle our emotions, both good & bad feelings - & if so, we need to find out why that is. Are we afraid of feeling anything at all? Deep, Daddio.

jodyjody

Wow, everyone here has really spoken the truth and made wonderful points. I always popped extra pills when I had an excuse. So if I found myself without one I would create one. Whether it was being extra bitchy to my husband to bait him into an argument or opening a few bills I really was avoiding, that would overwhelm me. Heck, I could even make myself feel back pain (and I mean really feel something that wasn't there...at least not severe enough to take 15 pills).
I could focus on the fact that I miss my dad so much and justify doing the exact same thing that killed him.
We are so smart, it's stupid.
Thanks, Daddio, for making me reflect on these things.

gravity

Thanks for the thought provoking posts everyone. Really made me reflect on how I got to where I am today.

This is really simplifying things but the progression of my drinking was:

-Drinking to fit in, to feel good, to do fun & crazy things - could take it or leave it (I think)
-Finding reasons to drink – sporting events, concerts, holidays, friends in town, fishing trips, camping, let loose at the end of the work week, etc.
-In addition to the above, inventing or creating additional reasons to drink – lonely, start a fight with my wife, to socialize with clients, only way to relieve stress, etc. (lying to myself)
-Pure obsession – didn’t need a reason, just needed to get drunk - could not envision a life without alcohol

At the end, my biggest trigger wasn’t so much a person, place, or thing – it was a state of mind, the obsession completely overwhelming me. The damage I was causing, the risks I was taking, the obvious signs – all out the window once the obsession kicked in.

One of the major motivators that keeps me working hard on my sobriety is fear.

I am an alcoholic. I know what will happen if I drink, I know that I will cause such hurt to my loved ones, I know that I risk losing everything – but what if one day, the obsession returns & I just don’t care? I know that there is absolutely no good reason for an alcoholic to drink but at the end, I didn’t need a reason.

flgirl

Daddio,

I read and reread your post several times. I wanted to be sure that I understood what you were saying. I do agree that that many people need no excuse to pick up, or use any excuse to do so, but having said that, I will also say that there are certain events in people's lives that cause them to want to numb things, thoughts or feelings. It doesn't make it right or healthy, but the role that these things play in our alcoholism should not be ignored. I guess what I am saying is that there must be many reasons why we do what we do or have done. I think that it's wonderful that you have such a strong resolve...it would be great if we could all have that strength. BTW...the cruise control thing is working very well for me and I thank you for that! I am so gonna get nailed for a speeding ticket one of these days!!

PaperDolls

Chi really said how I feel about it.

I don't think I have an excuse.
My only excuse i me. Part of my personality is to blame me becaue I don't want to put if off on anyone else. It's all me.

Klynn33

I have a ton of reasons why I started using.........but you're right, everyone has problems and stress in their life, they don't all choose to go out and get wasted because of them. I think when I went through what I did - I needed a way to avoid dealing with it - because I was certain that I couldn't. That plan didn't help me out much - just gave me twice as much to deal with.

and the what came first comment........I agree. I remember my mother going into councelling and us kids being forced to go to this one meeting. where the therapist told us that mom's problems were due to our fathers drinking. To which we looked at each other and said, ummmm...are you sure dad's drinking isn't because of mom?
We were always divided on who was to blame in that situation.

there will always be an excuse, a reason to use/drink, a justification. (I've used all of them) there's never going to be a "perfect quit day".

MnStar

I spent years trying to figure out why I drank. I finally discovered why.....I had a disease called alcoholism. The excuses were just that, excuses. If things were going great, I drank to celebrate. If things were going bad, I drank to console myself.

Today I look for excuses to be happy and not drink.

PaperDolls

This threat caught my eye again
No, we need no excuse.
Period.

I can't believe how long I've been thinking about the same stuff. So far, none of it has changed on it's own. I think may be I might have to make a move here.