thisisnotmylife

My AH and I were trying to figure out why we fight so much. Most of all of my husbands issues are caused from fear. He has fear of not knowing what to say to people, fear of reject, fear of everything.

How does he ever get over this fear? How do I deal with his fear causing so many problems in our everyday life? Has anyone gone through simialr issues of overcoming fear??

itisatruth

Fear/dealing with fears was the "topic" at my alanon meeting last night. I am still fairly new to it, but I have never seen as many people pass on sharing as I did last night. Fear seems to be a challenging thing to deal with for many, me included.

Although I shared about my fears and how I let them control my life, I don't yet know any other way. I fear so many things it drives me crazy sometimes.

I'm working on it......

One lady who is going through a serious crisis mentioned this: Fear = false expectations appearing real. (I think that's it--I've seen it here too) I must admit, I am still working on "getting" this idea, but I think the important thing she said, was to live in the "now" and not try to predict the future and turn things over to our HP.

Others echoed this idea of living in the moment, one day at a time, one minute at a time and realizing that we cannot control life.

At the end of the meeting, a friend told me I was already taking steps to deal with my fears......by being there.

Thanks for bringing this up ---looking forward to more input.

kay1234

Well that is one smart lady...expectations gets us into a lot of trouble. It is hard to live one day at a time. Sometimes you do have to take one minute at a time. But, the realization that we can’t control life is huge. We can't and don't have any control over what another person does, we just have to turn it over to our HP and pray...Because things will eventually turn out just the way that they are supposed to.

thisisnotmylife

Lack of control is a big problem for me. I am a bit of a control freak. I am trying to learn better to count on my higher power but I am also impatient.

Jody Hepler

FEAR - forgetting everything is all right

Two ways to handle FEAR:
F*#* everything and run
Face everything and recover

Fear for me is basically being afraid I'm going to lose what I have or not get what I want.

And if I have done step 3, and turned my life over to the care of my Higher Power, well I need to let go of the fear, because He is in charge. I just need to suit up and show up and report for duty. Fear for me can be paralyzing.

What I need to do when I am living in fear is to take little baby steps with some action.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler