Still struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Still struggling
I can't believe myself sometimes . . . I know the right things to do, but I still get caught up in my son's craziness. (Is AS - adult son or addict son or something else?)
It dawned on me if I weren't alive I wouldn't answer the phone when my son calls to tell me he has no place to sleep and is hungry. But yet here I am carrying my cell in my palm in case he calls. The conversation is the same, I have no money to give you and no idea who you can call or where you can stay.
When I suggest getting into an in patient treatment program or using a homeless shelter that might provide some transitional assistance with jobs, he says 1. he isn't using and 2. he can't go to a homeless shelter.
I called a Narnon contact and asked if they'd pick me up for a meeting tonight. I usually go to Alanon on Friday night. I went to the Naranon meeting once, most everyone there (small group) was a parent of an addict. But it was really depressing so I didn't go back. But I figure it would be good to get out of the apt. and turn off my phone for a while tonight. Instead of sitting here alone, reading this site and crying.
I'm glad you're all here and offer so much of your ES&H, it is great. Wish me luck at Naranon.
Thanks,
Joan
:codiepolice Where are these guys - I really need them!
It dawned on me if I weren't alive I wouldn't answer the phone when my son calls to tell me he has no place to sleep and is hungry. But yet here I am carrying my cell in my palm in case he calls. The conversation is the same, I have no money to give you and no idea who you can call or where you can stay.
When I suggest getting into an in patient treatment program or using a homeless shelter that might provide some transitional assistance with jobs, he says 1. he isn't using and 2. he can't go to a homeless shelter.
I called a Narnon contact and asked if they'd pick me up for a meeting tonight. I usually go to Alanon on Friday night. I went to the Naranon meeting once, most everyone there (small group) was a parent of an addict. But it was really depressing so I didn't go back. But I figure it would be good to get out of the apt. and turn off my phone for a while tonight. Instead of sitting here alone, reading this site and crying.
I'm glad you're all here and offer so much of your ES&H, it is great. Wish me luck at Naranon.
Thanks,
Joan
:codiepolice Where are these guys - I really need them!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Good Luck JMF~~You'll do fine. The hardest thing sometimes is just walking in the door. I wish we had a Naranon meeting close to me. I did go to a NA meeting and cried the whole time I was there. Soooo many of the addicts there taught me so much about enabling. When their clean and straight they all agree that their parents were their biggest enablers... Oh my~~~I had made so many mistakes in the past years. I'm now trying as hard as I can to not enable anymore. My son doesn't even complain to me about anything. Of course~~I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. I just need a break and he has to do LIFE on his own terms in his own way. It's so hard so my heart is with you right now...I hope your having a somewhat enjoyable evening. Smiles, Bonnie
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
My heart goes out to you, I hope your son can figure his crap out soon and you all can get back to living. For now try to concentrate on you and do some things to keep your mind off his problems.
Hugs and prayers
Hugs and prayers
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I hope your meeting is good tonight. If you find this particular group too depressing, maybe try another. My home group is mostly all parents, but the nicest thing about it is the laughter. Yes, we can laugh and it feels great to have that sense of serenity, be surrounded in love and comfort and even get a chance to smile. We've shared tears too, but the laughter...it is just terrific.
Prayers for you and your son. The times of real struggle are when I remind myself "just for today"
Prayers for you and your son. The times of real struggle are when I remind myself "just for today"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hey JMF~~~~How was the meeting last night?? Hope you enjoyed it a little. It's always great to have support and face to face is probably the best..I have to get back to Alanon soon here. I'm loosing my grip a bit. I wish someone would take the worry chip outta my brain!!!!! Have a good one, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Hey JMF, I hope you went to your meeting and it was a good one...It is so hard when it is your kids I think. My husband is a recovering alcoholic he has been clean for 8 years now, but that is nothing compared to my son going through this horrible disease...I think for me it was the whole I am the mom and I should be able to fix this...I can't fix this, he needs to fix this, all I can do is pray that he makes the right choices. It is an everyday struggle...Hugs and Prayers go out to you and all moms...:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
I made it to the Naranon meeting!
The lady who was picking me up almost drove right by as I was walking to the corner, thankfully she looped around.
The meeting was really good, I heard some great stories of ES & H, I felt a union with the group members as they described the bad they've been through and where they are today.
We got to talk about a homeless shelter that they recommended. I passed the info on to my AS, he wasn't thrilled, but it made me feel good having the info.
Thank you for all of your encouragement and prayers, I really appreciate it.
Joan
The meeting was really good, I heard some great stories of ES & H, I felt a union with the group members as they described the bad they've been through and where they are today.
We got to talk about a homeless shelter that they recommended. I passed the info on to my AS, he wasn't thrilled, but it made me feel good having the info.
Thank you for all of your encouragement and prayers, I really appreciate it.
Joan
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
I am so glad you felt good about the meeting. My Naranon/Alanon meetings were the only thing that kept me going. They laughed with me and cried with me. They had their stories to share, which gave me hope. And mostly they just really, really understood.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
I understand the "Still Struggling" fight.
We all are. Even those who might have been here for awhile still have times they fight this.
Don't be so hard on yourself or frustrated because you don't think you are getting it "right". You are working at it so good for you.
I am learning to accept that I guess I always will struggle with what I am supposed to do as a mom and how does that compare with what I'm supposed to do as a mom of an addict.
When you wrote:
[It dawned on me if I weren't alive I wouldn't answer the phone when my son calls to tell me he has no place to sleep and is hungry.]
It struck a deep chord within me. I remember feeling that so well. And again not too long ago actually. It shook me up because I thought I had come farther at detaching and that feeling definitely didn't feel like I had gotten very far in detaching. It made me see how close I can be to falling back into that deep pit of hopelessness. Especially when all those ideas and thoughts are running in my head again with ideas about what could be done so that all of my sons problems could be better and the "what ifs" so circling.
But when I read it in your post I realized how that same feeling came about for me.
If I wasn't here my pain would go away. But also if I wasn't here I couldn't make any more mistakes. And I wouldn't be tempted to "help" and maybe he would have to "get it" on his own.
But most importantly was I would escape the pain.
But the fact that I felt like if I wasn't here I couldn't affect the problem, tells me I still think I have control over it good or bad!
SIGH
This recovery on our side goes through relapses and set backs just as theirs does. And I just try to learn from them the best I can.
BUT,
as for you... please be easier on yourself. you are new to this, and struggling with it all is part of the process.
NOTHING
compares to the love you have for your child, and the pain you feel when they are in danger.
So take care of yourself, and let your HP hold you and take away the pain and anxiety when it gets to be too much. Give it up to him to deal with for a while.
:praying
Cathy
We all are. Even those who might have been here for awhile still have times they fight this.
Don't be so hard on yourself or frustrated because you don't think you are getting it "right". You are working at it so good for you.
I am learning to accept that I guess I always will struggle with what I am supposed to do as a mom and how does that compare with what I'm supposed to do as a mom of an addict.
When you wrote:
[It dawned on me if I weren't alive I wouldn't answer the phone when my son calls to tell me he has no place to sleep and is hungry.]
It struck a deep chord within me. I remember feeling that so well. And again not too long ago actually. It shook me up because I thought I had come farther at detaching and that feeling definitely didn't feel like I had gotten very far in detaching. It made me see how close I can be to falling back into that deep pit of hopelessness. Especially when all those ideas and thoughts are running in my head again with ideas about what could be done so that all of my sons problems could be better and the "what ifs" so circling.
But when I read it in your post I realized how that same feeling came about for me.
If I wasn't here my pain would go away. But also if I wasn't here I couldn't make any more mistakes. And I wouldn't be tempted to "help" and maybe he would have to "get it" on his own.
But most importantly was I would escape the pain.
But the fact that I felt like if I wasn't here I couldn't affect the problem, tells me I still think I have control over it good or bad!
SIGH
This recovery on our side goes through relapses and set backs just as theirs does. And I just try to learn from them the best I can.
BUT,
as for you... please be easier on yourself. you are new to this, and struggling with it all is part of the process.
NOTHING
compares to the love you have for your child, and the pain you feel when they are in danger.
So take care of yourself, and let your HP hold you and take away the pain and anxiety when it gets to be too much. Give it up to him to deal with for a while.
:praying
Cathy
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