A Friend in Need (Slightly OT)
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
A Friend in Need (Slightly OT)
I know a married couple I've posted about them on the alcohol board. They are both raging alcoholics. They also have 3 beautiful children (ages 4 to 10.)
Long story short. He gets home from work around 4, drinks until he passes out (usually around 6pm,) then goes to bed. She will drink too, I think to cope. She'll go to bed later and if she wakes him up, he'll beat her.
He beats her on other occasions too. We've seen her with black eyes, bruises, etc. Her father has gotten an apartment all set up for her, gotten the movers set up, then at the last minute, she backs out.
She was thinking of AA for herself, but won't go alone. She's afraid to go alone. My husband has offered to go with her, just as a friend. He called the night she was to go and tell her he was on his way. She was wasted and told him, "I don't need that ****."
She called the police once when she was beaten, but when they got there she refused to press charges. His parents refuse to see that anything is wrong with him, even though he can't stand up most of the time, gets aggressive with everyone and hits on all women who come into contact with him. Their solution was to buy him a house. They are set to move in here in another 2 weeks.
It's just another "reason" why she can't leave. "But, what about the house?"
It's been an ongoing cycle for many years.
Well, my husband and I got call a few nights ago from her. He pushed her and hit her in front of the kids. She called the police. She pressed charges.
He's on probation for his 4th DUI so this will not look good for him.
He's on a 72 hour "no contact" order.
It's a step. I'm proud of her. But, she needs to help herself too. Just asking for some good thoughts on this. I'm glad she took this step. My husband and I thought the only solution to this might be one or both ending up in an early grave.
Thank you for listening.
Long story short. He gets home from work around 4, drinks until he passes out (usually around 6pm,) then goes to bed. She will drink too, I think to cope. She'll go to bed later and if she wakes him up, he'll beat her.
He beats her on other occasions too. We've seen her with black eyes, bruises, etc. Her father has gotten an apartment all set up for her, gotten the movers set up, then at the last minute, she backs out.
She was thinking of AA for herself, but won't go alone. She's afraid to go alone. My husband has offered to go with her, just as a friend. He called the night she was to go and tell her he was on his way. She was wasted and told him, "I don't need that ****."
She called the police once when she was beaten, but when they got there she refused to press charges. His parents refuse to see that anything is wrong with him, even though he can't stand up most of the time, gets aggressive with everyone and hits on all women who come into contact with him. Their solution was to buy him a house. They are set to move in here in another 2 weeks.
It's just another "reason" why she can't leave. "But, what about the house?"
It's been an ongoing cycle for many years.
Well, my husband and I got call a few nights ago from her. He pushed her and hit her in front of the kids. She called the police. She pressed charges.
He's on probation for his 4th DUI so this will not look good for him.
He's on a 72 hour "no contact" order.
It's a step. I'm proud of her. But, she needs to help herself too. Just asking for some good thoughts on this. I'm glad she took this step. My husband and I thought the only solution to this might be one or both ending up in an early grave.
Thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
As I read your post, I couldn't stop thinking about those children. It is a form of abuse for children to be around that. So, I'm glad she finally called.
Now that the law is involved, I hope "it" will protect them, even if their mother doesn't follow through with what she needs to do. But, I pray she does. I pray for them all.
Its a good sign that she took this step, even though it took the kids being around for her to do it. It is such a scary cycle. Maybe this will be enough time for her to see things more clearly.
Back when I had called the police on my ex, I needed a lot of support from my family. Dealing with the abuse was hard enough, but I was overwhelmed with dealing with things like filing for restraining and custody orders. My family was great and I was put in touch with a woman's advocacy group that helped me quite a bit.
Thanks for sharing ZW. I wish there was an easy answer for her, but I'm glad she has you to call.
Now that the law is involved, I hope "it" will protect them, even if their mother doesn't follow through with what she needs to do. But, I pray she does. I pray for them all.
Its a good sign that she took this step, even though it took the kids being around for her to do it. It is such a scary cycle. Maybe this will be enough time for her to see things more clearly.
Back when I had called the police on my ex, I needed a lot of support from my family. Dealing with the abuse was hard enough, but I was overwhelmed with dealing with things like filing for restraining and custody orders. My family was great and I was put in touch with a woman's advocacy group that helped me quite a bit.
Thanks for sharing ZW. I wish there was an easy answer for her, but I'm glad she has you to call.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I am so sorry for those children too, they have no choice. I do hope that whatever happens, there will now be an interest in keeping those kids safe. glad your friend took that first steps and prayers that it is the first of many baby steps towards creating a new way to live.
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
I feel for those kids... I hope she sticks by it this time and if she doesnt and lets him back home I hope someone steps up for those kids and at least file a report against the parents.
Hugs,
Jewel
Hugs,
Jewel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Heya Zombie-
Sounds like some progress for your friend and her kids hopefully.
One thing you could do is just hand her the local tel. number to AA and tell her to call and say she "needs a 12th step call." Then just let it go. Some 12th stepper will call her back and she'll either accept an offer of a coffee or a meeting or not, her decision. My mom did that one day for my dad. He kept it in the little box on his dresser. It took him over 7 years to call that number but one day he did, and HE changed HIS life.
Prayers for you, your friend and her children:praying
Peace,
B
Sounds like some progress for your friend and her kids hopefully.
One thing you could do is just hand her the local tel. number to AA and tell her to call and say she "needs a 12th step call." Then just let it go. Some 12th stepper will call her back and she'll either accept an offer of a coffee or a meeting or not, her decision. My mom did that one day for my dad. He kept it in the little box on his dresser. It took him over 7 years to call that number but one day he did, and HE changed HIS life.
Prayers for you, your friend and her children:praying
Peace,
B
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