A Person With An Addiction Is Not An Addict
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A Person With An Addiction Is Not An Addict
This was posted in my local newspaper. My apologies if it is already posted here. I cried when I first read this article, I thought it was absolutely beautiful and really 'humanized' the problem.
A person with an addiction is so much more than a drug addict, they are family members, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, friends, and they have so many good qualities. When we call them 'addicts' - why would they want to get clean? We're basically saying that the only way to identify you is an 'addict' and you're nothing more than this one issue. Saying a "person with an addiction" admits that yes, you do have an addiction, but I haven't forgotten that you are so much more than that.
Maybe it's a little difference, but it really touched me and I remembered to let my family member know that I see so much more in him than 'just an addict'.
A person with an addiction is so much more than a drug addict, they are family members, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, friends, and they have so many good qualities. When we call them 'addicts' - why would they want to get clean? We're basically saying that the only way to identify you is an 'addict' and you're nothing more than this one issue. Saying a "person with an addiction" admits that yes, you do have an addiction, but I haven't forgotten that you are so much more than that.
Maybe it's a little difference, but it really touched me and I remembered to let my family member know that I see so much more in him than 'just an addict'.
A 'PERSON WITH AN ADDICTION' IS NOT AN 'ADDICT'
At the Gathering 2008, Dr. R. King spoke of his work with our youth addiction treatment centre near Sussex, know as Portage.
I was impressed by one comment in particular. He said we should not use the word "addict" to refer to a "person with an addiction."
His point being that they are much more than their addictions and addressing them as such takes away their identity as a person.
I had just finished my address, having used the word "addict" in such a context. Lesson learned.
Before speaking to the gathering, I had called John to ask him what I needed to share on his and other "persons with addictions" behalf.
I often do this. John is my mentor. As a "person with an addiction," John has the ability to express what he sees in his own mind.
His message was simple and clear.
"Tell them," he said, "that the first thing I had to do, in order to beat my addictions, was to get out of my mind."
Speaking from years of conditioning where his mind had been taught to think of himself as an addict, as a loser and as someone who could never amount to anything, he was indeed being very literal when he referred to having to get out of "his mind."
His norm was not the one you and I may have experienced and because of that past, his norm was fraught with negatives at all levels.
Hope did not exist. Family could not be supportive. Life, as he knew it, was all about failings.
As an adult, suddenly, he was expected to bypass a lifetime of negative conditioning and become healed overnight. How unrealistic is that?
Yet we hear and see people with these expectations everywhere.
John's life at 44 could be described in a rather negative nutshell. Addicted at age 12, born into a troubled family, he remained homeless for many years.
All forms of addiction had become his norm: smoking, sex, drugs, alcohol and gambling. His additions were complicated by mood swings he thought were best managed by street drugs.
You might say he had the full gambit of what could go wrong in a life, and he exemplified them all.
By 47, John has a small window of positives. He has recognized that he cannot solve his issues alone, has reached out for help from an AA group and he uses native spiritual practices in a sweat lodge to help cleanse his body, mind and spirit.
Is he cured? No. Nor will he ever be cured.
His condition will be managed, with a great deal of support and encouragement. He will fall every once in awhile and he will stand back up and fight. At this time he is fighting a new bout of gambling.
Yet, in his short years of success, he has been keeping a full-time job, with issues being worked out through several supporters.
He is, as we speak, "a person with an addiction."
His ability to understand himself has grown a great deal. His ability to understand his work environment is now also growing but, like most of us, he will never be free from all negative influences.
For John, whose favourite expression is "Of my God" when he cannot believe what others do around him, his journey will include working with power trippers, some selfish and ego-centric persons who like to take others down, as well as those who help him.
His battle will be no different than ours: he will have to see them as persons with problems, just as we need to see him as "a person with an addiction."
How can we learn to see people as people, no matter what their problems?
First, we must find the flaws in ourselves. Then we may appreciate just how human we all are.
At the Gathering 2008, Dr. R. King spoke of his work with our youth addiction treatment centre near Sussex, know as Portage.
I was impressed by one comment in particular. He said we should not use the word "addict" to refer to a "person with an addiction."
His point being that they are much more than their addictions and addressing them as such takes away their identity as a person.
I had just finished my address, having used the word "addict" in such a context. Lesson learned.
Before speaking to the gathering, I had called John to ask him what I needed to share on his and other "persons with addictions" behalf.
I often do this. John is my mentor. As a "person with an addiction," John has the ability to express what he sees in his own mind.
His message was simple and clear.
"Tell them," he said, "that the first thing I had to do, in order to beat my addictions, was to get out of my mind."
Speaking from years of conditioning where his mind had been taught to think of himself as an addict, as a loser and as someone who could never amount to anything, he was indeed being very literal when he referred to having to get out of "his mind."
His norm was not the one you and I may have experienced and because of that past, his norm was fraught with negatives at all levels.
Hope did not exist. Family could not be supportive. Life, as he knew it, was all about failings.
As an adult, suddenly, he was expected to bypass a lifetime of negative conditioning and become healed overnight. How unrealistic is that?
Yet we hear and see people with these expectations everywhere.
John's life at 44 could be described in a rather negative nutshell. Addicted at age 12, born into a troubled family, he remained homeless for many years.
All forms of addiction had become his norm: smoking, sex, drugs, alcohol and gambling. His additions were complicated by mood swings he thought were best managed by street drugs.
You might say he had the full gambit of what could go wrong in a life, and he exemplified them all.
By 47, John has a small window of positives. He has recognized that he cannot solve his issues alone, has reached out for help from an AA group and he uses native spiritual practices in a sweat lodge to help cleanse his body, mind and spirit.
Is he cured? No. Nor will he ever be cured.
His condition will be managed, with a great deal of support and encouragement. He will fall every once in awhile and he will stand back up and fight. At this time he is fighting a new bout of gambling.
Yet, in his short years of success, he has been keeping a full-time job, with issues being worked out through several supporters.
He is, as we speak, "a person with an addiction."
His ability to understand himself has grown a great deal. His ability to understand his work environment is now also growing but, like most of us, he will never be free from all negative influences.
For John, whose favourite expression is "Of my God" when he cannot believe what others do around him, his journey will include working with power trippers, some selfish and ego-centric persons who like to take others down, as well as those who help him.
His battle will be no different than ours: he will have to see them as persons with problems, just as we need to see him as "a person with an addiction."
How can we learn to see people as people, no matter what their problems?
First, we must find the flaws in ourselves. Then we may appreciate just how human we all are.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
That's a really good article. Although I call myself an RA (recovering addict), I agree that we are so much more than our addiction. Unfortunately, it's very hard for anyone to SEE that when we are active.
I STILL find myself being really hard on myself for the things I did, but I'm trying to forgive myself and move on...progress, not perfection, right?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I STILL find myself being really hard on myself for the things I did, but I'm trying to forgive myself and move on...progress, not perfection, right?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Fort Myers, FL
Posts: 161
I do see the value for the person with the addiction, in not labeling them as an addict, per se. But at this stage in my recovery, I'm finding it necessary to look back on my ex's hurtful behaviors toward me and say to myself, Karen, she's an addict. Or when my boss's pot-smoking brother messes up another job at work, it helps me now to say, he's an addict. I've been ignorant of the dynamics of addict's behaviors, and when coupled with my own codependence, I have some denial to break through. I'm an addict. I'm sorry, this brings tears to my eyes...
My problem is not seeing the goodness of the other person. I've got that down pat. My challenge is to see and accept the disease and its effects. It seems like the label addict is helping me, for the moment, get through a difficult reality check.
My problem is not seeing the goodness of the other person. I've got that down pat. My challenge is to see and accept the disease and its effects. It seems like the label addict is helping me, for the moment, get through a difficult reality check.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
I am intrigued by this article because it is so completely in conflict with itself. How can one suggest it is dehumanizing to call somebody an addict, but not realize that its more dehumanizing to tell someone they may never be cured. Anyone who meets a few simple conditions can be cured from any addiction or dependency. Simply removing the use of the substance or the dependency is a good start. However, the vacuum which is left must be filled immediately by a program of actions to correct the underlying conditions which caused the person to become dependent. Unfortunately, most addicts and dependents never get the opportunity to solve their real, underlying condition because of the vast ignorance surrounding what addiction and dependency really are. Drugs, alcohol, and all other dependent behaviors are the symptoms of an underlying problem. A good therapist can help you get down to the problem so you can fix it, but only if you are willing to get TOTALLY honest.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
Just in case anyone wants to do some reading that will help them begin their process of becoming well, I highly recommend "The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure" by Chris Prentiss. In it you will read the story of how Chris's son overcame a deadly heroine addiction. He tells about how an addict ceases to be an addict once their problem is corrected. Removing the dependency is just the beginning. I am not an addict because I am not addicted to anything anymore. I am solving my underlying problem through a program of actions that I have been taking in my life. I have no desire to drink or use drugs, and have been free of those desires for over three years. I know that I will never want to return to drugs or alcohol for relief, because they never gave me what I really wanted anyway. I only know that now, after much work and honestly facing myself with the help of other healthy people.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by JohnPainter 
Anyone who meets a few simple conditions can be cured from any addiction or dependency.
I have known people to be sober and working a program for over 15 years and they believe they are cured...no more desires to drink etc...and stopped working their program. Within a month they were once again using and they pick up exactly where they left off. I know this may not be true for everyone, but I don't think that a person is ever cured I believe that they can control it if they do the work and want it bad enough. That is just my opinion...
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Virginia , US
Posts: 98
Heres my take at the this current moment in time. Im sure once I learn more that maybe my veiws will change. Addict is a label , yes. But from what Ive seen from my addict is , addict to me means all the selfish , self gratifing behavior , lies , manupilations ... So to me I will call him an addict , this is who he is right now. He cannot love or take care of anything in his life due to his first and only love at the moment. If I take a piece of paper and right down the good things about him and the bad , I will come up with mostly bad things. This is all becuase he is an addict. Dosnt mean at one time he wasnt a good person with great traits and quailites all those things have been taken over by the addiction. Dosnt mean that I dont love him . If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. I can however see where people /addict might not like that label. Or be senstive about it. Its like seeing yourself for who you are. I did however respect the article and maybe even learned some more compassion from it. Thats one of the things I have been working on is compassion for the addict. Its vary hard thow. I just keep going back to the at one time he did have a choice. I still feel like he has a choice , if not then there would not be people in recovery today.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I never liked labels of any kind, with me or my daughter. With her learning disabilities she was stupid, ********, slow and that 'labeled' her self worth early. I have always hated the word addict just because of the value society places on it--I used to wish she were "only an alcoholic"--how sick is that.
The more into my recovery I learn we all have faults, problems, addicitions, sins as we all are human. Plus, we can all change in some way.
I liked the article! thanks
susan
The more into my recovery I learn we all have faults, problems, addicitions, sins as we all are human. Plus, we can all change in some way.
I liked the article! thanks
susan
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I find myself feeling pity for someone I see on the street that is obviously an active addict. I hope to remedy that one day because pity is not a good thing either. Maybe I feel pity for them but i know it's for their family too. I wouldn't wish addiction on my worst enemy. (maybe just a trip down the steps hehehe)
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Join Date: May 2008
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JohnPainter, writing about "... never being cured" made me think of a discussion that I had with a loved one. They don't 'believe' in addiction and they feel addiction is something self-inflicted that is your own fault.
I then suggested that diabetes not be considered a disease. You may consider Type 1 (I believe...) diabetes 'self inflicted' as it is often related to obesity. I think of addiction in a similar way. Some types of diabetes run in the family, like addictions. Some types of diabetes are preventable by avoiding certain foods and eating healthy. Addictions can be avoided if you never take a drink or use a substance. I drink socially but am in no way an alcoholic. Honestly, I have a hard time blaming alcoholics for their problem because I, myself drink - Im just lucky enough that there's no 'switch' in my brain to turn on alcoholism. Back to my point. In the way that some types of diabetes can be managed by avoiding sugar, abusers can manage their problem by avoiding substances. Diabetics will 'never be cured' and neither will people with drug/alcohol addictions.
However, I would never call someone a 'diabetic' (edit: my mistake, of course, I would say they are diabetic, but I would not refer to them as ONLY "my brother, the diabetic") and blame them for contracting this horrible disease. I would not buy them cheesecake for dessert, or take them somewhere where they cannot avoid sugary/dangerous foods. Same for a person with an addiction. Over time, diabetics may learn to cut down in other areas to enjoy a cookie or fruit. Possibly people with addictions can learn to have one beer.
My point is, there's so much more to a person than an "addict". Even if their addictive personality impacts every part of their life, I believe that their true selves are hiding deep down inside. They don't lose that wonderful personality that they once had, they just can't find it because they are blinded. If everyone says, "oh, there's my drug addict brother", he's not going to see any reason to get better. He's not going to remember the wonderful person that he was and everyone wants him to be. I have no problem pointing out htat yes, you have a drug addiction, and I'm going to watch you like a hawk. But I'm still going to love you as my little brother and not forget that yes, you are an awesome person deep down inside.
I then suggested that diabetes not be considered a disease. You may consider Type 1 (I believe...) diabetes 'self inflicted' as it is often related to obesity. I think of addiction in a similar way. Some types of diabetes run in the family, like addictions. Some types of diabetes are preventable by avoiding certain foods and eating healthy. Addictions can be avoided if you never take a drink or use a substance. I drink socially but am in no way an alcoholic. Honestly, I have a hard time blaming alcoholics for their problem because I, myself drink - Im just lucky enough that there's no 'switch' in my brain to turn on alcoholism. Back to my point. In the way that some types of diabetes can be managed by avoiding sugar, abusers can manage their problem by avoiding substances. Diabetics will 'never be cured' and neither will people with drug/alcohol addictions.
However, I would never call someone a 'diabetic' (edit: my mistake, of course, I would say they are diabetic, but I would not refer to them as ONLY "my brother, the diabetic") and blame them for contracting this horrible disease. I would not buy them cheesecake for dessert, or take them somewhere where they cannot avoid sugary/dangerous foods. Same for a person with an addiction. Over time, diabetics may learn to cut down in other areas to enjoy a cookie or fruit. Possibly people with addictions can learn to have one beer.
My point is, there's so much more to a person than an "addict". Even if their addictive personality impacts every part of their life, I believe that their true selves are hiding deep down inside. They don't lose that wonderful personality that they once had, they just can't find it because they are blinded. If everyone says, "oh, there's my drug addict brother", he's not going to see any reason to get better. He's not going to remember the wonderful person that he was and everyone wants him to be. I have no problem pointing out htat yes, you have a drug addiction, and I'm going to watch you like a hawk. But I'm still going to love you as my little brother and not forget that yes, you are an awesome person deep down inside.
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I hate being labeled an "addict." Addiction is still stigmatized today and I find it a bit too much to remind myself of this fact day after day. I believe that addiction can be cured and after a period of clean time one is free from addiction. I don't like AA philosophy of "hanging on one day at a time."
tib
tib
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Ok - responding here just as another poster (and not as a moderator)...
I find I can't agree with this statement. Although I have not drank since 1983, I found that discovering my alcoholism, and the personality traits associated with addiction has been a real boon in helping me understand the part of me that is very much LIKE those I meet in program.
Things I thought made me "unique", I find displayed in those around me at meetings... struggling with delayed gratification.... being self-involved... low self-esteem... feeling not "part-of"...
Once I attributed some of those traits to the condition of addiction, it helped me accept them in myself so that I can work on the effects of these attributes.
I am still an addict. I may well continue to discover thing/substances/activities that I tend to "overdo". Even though I gave up drinking 20+ years ago.
Label me an addict... it helps define why I am the way I am and helps me keep my awareness up.... so that I can not fall into the trap of believing I am "cured".
PS - I did not use a program to get sober, but have since abused percoset, gambling, food and exercise since I gave up drinking.
I am not an addict because I am not addicted to anything anymore.
Things I thought made me "unique", I find displayed in those around me at meetings... struggling with delayed gratification.... being self-involved... low self-esteem... feeling not "part-of"...
Once I attributed some of those traits to the condition of addiction, it helped me accept them in myself so that I can work on the effects of these attributes.
I am still an addict. I may well continue to discover thing/substances/activities that I tend to "overdo". Even though I gave up drinking 20+ years ago.
Label me an addict... it helps define why I am the way I am and helps me keep my awareness up.... so that I can not fall into the trap of believing I am "cured".
PS - I did not use a program to get sober, but have since abused percoset, gambling, food and exercise since I gave up drinking.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
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Originally Posted by awakeawake
The term "addict" is derogatory... I know my wife feels terrible when she is referred to as an "addict.” I hear her w/that one, and will not be referring to her as an addict anymore. She is a person- we all are- with or without addictions and/or other illnesses. We don’t refer to someone w/cancer as a “cancer-ite” (or something similar), and for those w/diabetes, it might even be more appropriate to say “He or She is diabetic – not a diabetic.”
Last thing to consider … isn’t it inappropriate to call those w/an overeating problem “fat?”
Last thing to consider … isn’t it inappropriate to call those w/an overeating problem “fat?”
I don't call myself an 'addict', "FOR ME" it is not healthy.
When I was in treatment for my ed, they made us stop calling each
other anorexics, or bulimics.... I learned there "I" am not an
eating disorder, just like I am not a "Number"....
I used to only relate to myself as an anorexic or I'd come to known
myself as an eating disorder, not a person anymore.....
That's just me... I hate being labeled...
But to each their own, whatever works...
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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Originally Posted by JohnPainter
I am intrigued by this article because it is so completely in conflict with itself. How can one suggest it is dehumanizing to call somebody an addict, but not realize that its more dehumanizing to tell someone they may never be cured.
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Wow. Really interesting post, and some really insightful replies.
When I first read the origional post I felt like i couldn't agree more with what had been said, but reading the replies I guess I'm a little ambivalent.
I also actually dont find being called an 'addict' derogatory or offensive, personally, unless I feel the person calling me that actually believes that is all there is to me. My friend has called me an 'addict' and the first time she did this I actually felt relieved because (although she wasn't saying this to excuse my actions) I felt through using the word (which had been a bit of a taboo between us) she was accepting why I had acted in some pretty odd ways -in her eyes. She still held me responsible, but through addressing me as an 'addict' I knew she'd finally accepted that I have an addiction.
I only get irritated or angry at people who refer to me as an 'addict' in a way which implies that, yeah, that is everything i am. But in that sense a person would most likely get angry at someone calling them a 'women' like that is all they are, or like that excuses their behaviours or qualifies their opinion etc.
-Ponders- Still thinking this over. Noticing contradictions and potential short falls in what I've said, myself, too...but still, really great post and I hope what I mean comes across lol.
Thanks guys!
When I first read the origional post I felt like i couldn't agree more with what had been said, but reading the replies I guess I'm a little ambivalent.
I also actually dont find being called an 'addict' derogatory or offensive, personally, unless I feel the person calling me that actually believes that is all there is to me. My friend has called me an 'addict' and the first time she did this I actually felt relieved because (although she wasn't saying this to excuse my actions) I felt through using the word (which had been a bit of a taboo between us) she was accepting why I had acted in some pretty odd ways -in her eyes. She still held me responsible, but through addressing me as an 'addict' I knew she'd finally accepted that I have an addiction.
I only get irritated or angry at people who refer to me as an 'addict' in a way which implies that, yeah, that is everything i am. But in that sense a person would most likely get angry at someone calling them a 'women' like that is all they are, or like that excuses their behaviours or qualifies their opinion etc.
-Ponders- Still thinking this over. Noticing contradictions and potential short falls in what I've said, myself, too...but still, really great post and I hope what I mean comes across lol.
Thanks guys!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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Originally Posted by bigsister1982
A person with an addiction is so much more than a drug addict, they are family members, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, friends, and they have so many good qualities.
Trouble here, we co-dependents tend to focus on the good buried underneath that active addiction. And tolerate the most inhumane and abusive behavior in the process, in some cases merely because of the shame associated with the others addiction. More shameful and dehumanizing to ignore the addiction to spare the feelings of the active addict.
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