bandolier

I have not visited this site for a long time......not much has changed. My AS is now 21, has moved two states away and continues to call for money...never calls for any other reason. He is supposedly employed full time, living with his girlfriend and her mentally ill mother. He pays no rent etc. left this state with a suspended lisence, jumped probation and drug court but suddenly 8 months later needs insurence on his car. Called grandma with this story a week ago and she sent $250.00....is now calling again...same story with the addition of he had to use that money for something else! Distance has made it kind of easier to deal with but..not really. I have 3 sons, all unique and wonderful, all 3 are outstanding, caring, young men but this middle one is lost. I am afraid every day that I will get a call that he has died alone, far from anyone who cares about him. I just DO NOT understand why...in his mind...the rest of the family should work hard and then...send HIM money. I have been dealing with this child's addiction for about 6 years now and I continue to be completely stunned by the addict thought process!!!

peaceteach

Welcome back, Band. As you know, you only have control over what YOU will accept or not accept, whether you will decide to send money or not send money. Sadly, you do not have control over grandma, huh? Perhaps if you can try to tell her the simple message that says sometimes we postpone their "rock bottom" in our attempts to help them (with money) when what really needs to happen is to just let go? I've heard it said here that if we are not careful, by enabling our addicts we might just "love them right into their graves."