headstrong13

Hi all, well today was my second al-anon meeting. It's different. I'm still not quite sure if it's for me or not. I think I may try heading to an AA meeting with my husband. This is not to say one is better than the other.. Because I have not a clue. I just want to be sure what I'm going into. It's a bit odd for me to be sitting in a room with mainly old..er ladies, when I'm only 28, going on 29 years old. I recall when my husband went to his first two AA meetings, and he came home with a lists of names & phone numbers. In Alanon (at least the two I went too) don't do that. I'm ready to go into the pool, not just dabble my toes in the water. I want to start doing the steps, with a sponser. I've been more then ready for sometime, it just took me this long to finally surcome (spelling?) to doing it. I want to get the ball rolling, not just sit and do nothing, I've been doing that for far too long already. I've been reading the AA big book (I call it the big blue book lol), and I did buy some Alanon books too. Both are interesting & I find I can relate to both. Although I'm not an alcholic, I am an addict in the sense of my husband being one. I've been with his since age 12/13, so it's been many years of knowing this dieses but not truly KNOWING IT until the past year of his being sober.

So I don't know what to do.. Should I just stick with the alanon meetings, or try going to AA meetings?

Did anyone else feel this way, is it common?

Thanks for hearing me out~ LC

Bernadette

Hiya headstrong--
Well you could continue to give that meeting another few chances - those ol' ladies may have a lot of experience to share....or you could "shop around" for a meeting with a different personality. I went to several different meetings over a couple months before I found 2 that really felt right to me....I wasliving in NYC at the time I started AlAnon and I had many to choose from.

You should go to an AA meeting if you want - they are pretty interesting too. But to recover from codependency you should give ALAnon a real shot. I found it all very strange and "not for me" at first, but I just kept following directions and ultimately it really turned my head around in a positive way... I have to say I also benefitted as much from individual therapy, especially cognitive behavior therapy....

Good Luck! Also there may be other group therapy type recovery groups - keep looking around--
Peace,
B.

Spiritual Seeker

Get an al-anon mtg. list for your area. Try different mtgs. to decide which one you think you fit in best with. Once you do that if you keep going back and have a home mtg.
you just might understand, " that it works if you work it. "

headstrong13

Thanks guys, I have meeting lists & all of that. I also have a lot of help from my hubby & his network of support. They are extreamly helpful for me. I spoke to someone who told me try both & see which I feel more "me" going to. I understand I can't get out of the co-depent role without alanon, thus regardless I will keep going, even if I don't feel it's my speed. I've already done a lot of work on my own, that helps & I do read both alanon book & the big book of AA, each night. Which helps too.

Thanks again

cem001

Keep going to the Al-Anon meetings. I am 38 and have been attending for 3.5 years now, but they work. You need what they have for the most part, serenity. Most of my group is in the "older" range, but they have some much wisdom and experience that it's just what I need.

My sponsor has me going to 2 open AA meetings a week as well.

Kindeyes

Perhaps you will bring a new dimension to the groups you attend. Maybe there have been other younger people who have been turned off because it's just a bunch of older ladies. Maybe...just maybe.....your presence will help another younger person comfortable in the group. Just some thoughts.

The older ladies have a lot of experience to share with you. They will understand recovery, relapse, behavior patterns and all that goes on with this disease. They will be a wealth of information. But it does take time to get comfortable in that type of situation. Keep going back and keep reading. You sound like you are truly committed to your own recovery. Your husband is very lucky to have such a loving partner.

gentle hugs

Candygirl

Cognitive behavioral therapy is really helpful for anxiety and depression. My cbt group lasted 16-weeks and helped me more than I ever imagined it would. I still use the TEA form exercise daily just to keep my anxieties under control.

lizw

I met them all in AA as I started attending meetings when I was 19. Anyone over the age of 30 was old to me then. I would call myself old these days as I am over 30 now too. : )

I started attending Al Anon when I was 4/5 years sober and I found it REALLY different to AA. In AA I found people tripping over themselves to help me, in Al Anon I could come and go as I pleased and people only talked to me when I started the conversations and/or asked for help.

I think in Al Anon, I have been left to 'decide for myself' what's good for me and what's not (outside the basics of getting a sober, working the steps etc...) Being a codie I found this really hard, and still have times of struggling with it, but in hindsight it was probably the best thing for me since I am so good at arranging everyone elses lives.

I know at my Al Anon meetings I attend they suggest attending 6 meetings as close together as possible, then you will have an idea if Al Anon can help you. I flagged this idea, I just went and kept going, I had no other option avail to me. So I been going for 5 years now and assume I will be going till the day I die unless they bring out some kind of pill that makes one 'un codependent'. Lol.