Gmoney

May 23

Amends and sponsors

“We want to be free of our guilt, but we don’t wish to do so at the expense of anyone else”

Let’s face it: Most of us left trails of destruction in our wakes and harmed anyone who got in our way. Some of the people we hurt most in our addiction were the people we loved most. In an effort to purge ourselves of the guilt we feel for what we’ve done, we may be tempted to share with our loved ones, in gruesome detail, things that are better left unsaid. Such disclosures could do much harm and may do little good.

The Ninth Step is not about easing our guilty consciences; it’s about taking responsibility for the wrongs we’ve done. In working our Eighth and Ninth Steps, we should seek the guidance of our sponsor and amend our wrongs in a manner that won’t cause us to owe more amends. We are not just seeking freedom from remorse—we are seeking freedom from our defects. We never again want to inflict harm on our loved ones. One way to insure that we do not is by working the Ninth Step responsibly, checking our motives, and discussing with our sponsor the particular amends we plan to make before we make them.


Just for today: I wish to accept responsibility for my actions. Before making any amends, I will talk with my sponsor.



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Paulie

And for me, even with some time clean I still run amends past my sponsor. Not daily stuff, not stuff that happens in my daily life because I am not perfect LOL but big stuff. Example, a few months back I was doing some journaling and all this old stuff came up about an old bf that I had really hurt and I talked to my sponsor about it, told her the story and asked what her advice on the best way to make amends to this man. She said to me 'are you on that step"? LMAO....umm no I think I was on my 2nd step at the time, but I have done the steps a few times in the past!!!!!!! But I trust her and I understand that when I get to my 9th this time around, I will do some work around that wreckage from that old relationship and through her guidance and the guidance of my HP I will know the best way to make amends.

That is how my recovery works today.

Africa Life

As time passes I get a tiny snippets of an idea of the effect that my addiction has had on my family. The impact my life has had on their lives. They pulled away from me and when i came into recovery I expected things to be all fixed by 6 months. Well much later I am starting to get that they might be seeing me as a human being again.

Its a big thing to be in recovery and I know that if I wasnt working my programme I would never be as far as I am developmentally.

There are parts of myself that I cannot see, that are apparent to the people around me and I guess that is why it is called recovery and not a cure. If I thought I was cured purely because I am not using then I guess that my family would still be suffering my twisted thinking and irrational behaviours.

To be sure the best amends I can make is by working my programme and trying my hardest. I know and trust this and am gratefull that there is a method to fixing some of what went wrong during those years that I was chasing a dream but creating a mess instead.

I just have to forgive myself for this.

Thank you for letting me share.