Tryin2Recover

Hello everyone I have recently started my fourth step and i am wondering if anyone here can share some experience strength or hope on how they did this step. I kinda just started writing down resentments and things I or others have done that bothered or still bother me and its all really random and has no structure to it, and most of it is just a few words or a sentence on the issue at hand. My sponsor says there really is no wrong way to go about it as long as im honest and thourough. Im really wondering did you guys like write a paragraph narrative form? Or like bullet points for specific instances? How into detail did you go on each instance? Did it have any kind of order to it? Chronologically? Person by person? Any comments or criticisms are welcome, I need help with this step and my sponsor told me to ask other addicts and alcoholics how they went about doing it and to try and find a way i feel most comfortable with. Thanks in advance.

ANGELINA243

Honesty is key--first and foremost. I am currently working on my 4th step as well. I am working it out of the NA workbook. The main thing for me is just to start writing--get it all out on paper...however it comes out. If you want to do it in a particular order--as far as names--thats fine--whatever works best for you. The only "wrong way" to do it is to simply not do it. Good luck! You'll do just fine--just be honest with yourself and your feelings (no reservations) and you'll be okay. :ghug3

Time2Surrender

Thats not good. Your sponsors only obligation is to guide you through the steps. Not to send you seeking advice from others on how to get through them. Personally I dont think the workbook is for newcomers. Get through the steps. ASAP. Then come back and do the workbook. The workbook is great. Problem with the workbook for newcomers is they often get stuck or overwelmed with it and never complete the book or the steps. Often sooner or later relapsing. I recently sat down with my sponsor and went through the first 8 steps in 3 or 4 hours. The way they did it before there was a step guide workbook. The old fashioned way.

REZ

NA has a fourth step working guide for people who want more guidance. I have done several 4th steps. Honesty is important, obviously, but also perceptiveness. By this I mean don't just write down every bad thing youo did, but try to look for patterns of thought and behavior. Also ask the deeper questions. For example:

I stole (many examples for me). I hurt other people and organizations. I hurt myself. Why did I steal? Did I need the stuff? No. Did I steal to get drugs? Sometimes. Was stealing all about ego, excitement, getting away with something, the thrill of stealing? Yes.

Also, don't forget to look at your good points. The inventory should be fair, accurate, and balanced.

Good luck!

2ala2

I worked my 4th the way my sponsor asked me to. He told me to get a little notebook and to make 4 columns on each page. I was to title the columns the following:
-Person
-Situation
-Feeling(my feeling at the time, not the present)
-(empty) I later found out that this was for the true defect which we identified together in my 5th step.

He suggested that I do it in the daytime and to avoid writing before I go to bed.
He suggested that i write everyday until I was done, even if did not write much daily, just keep doing it everyday. I prayed to HP and wrote.
I divided my inventory by family, friends, work, etc.. I started from as early in life as i could remember.
Good luck!

Gmoney

My understanding is that every step is to be done thoroughly if I am to get the most out of my step work. When I first came around, there were numerous work sheets circulating that had been created by various old-timers. These work sheets were passed down from sponsor to sponsee for years before the Step Working Guides came out. And like Rez said, there were also members who were using the 4th step booklet by NA.

The fourth step includes a personal examination of resentments, feelings, guilt, shame, fear, relationships, sex, secrets and abuse. But no inventory would be complete without also including assets. Honest self-assessment is what step 4 is about and it's about revealing old useless patterns (ideas, attitudes & behaviors). I found I could never write too much, but I can always write too little. Whatever comes to mind can be inventory material.

I've done step 4 with the worksheets and I'm just completing step 4 in the Step Working Guides. I don't believe in "winging it" and I think guidelines or some sort of structure is important. I find the step guide is great, too, but I noticed that many of the questions are aimed at the newcomer - not so much the member with time and experience. I believe that step work shouldn't be done hastily, and I find it hard to understand how members can apply what they've learned if they haven't been thorough. They call it "microwave step work" in my area. And some of those who breeze through the steps too quickly find themselves with a new clean date.

Tryin2recover...I believe it would be wise to ask your sponsor to show you how they did it. Reading step 4 in the Basic Text & IWH&W could help also.

Paulie

I suggest that to women I work with too.

Thundar301

Honesty , is the ticket,, I have done mine with worksheets and like Garry said I can never not write too much, my 1st attempt was 78 yellow legel pad pages long and 2 whole pencils! each time they get longer but more honest and indepth, I remember things I have forgotten on other 4th steps , so I get "new" issues to work on along with maintaining the old issues, I got too many issues I need to cancel some of these subscriptions.... LOL But it keeps me working in my recovery that way, I'll never be perfect, I am human, but I can always strive for being better then I was yesterday. Dean

Moontime

Hi There, we use the 4th step guide, the pamphlet. It's nice and structured for me.

navysteve

My fourth steps is always done something like 2ala2's

-Person/place/thing I am resentful at
-Situation that caused it (spouse cheating, losing job etc...)
-Feeling(my feeling at the time, not the present)
-My part in the situation

This is a tried and true method of self discovery. I do not use the guide personally. And I have to agree with others that said our sponsor should be guiding you through this. I have seen people sit on 4th steps way too long. It can be done in a day when you realize that this is life or death