Lily

I have a question about something that I heard at a meeting last Saturday. There was a new guy, looked kind of young, he took a first time meeting white key tag. (I have NO idea whether or not he was high btw....)

Anyway, he shared it was his first meeting, then I heard an older 25 years clean person sharing kind of to him saying to keep coming back and not come high. HUH????

I kind of felt uncomfortable with that. Maybe I am wrong, but we are trying to carry a message to the addict who still suffers inside and outside these rooms. I understand you are not supposed to bring stuff (dope, etc) on your person to a meeting, but I can remember years ago going to NA meetings high, hoping to hear something that would click. Man, if anyone would have said that, I would have been soooo freakin' paranoid, I don't know if I would have ever returned!

Aren't you just supposed to have the desire to stop using?

Any thoughts? Or did I miss something in the book about this?

thanks, Sheila

REZ

You can come to a meeting high or drunk. The first meeting I went to, I had used drugs earlier in the day. I think the best thing to say to someone who comes to a meeting obviously high is, "Keep coming back; don't use no matter what."

Sugah

Each group is autonomous in its handling of this particular situation. I've seen people literally carried in to a meeting and placed in a chair - because they'd expressed to another person that they wanted to attend. I know it can be triggering for some, but personally, I'd rather see someone sitting there listening and hope they hear something that clicks.

Yes, Sheila: "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using."

A lot of meetings will ask anyone who's used that day to refrain from sharing and speak to someone after the meeting, and the chair does have responsibility to maintain order in the meeting. Personally, unless someone is being disruptive, I would not want to go to a meeting that required you be straight to walk through the door. And in the case of someone who's asked to leave because of disruption, the ideal situation is for a couple of folks with time to follow them out the door - and maybe be helpful. As for the oldtimer, perhaps he would have better handled the situation if he'd spoken to this person after the meeting.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

daydream

I agree with what others have said. And it's very possible that the old-timer just flubbed up his words and didn't mean for it to come out that way at all.

Lily

Thanks guys! you guys are SMART! maybe she did flub up her words.... hope he comes back, and no he wasn't disruptive at all, he never said a peep, only got his white tag and said thanks.

kj3880

I think that is just awful...how did he know the new guy was high, anyway? Some of us look pretty wacked out our first couple weeks off the stuff. Or he may have been on detox meds, too. And I had to come to NA to figure out how to stop in the first place. Heck, I went for at least 2 weeks almost every day before I finally was able to stop. I wouldn't go if new people who are still using aren't welcomed. Gosh, where else can an addict go for help. That's disgusting and disheartening to me.
kj
:wtf2

Gmoney

In most of the meetings in my area, the chair or secretary has a reading called "The Secretary's Report" and they announce the 3rd Tradition and add, "...although the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using, we strongly suggest that you keep coming back AND COME BACK CLEAN because this is the only way it works."

I'm inclined to believe that's what the old-timer meant.

NoelleR

AMEN, Garry......that is the ONLY way it works..... (o:


NoelleR

kj3880

It might be the only way it works, but it isn't usually the way that it starts, unfortunately. I do hope that I never get self-righteous in my recovery and forget where I started (no danger yet, I'm only 33 days in). Although high people shouldn't be allowed to ramble on incoherently and damage the message, IMO they should be made to feel welcomed to sit and listen and enjoy fellowship. I never want to feel locked out if, God help me, I relapse and need to come back impaired. So much suffering out there.
kj

Gmoney

I agree, KJ.

We all know how it starts, I mean...we all know that using is where we come from. I'm also willing to bet that most of us know that there are addicts who come to NA while still under the influence of drugs. I won't try to defend any inappropriate behavior by a member who is attempting to single out someone else, but because I wasn't there...all I can go by is your description of the event. And, honestly, it just didn't sound like the old-timer was being harsh. Maybe he was...?????

I guess I'm just open to either side - there are members who think that they're above others because of their time. Sure...there isn't supposed to be any big "I's" or little "U's" in NA, but unfortunately clean time is often viewed as a status symbol and offers prestige to those who (IMO) seek recognition. The BT warns us:

"If, while practicing these principles, we allow ourselves to feel superior or inferior, we isolate ourselves. We are headed for trouble if we feel apart from other addicts."

On the other hand, it could've just been a matter of poor communication skills instead of a lack of empathy.

StayinAlive

One of my first few meetings i walked passed a woman siting on a bench on the way to a meeting. She looked upset, disheveled and was swigging from a little brown bag. She walked in with an old timer who had just introduced herself and invited the woman in. She wasn't drunk and obnoxious. But she jumped up to share.
Well, her share hit me square in the gut....i can feel the lump in my throat now. When she was finished everybody showered her with love.

Thats why i keep coming back, i wonder how she is doing

Lily

I did hear the old timer....I didn't think she was being mean or harsh, just matter of fact....she was sharing her ESH, I was just wondering if that was something the program taught or if she was inserting her opinion.

I did go to NA in 1987 high. (first meeting) I can even say I embarressingly had 29 days clean, told everyone I was getting my 30 day token the next day, relapsed that night and took it anyway~high! (this was back in the 80's) duh! to thine own self be true, I remember being way too embarressed to admit I had blown it, so i lied. DORK! Oh well, that was then....

thanks for all of your replies everyone! Sheila

Jimmy123

The problem with some addicts is they are only careful about what they put into their mouth but not what comes out. Just because he has been an addict for a long time does not mean to say he is any good at it your on the right track I've noticed many people who come in drunk or high and stick around (sober) for years after that initial meeting