Facing Life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere
Posts: 917
Facing Life
I think recovery is a personal experience. We may all share the same disease but our circumstances differ. Sometimes you agree with what is being said but applying it is another different story.I am trying to focus on the similarities as much as I can.I am learning that patience is the key for recovery.
Today I have 26 days clean and happy for that. It was and still is a very tough journey.One of the issues complicating it is my relation with colleagues at work.They think that my boss was too good with me. He did disregard the times I was high at work.I caused so many troubles at work and yet he never gave up on me.I was so mean to everyone .The worst is that I can't even remember these events. They hate that.I'm even starting to see hatred in their eyes.
I never wanted or asked anyone to treat me differently.I wanted to be accountable for my past actions.I am not ashamed of what hapened.I keep telling myself that given the situation I was living I couldnot have behaved better. So, why can't they just forget what happened.It's like a constant reminder of something you want to forget.I know that I can never change what happened nor is it healthy to dwell on the past.All what I can do is pray and work for a better life, a better me.I can't fall in the self pitty trap and feel sorry for myself.It never helped me in anyway.
Today I have 26 days clean and happy for that. It was and still is a very tough journey.One of the issues complicating it is my relation with colleagues at work.They think that my boss was too good with me. He did disregard the times I was high at work.I caused so many troubles at work and yet he never gave up on me.I was so mean to everyone .The worst is that I can't even remember these events. They hate that.I'm even starting to see hatred in their eyes.
I never wanted or asked anyone to treat me differently.I wanted to be accountable for my past actions.I am not ashamed of what hapened.I keep telling myself that given the situation I was living I couldnot have behaved better. So, why can't they just forget what happened.It's like a constant reminder of something you want to forget.I know that I can never change what happened nor is it healthy to dwell on the past.All what I can do is pray and work for a better life, a better me.I can't fall in the self pitty trap and feel sorry for myself.It never helped me in anyway.
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Hey Jane, congrats on your 26 days great job.
IMO as you work the steps with a sponsor, this kind of stuff will work itself out. When you get to the amends step, that is the time that we make amends. By the time we get there, we are better prepared not just with how to make amends but with the possiblites of how our amends may be received.
I suggest, you just keep doing the next right thing. In my experience many amends are made as we continue to stay clean and do the next right thing each day without us even knowing they are being made.
AGain, congrats on making the choice to get clean.
IMO as you work the steps with a sponsor, this kind of stuff will work itself out. When you get to the amends step, that is the time that we make amends. By the time we get there, we are better prepared not just with how to make amends but with the possiblites of how our amends may be received.
I suggest, you just keep doing the next right thing. In my experience many amends are made as we continue to stay clean and do the next right thing each day without us even knowing they are being made.
AGain, congrats on making the choice to get clean.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Good job on hanging in there. You're in early recovery, with me, and we are facing all the consequences of our addiction, and facing them sober, so it's tough. But you're not facing them alone. Get to a meeting if you can today. I agree, "the next right thing", having that said to me by my new NA associates has helped me through many real and perceived crises I've had in my 29 days clean. You're developing your conscience!! Good for you. Mine is waking up too, and man, it sucks and it hurts, but it will keep us on the right path.
kj:ghug3
kj:ghug3
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Although others' feelings and thoughts are beyond our control, it is sometimes hard not to be affected by them. You can't help that your boss chose not to can your butt, and you can't change that you did things for which you think your co-workers think you should have been fired.
All you can do now is be a responsible, conscientious employee now. Telling them you're sorry is, in my opinion, an exercise in futility. Actions speak louder than words. Will you change their view of you? Maybe, maybe not, but that's not your problem. Keep your own side of the street clean from here on in. That's all you can do.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
All you can do now is be a responsible, conscientious employee now. Telling them you're sorry is, in my opinion, an exercise in futility. Actions speak louder than words. Will you change their view of you? Maybe, maybe not, but that's not your problem. Keep your own side of the street clean from here on in. That's all you can do.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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