Summer2008

First time he drinks anything other the beer I will leave the bar. I realize we should stay away from the bar, but I'm taking little steps.

I know each drink he takes is pushing me one step further away. I am not prepared today to say "The next one and I'm gone". I am getting closer and closer to that point just not yet.

lovtolaff

I could have wrote this post. When we do go to the bar I tell him - "just beer, okay". Now isn't that ridiculous that I feel like I have to tell a 40 year old man what to drink. I'm getting pretty sick of it myself. Lately I refuse to even go with him to the bar b/c I can't stand his actions or especially his loud drunk-a$$ mouth.

I'm trying to detach. It's hard. Heck I've even told him I think we should split up but he just ignores me. It's MY house so I can't leave. I feel like when I am ready for him to go (getting there quickly) I will have a hell of a time getting rid of him. He is in denial about his drinking.

I find myself daydreaming about life without him. I've been totally honest with him from the beginning or our relationship about many things. I wanted to be up front about it all so he can't say he didn't see it coming. But rather than listen to what I have to say - he just ignores it and tries to turn it all around on me - like I"M the one with the problem. I'm so sick of it. I used to be a fun, happy go lucky, optimistic person - lately though, I'm a bitch on wheels, jaded and cynical. Oh the joy of living with an alcoholic.

DaisyBuchanan

Good for you Summer. You have to set boundaries, or you will just be a doormat. You will become stronger each day

i4getsm

Only recommendation is not to make it a fight and be sure he knows your boundary before you go. If he's anything like my STBXAH, if you make it a fight, he'll just do it to tick you off. Even if you're fuming inside, if you see him drink something other than beer, calmly tell him that you'll see him later and leave. He can do what he wants and so can you. Just like if you got a headache and wanted to go home, you would just get in your car and go. End of story. Make sense?

Baby steps are fine. It's all about what YOU can handle.

Good luck Summer. Let us know how it goes.

Shannon

Barbara52

So you've decided getting drunk on one type of alcohol is somehow better than getting drunk on another type of alcohol? Interesting thought pattern there.

elizabeth1979

Havent been here in a long time, but I have a different take on this.

If we are told that the drinking isnt the problem, its the way the alcoholic acts when drinking is the problem (unless Im being codependent and then I dont like the drinking just because I cant be in control) than here is where beer and liquor differed in my relationship.
My ex would never be a mean drunk if drinking beer only. He couldnt really get drunk drinking beer..buzzed, tipsy, sure, but not drunk. He needed liqour to get drunk. WHen he was drunk, he was mean. It wasnt the drinking that was a problem, it was the way he treated me when drunk that was a problem for me.
So for me..beer was something I (for awhile) saw as acceptable.

Fulldresser4

Summer, I am an alkie but I have been following your posts, and I gotta tell you (please forgive me if I offend you) that the LAST place an alcoholic needs to go is a bar. I can tell you that I stayed sober for two years until DH and I started going to them again and everyone was drinking but me. Let me tell you, I can fool the best of them. I can tip the bartender BIG when I go in to put a shot of vodka in my "coca-cola". I can have the bartender leave a shot on the end of the counter and I can discreetly take it into the bathroom, BLAH BLAH BLAH. We are a cagey lot, we alkies. PLEASE reconsider.