New Attitude
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
New Attitude
I've decided to do a little spring cleaning in my brain.
I've been struggling to say the least, for several months now, with my relationship with my kids.
My AS (yes, I do believe he's back to full blown AS) is the most blatant, but my other two, especially daughter who's raising grandbaby, is a PIA as well lately.
What I've realized is that it is always ME who is putting forth the effort to keep things sane. I think it happened gradually, and now I've had enough.
It was actually work that pushed me over the edge. Funny how it all catched up to you at once, huh?
So...from this day forward:
I will make arrangments each week to see my granddaughter. I will keep my nose out of the ridiculous set up daughter has going with BF and his parents
but my relationship with the baby will be on MY terms. If my daughter wants to, gee, stop by and talk with me (hmmm doesn't seem to have time these days) thats her loss. She after all, needs me a lot more than I "need" her.
AS can kiss by grits. I've bent over too many times with his subtle neediness and he's on his own. He drives a spare car of mine right now that will need inspected by the end of the month. He doesn't get it fixed to pass (PA is tough) it gets parked...period. If he does, he will have one additional month to get his own truck on the road or I will either STILL take my car back, or sell his truck in return for my car.
Youngest son will relearn the basics of respect of my home and take the time to pick up and DO his own laundry, say a nice word when he breezes through, STOP rolling his eyes every time I ask a question and fake that he's happy while in my home. I know he's waiting to move in with my ex, his step dad as soon as his house is finished. Fine by me, his car insurance and cell phone bill goes with him. Its gone when the contract is up anyway. And the dog too, at least part time. NO, I'm not cruel to animals, the dog needs more attention than I alone can give.
And work...they will get out of me what I am paid for. Period. I recently had someone in my institution threaten to sue me hahaha. I reported him. Bigger hahaha. The guy is a bully with a law degree. Lets just say administration is very "disappointed" in him.
I've been down thornier paths and made it out the other side. Time to start enjoying life again.
Anyone else spring cleaning?
I've been struggling to say the least, for several months now, with my relationship with my kids.
My AS (yes, I do believe he's back to full blown AS) is the most blatant, but my other two, especially daughter who's raising grandbaby, is a PIA as well lately.
What I've realized is that it is always ME who is putting forth the effort to keep things sane. I think it happened gradually, and now I've had enough.
It was actually work that pushed me over the edge. Funny how it all catched up to you at once, huh?
So...from this day forward:
I will make arrangments each week to see my granddaughter. I will keep my nose out of the ridiculous set up daughter has going with BF and his parents
but my relationship with the baby will be on MY terms. If my daughter wants to, gee, stop by and talk with me (hmmm doesn't seem to have time these days) thats her loss. She after all, needs me a lot more than I "need" her.
AS can kiss by grits. I've bent over too many times with his subtle neediness and he's on his own. He drives a spare car of mine right now that will need inspected by the end of the month. He doesn't get it fixed to pass (PA is tough) it gets parked...period. If he does, he will have one additional month to get his own truck on the road or I will either STILL take my car back, or sell his truck in return for my car.
Youngest son will relearn the basics of respect of my home and take the time to pick up and DO his own laundry, say a nice word when he breezes through, STOP rolling his eyes every time I ask a question and fake that he's happy while in my home. I know he's waiting to move in with my ex, his step dad as soon as his house is finished. Fine by me, his car insurance and cell phone bill goes with him. Its gone when the contract is up anyway. And the dog too, at least part time. NO, I'm not cruel to animals, the dog needs more attention than I alone can give.
And work...they will get out of me what I am paid for. Period. I recently had someone in my institution threaten to sue me hahaha. I reported him. Bigger hahaha. The guy is a bully with a law degree. Lets just say administration is very "disappointed" in him.
I've been down thornier paths and made it out the other side. Time to start enjoying life again.
Anyone else spring cleaning?
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
You go girl!
Wow - I'm impressed.
I remember so clearly when I had "had enough". And I started to "clear the decks". At first they were confused and just tried harder to get me to do what I used to do. Then they got angry and said some unkind things about me (Alanon said: if they called you a chair would you be a chair). And eventually they learned that there would be new ways of relating with me.
So sometimes they did - and sometimes they didn't. But I was ok because I finally had some degree of self respect and self esteem. (How do you get self esteem? Do esteemable acts.) No longer was I the doormat and "fixer".
What a relief!
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
I remember so clearly when I had "had enough". And I started to "clear the decks". At first they were confused and just tried harder to get me to do what I used to do. Then they got angry and said some unkind things about me (Alanon said: if they called you a chair would you be a chair). And eventually they learned that there would be new ways of relating with me.
So sometimes they did - and sometimes they didn't. But I was ok because I finally had some degree of self respect and self esteem. (How do you get self esteem? Do esteemable acts.) No longer was I the doormat and "fixer".
What a relief!
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Glad to see you back to taking care of Cece, my friend. I think my kids took advantage because they could; I allowed it...Heck I more than allowed it; I gave into things they weren't even asking me to give into! Once I hit my moment, slowly things changed. My daughter knows for sure that I do not love her any less because I do less "for" her. And she is learning her own feeling of self worth as she does it on her own too. Hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Awe dang it!!!!
Just when I'm on a roll doesn't youngest one come in and tell me my grass cutting may be free...he's working now for a landscaping company that loves my freeze pops in the freezer and the sometimes pizza in the fridge...thats all they want!
OK, youngest one is off the hook...we say NOTHING!
HP nudge or WHAT??!!
Just when I'm on a roll doesn't youngest one come in and tell me my grass cutting may be free...he's working now for a landscaping company that loves my freeze pops in the freezer and the sometimes pizza in the fridge...thats all they want!
OK, youngest one is off the hook...we say NOTHING!
HP nudge or WHAT??!!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by cece1960 
And work...they will get out of me what I am paid for. Period.
I ended up telling him... You want me running and jumping like Larry Bird...pay me like the Celtics pay him. *LOL*
His attitude changed even more and I walked away.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
It's good to hear that even when on track we can "slide" and how to get back on track. Thanks for sharing this! Not that I'm so far along that I can "slide" yet - I'm still busy scrambling up the slipper slope myself!
As for the youngest, I say that sounds like a great deal!
Work - wise. I know there's give it all you've got and all that in recovery, etc. but I think that can definitely go too far. There is working and there is slavery. Well, overexageration probably, but we do know when it's out of balance. Feeling good and feeling used are two very different things.
Thanks for the share - Very good to hear and think about!
(((hugs)))
p.s. just what's in those freezer pops? Sounds like it might be yum!
As for the youngest, I say that sounds like a great deal!
Work - wise. I know there's give it all you've got and all that in recovery, etc. but I think that can definitely go too far. There is working and there is slavery. Well, overexageration probably, but we do know when it's out of balance. Feeling good and feeling used are two very different things.
Thanks for the share - Very good to hear and think about!
(((hugs)))
p.s. just what's in those freezer pops? Sounds like it might be yum!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Way to go, Cece!!! 
I did a bit of cleaning myself recently. Told Trevor to clean out his stuff from my house. Took my plates off his car. And told him he's going to have to call me and set up a time that's convienent for me to pick up his stuff. I'm done. He's 28 years old in 2 more days. He is still playing the dangerous games he wants to play, shooting up. I don't want to be witness to any more of it.
Thanks for being a great role model and an inspiration!
Shalom!
I did a bit of cleaning myself recently. Told Trevor to clean out his stuff from my house. Took my plates off his car. And told him he's going to have to call me and set up a time that's convienent for me to pick up his stuff. I'm done. He's 28 years old in 2 more days. He is still playing the dangerous games he wants to play, shooting up. I don't want to be witness to any more of it.
Thanks for being a great role model and an inspiration!
Shalom!
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